Never Knowing

“Like how your plan to catch John worked?”

His eyes narrowed. “It did work.”

“You never caught him — I killed him. I had to do your job for you.”

His hand tightened on the gun. I flashed to the conversation we’d had about how he used to have a temper. He’d trained himself to channel it and to hold it in, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t still there. What had he said about kickboxing? The opponent who loses his cool loses his coordination. Maybe if I provoked him, he’d let down his guard and I could make a break for the phone or the alarm.

“The Art of War didn’t help. It’s all just a bunch of crap.”

“This case proves it works.”

He said the words with conviction, but there was a slight flush to his neck. I’d touched a nerve.

“Nobody will take that stupid book you’re writing seriously — definitely not the RCMP. Even Sandy doesn’t listen to you.”

The flush crawling up his neck darkened. “She will. When she reads it and sees how it helped the case.”

“But you’re leaving out the part where you shot Evan, aren’t you? That’s why you’re killing me. Because if the truth comes out, then everyone knows you’re a liar — all your strategies and plans are bullshit. You broke the law.” “It works. I just needed one big case to prove it. And I did.”

“No, Billy, you screwed up. You told me I had to be patient but you took matters into your own hands. Then an officer — your partner—got hurt. You rushed things and it escalated John.”

“John had to be stopped. Because of my actions he’ll never kill another woman.”

“But if you kill me you’re a murderer too, and—”

“I told you, I’m not going to jail — not for saving lives.”

“You didn’t care about stopping a killer or saving lives. Everything you’ve done all along has been for yourself.” His eyes were still dark, but he’d managed to calm himself down. I was starting to feel drowsy and light-headed. I had to take another shot. “You don’t care about any of the people he murdered.” “You don’t know the first thing about me.”

“I know the RCMP are going to laugh when they find out what you did. This isn’t the first time you screwed up. Remember the old lady who got shot because you broke into that rapist’s house?”

He stood up. “You stupid bitch. You don’t—”

“You couldn’t control the case and you couldn’t control me. You broke the law to make the case fit the strategies, not the other way around.”

“If I was you, I’d shut up now.” A vein started to pulse in Billy’s forehead and he took a step toward me.

We both heard the crunch of tires on the gravel outside at the same time.

“Don’t move,” Billy said. “Shit, it’s your sister. You say one word and I’ll blow her head off.” Oh, God, Lauren.

I wanted to scream and warn her, but Ally was in the house and it was too late. Billy was already opening the door.

“Hi, Melanie. Your sister’s in the kitchen.” Melanie? Why was she here?

She walked in, spotted me sitting at the table.

“Hey, I forgot my cell. I tried to call—” She saw my face, turned to look at Billy. He had the gun pointed at her head. As she gasped and took a step backward, the sob I was holding in my throat broke free.

Billy walked forward with the gun still aimed at her.

“Sit down at the table with your sister.” She turned and looked at me, then glanced at the sliding glass door. “Don’t even think about it. Sara’s already realized what will happen to Ally if anyone does something stupid.”

Melanie’s eyes met mine. I nodded.

Billy said, “Sit down, Melanie.”

She pulled the chair out beside me.

“Put your hands on the table where I can see them.”

She did, slowly.

“Sara was just in the middle of killing herself. She’s already taken the pills.” Melanie’s gaze flew to my face. My eyes told her it was true.

She turned to Billy. “You can’t make both of us kill—”

“Shut up. I just have to adjust my plan.” He started to pace.

Melanie tried to stand up. Billy smacked her in the face with the back of his hand. She fell back into her chair with a yelp.

“Do you want to wake up Ally?” he said.

I said, “She’s right, Billy. How are you going to explain two deaths?”

He pointed the gun at me. “I told you to shut up.” He continued pacing. Then stopped and spun around. “John had a large fan base, all murder groupies — they’re angry you killed him. One of them decided to seek revenge.” He nodded. “I can make that work.” Billy walked over to the knife block, picked up the biggest one, and hefted it in his hand, like he was testing its weight. He sliced it through the air, once, twice.

Melanie said, “Or I can help you.” I gasped. But she didn’t look at me. She said, “Suicide is way more believable — there’s already drugs in Sara’s system. We don’t have to hurt the kid. But it would look better for you if I’m the one to find Sara’s body. I could try to revive her, but…” She shrugged.

“You think I’m going to fall for that?” But he sounded tense. He knew she was right.

“I hate Sara.” Melanie spit the words out. “I’ve always hated her. She’s not even my real sister. If she dies, I’ll owe you for the rest of my life.” She dropped to her knees off the chair. Startled, Billy stepped back, the gun pointed at her face, but she crawled forward on her knees. “I’ll even tell the cops I saw her today and she was really depressed.” From the side, I saw a gleam in Melanie’s eye. I wanted to say something, anything, but my tongue felt thick and my vision was a little blurry. The pills were definitely kicking in.

Melanie was in front of Billy now. He didn’t move.

“I’m your best chance to get out of this,” she said. Billy’s face was intense, his forehead covered in a fine sheen of sweat.

Her hands at her sides, Melanie rose, still on her knees, so her mouth was right in front of Billy’s crotch. He stared down, transfixed.

“I’ll do anything you want, Billy.”

I finally found my voice. “Doesn’t matter what she says — you’ll never get away with this. And when your father finds out, he’ll—”

Billy looked up. “You bitch—”

Melanie rammed her forehead into his crotch. He let out a huge bellow and stumbled backward. The knife fell out of his hands and skidded to my left. I lunged for it, but my body was slow to respond and I hit the floor with a thud.

Melanie and Billy were struggling for the gun. He grabbed her by the hair and slammed her head into the fridge. I reached for the knife but my fingers closed around air. I looked to my left and saw Billy dive for the gun on the floor — Melanie kicked it away in time.

He punched her. She went down and stayed down. Now he was coming for me. My vision was blurry, but I could see the gun in his hand. I searched the floor in frantic swoops. Just as my fingers closed around the knife, his hands grasped my feet and he hauled me out from under the table. I tried to grip the table leg with one hand, but he pulled harder. Then I heard a small voice.

“Mommy?”

Billy let go of my leg and straightened up. I thrust the knife into his thigh. He screamed and clutched at it. I was still gripping the handle as he wrenched his body backward until I was left holding the knife.

“Mommy!”

Blood from Billy’s leg was turning the front of his jeans dark. He dropped to his knees. My vision was getting worse.

Ally was still screaming. Billy crawled toward the gun, which had ended up near the sliding glass door. Moose was going nuts through the glass.

With the knife in my hands I crawled after Billy, but my body swayed. I focused my blurred eyes on his back as he stretched for the gun. When I was right behind him, I raised my hand with the knife. He saw me in the door’s