He looked nonplussed, barely altered his breathing; if he did it was a sigh, ‘Oh, really.’
‘No interest there? You surprise me. I thought Gillian Laird was big news.’
Now an eyebrow went up. ‘Aye, you’re right…
He was trying to say there’d been too much print given to her already, that the public can only stomach so much before it starts rebelling.
‘The lezzing-off’s old news, granted… but this isn’t,’ I said.
Rasher took up his cup, supped, smacked a white tongue off his lips, said, ‘Folk have had enough of her coupon on the front page, Gus. You know how it is.’
What he meant was they’d given her a hard enough time of late; the lawyers had likely urged they ease off.
‘Aye, sure… but this is a new line. I’m telling you, there’s a tale in there that no one’s got to yet.’
‘Go on, then.’
Was that interest? Doubted it. Had seen him more enthusiastic for the Spot the Ball solutions. Christ, they’d went overkill on Gillian’s coming out, understood, but this case was worth looking at; I felt that in my gut. Did that mean I still had the stomach for this racket?
‘She’s convinced the kid was murdered.’
‘We’ve ran that line.’
‘Yeah, but no one’s probing it, no one’s looking into the facts. That’s what I’m on about.’
Rasher stood up, drained his cup. He wasn’t buying. He picked up the bottle of Teacher’s and put it back in the filing cabinet. I watched his every move closely. Could feel my grip slipping, felt played out. Knew I’d failed to impress. He thought I’d wasted his time.
‘Dury, if you have something… say.’
I had squat.
‘Well…’
‘Exactly. Look, it’s hard to ignite public sympathy for some posh brat that got tanked up and stretched his scrawny fucking neck… Nobody cares. Even if you do turn something up, it’s a tough sell.’
There was more to this than he was letting on. I pressed: ‘Okay, what’s the Hampden Roar here – you got a spoiler story?’
Rasher arked up, ‘Shit no… Look, you’ll find out soon enough, suppose. Ben Laird was no good… into all sorts he was.’
‘Like what?’
‘Trust me, everything bar a shit sandwich! He was the campus wide boy, go-to guy for grass and brass.’
Ben was obviously more of a piece of work than I’d thought – even going on Amy’s assessment. Not quite the mummy’s little special, then. ‘How do you know this?’
‘Filth was all over him. Got some fucking record, tell you wide as a gate, that boy. No story there, though, family far too connected, nobody saying a word that doesn’t come through press officers or a fucking lawyer. Trust me, it’s a non-starter… unless.’
I knew what that ‘unless’ meant. I knew every permutation of ‘unless’ he was after. It was scandal, preferably of a sexual nature. If I could crowbar in a tug at the reins of power, maybe some corruption, or any old dirt involving some city figures, I’d be in with a shout.
‘Okay, I hear you. Look, this is early days. I’ve only just took the job, but if you’re prepared to extend me a bit of help…’
Rasher kicked the filing cabinet’s drawer shut with the heel of his cheap plastic shoes. ‘Help?… And what might that translate into?’
I drained my cup then stood. ‘Get one of your copy boys to print me out the scoops on Gillian Laird. Do me a file of interest on Ben and-’
‘Jesus, y’know how fucking short-staffed I am? That’s taking someone off the job for a day or two, Dury.’
I held schtum. He sighed, a loud one. Sparked again, ‘Right, okay… just this once, but I’m promising nothing.’
‘Except a byline.’
‘You need a fucking story for that.’
‘You’ll have your story.’ I felt a latent spark of ambition reignite. Christ, I loved this caper. ‘Count on it.’
Chapter 10
SPENT A NIGHT ON THE sweats. Fitful dreams, or should that be nightmares? I awoke to find myself shaking, burning up worse than a dog tied to a radiator. Mopped my brow with the sleeve of my tweed jacket – oh yeah, I’d crashed clothed. Hod’s gaff, for all the uptown chic of the address, was seriously down-at-heel on the interior. Kipping on boards with nothing but scratching mice for company was a new low, even for me.
I tried to move. A familiar clatter of Cally Special tins came with me. Couldn’t say they chimed, more like rattled… a bit like my nerves. I couldn’t remember buying the beer; could remember tanning the rum but that was it. As I pushed myself up, a bottle of Bell’s rolled away underfoot. The noise of it on the exposed wood sent a spike up my spine. My shoulders trembled, my head took the hit and then I scrunched eyes as the tsunami of hangover engulfed me.
There was a time when my gut would jolt at this point. I’d be crouched over a sink or a toilet bowl, dry- retching. I’d be turning myself inside out to get whatever remained of the day before’s sustenance out of me. The power of those hurls still had me in fits of hurt, the fear of seeing a long dark streak of blood as the stomach lining detached itself and the white of the porcelain changed to a red warning sign in an instant. It took, I now realised, a modicum of normality to be able to chuck your guts the day after a skite. I’d gone beyond that level; probably a fair while ago now. There was nothing in me worth hacking out – felt the odds were in favour of me throwing up a badly diseased liver, probably black as tar, and being done with it. One good hurl and I was on the way… wherever that was.
I knew where this had came from, knew where it started. Same place it always did: in my napper. I’d lost Debs. Christ, I’d lost the dog too. She’d left me – couldn’t blame her – but the way of it had stunned me. I’d known Debs for longer than I cared to tot up. We had years together. Long years, some of them. We had a history. Bleak as it may be, it was ours. Shared. Burned into us, seared sometimes, but there. No one, not even her, could deny we’d been together through thick and thin. But now, here she was, wanting to do just that: deny it.
I picked up my mobi.
My head spun, the floor looked glazed below me, the edges of the boards melding together, separating, then crossing like telegraph wires in wild winds.
I found Debs’s number.
This had become a ritual now. I pressed ‘call’ out of sheer bloody-mindedness. I knew the routine down pat. Eight rings before voicemail. She never answered, not any more.
Six, seven, eight…
‘Deborah, it’s me… Gus, again. Look, I know you don’t want to talk, and by Christ, who could blame you? But none of this feels right to me. I know you have your life to lead and I’m glad for you to do that… I seriously don’t want you wasting time on me, but I need to know you’re well. That’s all I want from you, Debs, a few words… Christ, a text even, just tell me where you’re at… in your head. I know I was a prick, I know I ballsed it all up but I’m not trying to mend it, trust me, Debs, all I want to know is that you’re okay, moving on. You can give me that, can’t you?’
I could hear my voice starting to croak; hung up.
This was new territory for me. In all my fights with Debs, in all our brutal and bloody battles, never once had she turned the lights out on me. She’d completely switched me off now. I didn’t exist. Could I blame her? Could I even begin to comprehend what was going on in her head? Christ Al-frickin’-mighty, I’d ruined our marriage. Not just the marriage, but the attempt to patch it up. I’d let drink and arrogance and ego and misguided ambition get in the way. I’d cared more about myself and my own bloody selfish life than about her. What kind of a relationship was that?
