she smiled at him.
‘I’m the one who should be saying thanks,’ she said.
He raised his glass to her and felt his smile spread through his whole body.
‘No, that’s not true, I should say it. Cheers, then.’
‘Cheers.’
‘And welcome.’
Their glasses met. The contact passed like a shock through his body. He looked at her over the rim of the glass, his eyes refusing to let go. He had to memorise every contour, every feature. Until the next time he saw her.
She drank again, two deep swallows. When she finished he would offer her another.
Again and again.
‘My name is Jonas.’
She smiled, amused.
‘There you see.’
Suddenly he was unsure. How could he get her to talk? Somehow he had to win her trust. Maybe she thought he had been too forward in buying her a cider.
‘I don’t usually buy cider for strange women, if that’s what you think. But I wanted to buy one for you.’
She gave him a quick look and then stared down into her almost empty glass.
‘Is that so? Why me in particular?’
He couldn’t reply. How could she ever understand?
‘What’s your name?’
The question was so inadequate. He wanted to know everything. Everything she had ever thought, everything she had ever felt. An inner jubilation at even being able to think these things.
She paused before she answered, and he understood her. He couldn’t expect her to trust him. Not yet. But soon she would realise what he had understood as soon as he caught sight of her.
And as if she too was suddenly aware of the import of their meeting, she smiled at him again. A shy smile, as if she were telling him something in confidence.
‘My name is Linda.’
Her first instinct had been to rush in and confront him with everything she knew. Shove the truth down his throat and tell him to go to hell. But in the next instant she realised that that was precisely what he wanted.
Go to hell.
Suddenly she grasped what he was trying to do. Standing in the park with their defiled home before her, it struck her like lightning out of a clear blue sky. She figured out his plan. All at once it was ridiculously obvious.
The cowardly swine was once again trying to push the responsibility onto her.
Once again he thought he could hide behind her capacity for action.
Instead of accepting the consequences for what he had done and for once making his own decision, he thought he could force her to leave
She wasn’t going to make it that easy for him. Not at all.
She felt a stubborn contempt.
He couldn’t even manage his own infidelity without her.
Her decisiveness filled her with a liberating calm. She was in control again. Finally she knew what she should do.
She needed confirmation of just one thing to be able to hold out.
Just one thing.
She hadn’t said a word before she left. Henrik and Axel were playing a computer game and had closed the door to the office; he’d notice she was gone soon enough. She was more than pleased not to see him. She still wasn’t sure that she could manage to conceal her hatred, but she had the whole night to summon her strength. Tomorrow he would have his faithful wife back; but first she had to get someone to confirm that she was good enough.
She looked out over Jarntorget. She had stopped briefly on the way into Gamla Stan to have a well-deserved pick-me-up. It was a long time since she’d been out on the town at all, and she couldn’t remember ever going out alone before. Always having to rush home with a guilty conscience. At work because she wasn’t at home, and at home because she couldn’t manage to do her job properly.
She took the last gulp from her glass and turned around. This was definitely the wrong place for her plans. Couples eating dinner and groups that didn’t want to include anyone else. No, one more cider and then she’d get going.
She went up to the bar.
She heard the door open behind her. The barman stood with his back turned, filling bowls with peanuts. She turned her head and glanced at the man who had just come in. Now he was standing right in front of her at the short end of the bar.
Way too young.
The barman came over to her.
‘A pear cider, please.’
He ducked down and stood up again with a bottle in his hand. With his other hand he reached for a glass from the rack above their heads.
‘That’ll be forty-eight kronor.’
She already had her hand around her purse in her handbag. And then came the surprising question.
‘May I buy that for you?’
At first she didn’t realise that he was talking to her. Surprised, she looked at the man standing at the bar nearby. Maybe twenty-six, twenty-seven, grey jacket, blond hair combed back, looked pretty good.
Why not?
‘Certainly.’
For a second she thought he might be kidding, because he just stood there smiling at her. Then he took his wallet out of an inside pocket.
‘Thank you. I’ll have the same.’
He placed a hundred-krona note on the bar and the barman took down another glass. She was smiling to herself. He had to be more than ten years younger than her, so she obviously had a little sex appeal left.
She wondered what they were doing at home. Whether Axel had gone to bed. She pushed away the thought and tried to smile.
‘I’m the one who should be saying thanks.’
He raised his glass to her.
‘No, that’s not true, I should say it. Cheers, then.’
‘Cheers.’
‘And welcome.’
There was something about his eyes. His gaze was so penetrating that she was almost embarrassed. As if he were looking right into her, could read all her thoughts, and she had no intention of sharing them with anyone. For an instant she regretted letting him buy her a drink. Now she would have to stay here, and she had other plans for the evening. The faster she finished her drink the better. She took two deep swallows.
‘My name is Jonas.’
She drank a bit more. All her thoughts were occupied with the hatred she felt. She couldn’t sit here chatting as if everything were normal.
‘There you see.’
Soon she had finished the drink.
‘I don’t usually buy cider for strange women, if that’s what you think. But I wanted to buy one for you.’
‘Is that so? Why me in particular?’
