She had bent her body almost in thirds, arms clasped around doubled knees, head resting on knees. Her body shook with humorless laughter. He had awakened her one night, seemingly out of the blue and asked her if he might come to bed with her. She had had all she could do to stop herself from grabbing him and pulling him in.
But they had not talked about their feelings until now. Everyone knew. Everyone knew everything. She knew, for instance, that people said he slept with her to get special privileges or to escape their prison. Certainly, he was not someone she would have noticed on prewar Earth. And he would not have noticed her. But here, there had been a pull between them from the moment he Awoke, intense, inescapable, acted upon, and now, spoken.
'I'll Awaken ten people as you said,' she told him finally. 'It seems a good number. It will occupy everyone I would dare to trust to look after a newly Awakened person. As for the others. . . I don't want them free to wander around and cause trouble or get together and cause trouble. I'll double them with you, Tate, Leah, and me.'
'Leah?' he said.
'Leah's all right. Surly, moody, stubborn. And hardworking, loyal, and hard to scare. I like her.'
'I think she likes you,' he said. 'That surprises me. I would have expected her to resent you.'
Behind him, the wall began to open.
Lilith froze, then sighed and deliberately stared at the floor. When she looked up again, seeming to look at Joseph, she could see Nikanj coming through the opening.
6
She moved over beside Joseph who, leaning against the bed platform, had noticed nothing. She took his hand, held it for a moment between her own, wondering if she were about to lose him. Would he stay with her after tonight? Would he speak to her tomorrow beyond absolute necessity? Would he join her enemies, confirming to them things they only suspected now? What the hell did Nikanj want anyway? Why couldn't it stay out as it had said it would. There: She had finally caught it in a lie. She would not forgive it if that lie destroyed Joseph's feelings for her.
'What is it?' Joseph was saying as Nikanj strode across the room in utter silence and sealed the doorway.
'For God knows what reason, the Oankali have decided to give you a preview,' she said softly, bitterly. 'You aren't in any physical danger. You won't be hurt.' Let Nikanj make a lie of that and she would force it to put her back into suspended animation.
Joseph looked around sharply, froze when he saw Nikanj. After a moment of what Lilith suspected was absolute terror, he jerked himself to his feet and stumbled back against the wall, cornering himself between the wall and the bed platform.
'What is it!' Lilith demanded in Oankali. She stood to face Nikanj. 'Why are you here?'
Nikanj spoke in English. 'So that he could endure his fear now, privately, and be of help to you later.'
A moment after hearing the quiet, androgenous, human sounding voice speak in English, Joseph came out of his corner. He moved to Lilith's side, stood staring at Nikanj. He was trembling visibly. He said something in Chinese- the first time Lilith had heard him speak the language--then somehow, stilled his trembling. He looked at her.
'You know this one?'
'Kaalnikanjl oo Jdahyatediinkahguyaht aj Dinso,' she said, staring at Nikanj's sensory arms, remembering how much more human it had looked without them. 'Nikanj,' she said when she saw Joseph frowning.
'I didn't believe,' he said softly. 'I couldn't, even though you said it.'
She did not know what to say. He was handling the situation better than she had. Of course he had been warned and he was not being kept isolated from other humans. Still, he was doing well. He was as adaptable as she had suspected.
Moving slowly, Nikanj reached the bed and boosted itself up with one hand, folding its legs under it as it settled. Its head tentacles focused sharply on Joseph. 'There's no hurry,' it said. 'We'll talk for a while. If you're hungry, I'll get you something.'
'I'm not hungry,' Joseph said. 'Others may be, though.'
'They must wait. They should spend a little time waiting for Lilith, understanding that they're helpless without her.'
'They're just as helpless with me,' Lilith said softly. 'You've made them dependent on me. They may not be able to forgive me for that.'
'Become their leader, and there'll be nothing to forgive.' Joseph looked at her as though Nikanj had finally said something to distract him from the strangeness of its body. 'Joe,' she said, 'it doesn't mean leader. It means Judas goat.'
'You can make their lives easier,' Nikanj said. 'You can help them accept what is to happen to them. But whether you lead them or not, you can't prevent it. It would happen even if you died. If you lead them, more of them will survive. If you don't, you may not survive yourself.' She stared at it, remembered lying next to it when it was weak and helpless, remembered breaking bits of food into small pieces and slowly, carefully feeding it those pieces.
After a time its head and body tentacles drew themselves into knotted lumps and it hugged itself with its sensory arms. It spoke to her in Oankali: 'I want you to live! Your mate is right! Some of these people are already plotting against you!'
'I told you they would plot against me,' she said in English. 'I told you they would probably kill me.'
'You didn't tell me you would help them!'
She leaned against her table platform, head down. 'I'm trying to live,' she whispered. 'You know I am.'
'You could clone us,' Joseph said. 'Is that right?'
'Yes.'
'You could take reproductive cells from us and grow human embryos in artificial wombs?'
