She couldn't think straight. She needed time, time to gather her thoughts again. Her gaze swept the area, and she grasped the first excuse that came to mind. 'What about the mess?'
Her offer to help only seemed to aggravate him more. 'I have a cleaning crew coming in the morning, so go on home and don't worry about it.' He paused for a moment, then said in a low, rough tone filled with too much emotion, 'Goodbye, Jessica.' With that, he turned and headed toward the kitchen.
She watched him go, her heart aching so fiercely she could hardly breathe. He didn't want her anymore. And she had no one to blame except herself.
All because she hadn't been able to bring herself to trust in Ryan and his love.
Ryan heard the front door open and close, and felt the finality of Jessica leaving right to the very depths of his soul. Bracing his hands on the kitchen counter, he squeezed his tired eyes shut and berated himself for being such an ass. The least he could have done was walk her to her car, but he hadn't been able to perform that simple gentlemanly task. It just hurt too damn much to be around her, and he hadn't wanted to stretch out their final goodbye.
All night he'd suffered with her being in his constant line of vision, of being wrapped in her scent when she happened to pass him. He'd tormented himself with private fantasies that included stripping off that sexy, silky blue dress she'd worn, fantasies of having her in his bed, his life.
And there, for a moment, he'd thought, hoped, that her reasons for wanting to stay behind had to do with them… not the mess.
Yeah, he was a mess all right, he thought with a disgusted snort. And he had no idea how he was going to get over loving and losing Jessica. One day at a time, he supposed.
A half an hour later, dead tired and weary to the bone, he locked up the house, turned off the lights, then dragged himself upstairs. By the time he'd reached his bedroom he had his shirt unbuttoned. Shrugging out of the garment, he tossed it over the end of his bed. He toed off his shoes, pulled off his socks and replaced his dress pants with a pair of sweat shorts.
He went to retrieve a T-shirt from his dresser, and that's when he caught sight of the pool of shimmering blue silk on the carpeted floor. His pulse raced as he followed a trail of silky stockings, a lacy black bra, and panties that led to the bathroom door, which had been left open a crack.
He pushed slowly against the door, and was greeted by the lush scent of strawberries, the flickering illumination of candlelight, and a woman lounging in his bathtub with a froth of bubbles coating the surface of the water. His gut clenched, with anxiety, and a hope so excruciating it nearly stole his breath.
Somehow, some way, he found his voice. 'What are you doing here?'
Big blue eyes met his, and a tremulous smile touched her lips. 'I'm attempting to prove a point.'
Not sure where her scene for seduction was leading, he frowned down at her. 'Excuse me?'
She drew a deep breath, and he watched in too much fascination as the bubbles quivered around the soft rise of her breasts. 'You've shown me many times in the past month that actions speak louder than words. And since I was having trouble speaking downstairs, I thought I'd give
'You definitely have that.' He rubbed a hand along the back of his neck, unable to relax the tense muscles bunching across his shoulders. 'I thought you left.'
'I never left, Ryan,' she said, her voice as soft as the shadows in the bathroom. And just as vulnerable. 'When it came right down to walking out your door, I couldn't do it. And I'm not going to leave until we talk.'
Remembering how his bruised pride had prompted him to tell her they had nothing left to say to each other, this time he couldn't refuse her, not after she'd found the fortitude within herself to stay.
'All right,' he conceded, and settled himself on the ledge of the tub. 'Since you know exactly what I want from you, exactly how I feel about you, the floor is yours.'
'I do want you, Ryan Matthews. More than I've ever wanted anyone in my life, and in ways that scare me.'
'And what are you afraid of?' He knew her fears, but he had to know she'd resolved them for herself.
'I'm afraid of trusting a man for my happiness. Scared of giving in to the things I feel for you, and ending up being alone anyway.' Her hands fluttered over the surface of the water, making it ripple enticingly. Making him wonder if she was completely naked beneath. 'It's been very difficult for me, but I've come to realize that my expectations of you were unrealistic, and were just a way for me to maintain an emotional distance. As much as I wanted to when I first met you, I can't condemn you for being a divorce attorney, because you've shown me how kind, caring and fair you are, and that you'd never deliberately hurt someone for your own selfish gains. I have to believe what you do for aliving, you do because you truly want to help people, because there is nothing egotistical or self-absorbed about you.'
As much as her revelation pleased him, he remained quiet, needing more from her than that acceptance.
She seemed to sense that, too. 'I know I can never forget what my father did to our family, the pain he put us through by abandoning us so completely, but I'm ready to put that resentment behind me, because I can't bear the thought of losing you.'
'And what about my career?' he asked, knowing her insecurities extended to that, too. 'Are you able to accept the long hours ahead, the late nights, and the balance between my work and our relationship?'
'I'm willing to try,' she replied honestly. 'Knowing you love me makes a big difference, because I know you don't take something like that lightly.'
His gaze held hers steadily. 'No, I don't.'
She bit her bottom lip, and reached out and touched a wet hand to his cheek.'You make me feel safe, and secure, and protected,' she whispered in an aching voice. 'And it's been so long since I've felt that way.'
'I'll be here for you, Jessie.' Gently capturing her wrist, he pressed a kiss in the center of her damp palm. 'All you have to do is trust me, and believe in me.'
'Oh, I do.' The candlelight flickered, illuminating the beauty of her face, the vulnerability still lingering in her eyes. 'And that's part of what frightens me so much. The depth of my feelings for you is very overwhelming, and like nothing I've ever experienced.'
'And what do you feel?'
The question prompted her to take that final leap of faith, to risk all. She did. 'I feel a richness and contentment I never knew was possible until you came into my life. I'm ready to trust my instincts, and I'm ready to trust my heart.' She paused for a moment, then seemingly drew on that well of strength and confidence he always knew she possessed. 'I'm naked beneath these bubbles, Ryan. Physically and emotionally. I didn't want anything between us when I told you that I loved you so you'd know that I'm not hiding behind anything, that what I feel for you comes straight from my heart and soul.'
He let go of her hand, briefly severing the connection between them, knowing when they came together again the bond would be stronger than before. 'Stand up and show me.'
A sensual dare. A provocative challenge. A final dissolving of those barriers that had kept her from being completely his.
Without an ounce of modesty, she stood, baring herself to him. His mouth went dry as he watched the slick water sluice down her naked body. Her skin glowed from the candlelight, and bubbles clung to her breasts, her belly,her thighs. He grew hard with a wanting and hunger he knew would never abate. Not in this lifetime.
She slipped her fingers beneath his chin and raised his gaze back to hers. 'I love you, Ryan Matthews,' she said, her clear voice and velvet blue eyes filled with the sentiment she spoke of.
His chest tightened, seeming to spill over with emotions for this woman who'd filled his life to overflowing. Straightening, he stripped off his shorts, not wanting her to be the only one naked-physically and emotionally. 'I love
A sultry smile curved her mouth as she took a moment to appreciate the length of his body, and his obvious need for her. Passion and tenderness brightened her eyes when she met his gaze again.
'I love you without fear,' she said, reciting the toast he'd written and had meant, on some level, for her. 'I trust you without question. I accept you without change, and I desire you without inhibitions.'
He stepped into the tub, but didn't touch her. 'Will you always believe in me, and always have faith?'
