go of all the feelings I have for him. I wish they would just disappear.’
I didn’t want anything I had with Dillon to be tainted by this sadness. I was still waiting for my heart to catch up with my head.
‘Do you… do you ever think you’ll be over him?’ he asked.
‘Yeah, of course, I mean… I know I will. Sophie has this theory. She reckons you count up the number of days you went out with a person, and then divide it by three, and that’s the amount of time it’ll take you to get over them.’
‘How long were you going out with Nick for?’ he asked.
‘Um… two hundred and fifty-two days,’ I said, doing the calculations quickly in my head.
‘Right. I’m going to look you up in eighty-four days so,’ he said with a laugh.
I couldn’t tell if he was serious. He kissed me on the cheek. ‘Goodbye, Jacki,’ he said. And I felt my heart crumble just a little.
Chapter 21
I wandered back into the club alone. I seemed to be making a habit of it these days. Hannah was on stage belting out ‘I Love Rock ’n’ Roll’ at the top of her voice, complete with Britney-inspired dance moves that got more than one wolf-whistle from the crowd. I smiled and cheered her on as best I could, but the sick feeling had returned and I was starting to feel quite dizzy.
I looked up at Hannah, body-rolling against the mic, and willed myself to feel better. I didn’t have time for this. Ten days had already passed by and I still had nothing real to show Matt – no hard evidence that would put an end to Kayla’s case. Although I was certain I knew where her body was, I still didn’t have a name to give him. There were people I didn’t trust – Calum and Andrew especially – but I was wary of jumping to conclusions. I decided I should talk to them both again, try to figure out if they were hiding something.
I wanted to forget about what Matt Lawlor’s detective sergeant had said about me, but I couldn’t seem to let it go. Maybe a tiny part of me agreed with him. Just because I’d solved one murder didn’t automatically mean I’d be able to solve another. Matt had so much faith in me, I didn’t want to let him down. And I wanted to prove Detective Sergeant Lonergan wrong. I’d tried to earn his respect, but the only way I was going to do that was by getting results. He was right: I didn’t have anything to show yet. But I’d stood in the place where Kayla was buried and I was going to get justice for her. No matter how long it took.
I knew that communicating with spirits could be draining, but I was doing what Ger had said – I was imagining a white light around me, protecting me. And I was wearing the bracelet, even though I wanted to rip it off my arm every time I saw it. I was shielding myself in every possible way, yet I still felt awful. My vision was blurry and I tried to focus, but big black patches appeared in front of my eyes. I blinked in the hope that they would go away, but they just got bigger, and soon I could see hardly anything but blackness. I took a deep breath and visualized the white light again, so bright that it hurt to look at it.
Eventually my sight went back to normal. I was still nauseous though, and my whole body was sore. I can safely say I’d never felt this bad before. Even last summer, I hadn’t felt this weak.
Hannah sang the last line and I painfully forced myself to clap along with everyone else, then stood up and made my way over to the bar. I needed a drink of water. I could hardly walk straight and kept accidentally bumping into people. I could hear them sighing and tutting as I stumbled away. Maybe the white light wasn’t working because I was exhausted. I hadn’t got much sleep this week and my emotions were all over the place. I thought maybe it was more than that though. I had so little energy left – I could barely function. This wasn’t heartbreak or fatigue, this was something else. Kayla was probably trying to give me a sign; maybe she was even here. I’d have to figure out what she was trying to tell me, but first I’d have to concentrate on not collapsing.
I tried to catch the barman’s attention. Some guy was giving an impassioned, but tuneless rendition of a Bon Jovi song now, and the crowd had started to talk again.
‘Are you OK?’ asked a girl standing next to me.
‘Yeah,’ I said self-consciously. ‘Why?’
She didn’t answer, just glanced away awkwardly. I must have looked really bad. I abandoned the bar and headed for the bathroom. I hurried through the crowd and pushed open the door. There was a queue, but I managed to squeeze up to the sinks. I looked in the mirror and almost didn’t recognize myself. My skin was so pale, my lips were practically blue and my eyes were all bloodshot. This was definitely not normal. I could see a group of girls in the reflection, whispering and staring at me. I rushed into a cubicle and locked the door. I felt so faint, I was afraid I was going to collapse. I no longer thought it was Kayla giving me a sign – she surely wouldn’t do this to me. I was way too sick. Had someone spiked my drink? I didn’t think so as I had got my own.
Ger’s words flashed through my mind, ‘Don’t trust everybody you meet through this kind of work,’ and it began to dawn on me that maybe I was being psychically attacked. I concentrated hard on doing everything Ger had told me to protect myself, but ten minutes passed and I still didn’t feel any better. I was getting weaker and weaker by the second. I was too tired to even move, so I took out my phone to call somebody. Then I realized that I didn’t have anybody to call. If I told Hannah or Sophie or even Matt, they’d all tell me to go to the hospital. I couldn’t blame them – that was the normal reaction to something like this. I started to panic, but I tried not to cry. I had to calm down. I wondered who was doing this to me. I was so angry, but I didn’t have a clue who was behind it.
I decided I was going to try and leave the bathroom, but I could hardly stand up. The graffiti on the cubicle walls danced before my eyes, the letters all moving in different directions, words joining up to make no sense. I dropped the lid of the toilet seat and sat down with my head in my hands. Then I started to drift off.
My head snapped back with a jolt. I’d fainted, but I didn’t know how long I’d been out for. There was a knock on the door. I ignored it.
‘Pee faster!’ shrieked a girl on the other side.
I didn’t know what to do. I thought I should probably just give in and ask for help, but there was nobody here who would understand. Hot tears started to well up in my eyes. I felt so powerless. And then it occurred to me – there was somebody who might be able to help: Lauren. She was a fortune-teller – maybe she’d heard about psychic attacks. She might know how to stop this, or at the very least she wouldn’t think I was crazy. I sent her a text asking her to come to Rage if she was nearby, that it was an emergency. Then I took a deep breath and headed back out to the bar. She replied immediately. I’m on my way, she said.
I waited by the door instead of going over to our table. I didn’t want the others to see me like this.
About fifteen minutes later Lauren rushed in. She looked like she’d been on a night out – she was wearing a black dress with a lace collar and red peep-toe shoes. As soon as she spotted me, her face turned completely pale. I couldn’t blame her – I looked terrible.
‘Thanks for coming,’ I said. ‘I didn’t know who else to call.’
‘I thought you’d gone home,’ she said. ‘Hazel told me you went back to Leitrim…’
‘No, I just took a few days off,’ I said, leaning against the wall to steady myself.
‘You don’t look good.’
She scanned my body, seeming to understand that something was very wrong. I felt so much better now that she was here.
‘I’m in trouble,’ I said. ‘I’m pretty sure I’m being psychically attacked. Do you know anything about this kind of stuff?’
‘A bit,’ she said, looking scared. I felt bad for dragging her into this, but I had nowhere else to turn.
‘I don’t understand it,’ I said. ‘I’ve been protecting myself. But look at me… I look awful.’
‘Do you know who’s doing this?’ she asked.
‘No,’ I said, ‘I haven’t a clue.’
She grabbed my arm and started to push through the crowd.
‘Lauren, where are we going?’
‘It could be a Difodi Curse,’ she said. ‘We can’t waste any time.’ She led me into the dressing room and my heart started to pound so fast it was unbearable. I recognized that name – Ger had warned me about this.
I almost tripped over the leads on the floor, but managed to make my way through the mess. I sat down on an amp and tried to take deep breaths. Lauren locked the dressing-room door and then hurried over to me.
