Come Back to Me

our house,’ she added, her hand gesturing towards their front door.

Alex looked from Chloe to their front door, then again, as though trying to make an impossible decision. ‘Fuck!’, he growled, and charged back up the steps to the house, slamming the front door behind him.

Mark and Chloe were glued to the spot.

‘Chloe, I’m sorry…’ Mark began feebly.

‘I hope it hurt,’ she replied, and strode off down the road.

Mark hurried after her, still wincing as he touched his cheek. ‘Where are you going?’ he asked as he caught up with her.

She whirled round. ‘I don’t know, Mark, okay?’

‘Let me buy you a drink.’

The bitter laugh caught in her throat. ‘You have got to be kidding.’

‘Chloe, it feels like minus twenty out here, plus you need to calm down, and I want to apologise. Come on.’ He gave her a push towards the pub, half-expecting her to turn on her heel, but she went grudgingly with him.

Once inside they found a booth tucked away in a corner, and Chloe slid into it, aware that her hands were trembling, while Mark went to get drinks. Only when he came back with two gin and tonics did she remember that she wasn’t meant to be drinking. One won’t hurt, she said to herself; however, after the first sip she felt sick and pushed it away.

Mark was watching her but she couldn’t think of anything to say, so she let him, and swirled the liquid in her glass, staring at it.

Eventually he said, ‘It might not be what you think.’

She looked up at Mark and rolled her eyes. ‘I’m not that dumb, Mark. And since when did you give a shit about my marriage?’

‘Okay, sorry. Just trying to help.’

Chloe gave a brief snort. ‘Yes, that poisonous note on my desk was very helpful.’

Mark hung his head for a moment then looked up at her again. ‘I was a complete shit for doing that, I’m sorry.’

‘So what did Alex say to you on the phone?’ As she waited she could feel the tension within her rising to boiling point.

Mark shrugged. ‘He just asked for Julia’s number.’

‘How did he sound?’

‘Honestly? Pretty stressed out.’

‘Stressed out with all the lying, I’d imagine.’ Chloe thought of all the duped wives she’d seen traipsing through her office. She couldn’t believe she was one of them now. ‘I’d never in a million years have believed that Alex could do this to me.’

Mark sighed. ‘Chloe, you know I can’t stand the guy, and that was before he punched me, so I don’t know why I’m saying this – but what exactly has Alex done to you? Because if he needed to phone me to get Julia’s number, I doubt he’s having an affair with her.’

‘It could have been an old affair,’ she replied, but his comment had penetrated the fug of her thoughts.

‘True,’ Mark agreed. ‘But at the end of the day, you won’t know until you ask him, will you?’

29

When Alex stormed back into the lounge again, his expression was thunderous.

‘I’m sorry…’ Julia began, unsure of what else to say.

He tried a smile. It didn’t come off. ‘Not your fault.’

‘You really love her,’ she said quietly, feeling a fresh pang of pain, as though she hadn’t quite believed this could be true.

‘Yes.’ He moved across to her, holding her shoulders, watching her until she looked back up at him. She thought he was going to shake her, but instead he just said, ‘Oh, Amy, why the hell didn’t you come back?’

She swung away from him so he couldn’t see her expression. ‘It was complicated,’ she said. ‘After Dad died.’

He ignored her, his voice becoming strident. ‘I saw your mum, Amy – at the funeral. She was a wreck. She had no one.’ She felt herself flinch but if he noticed he didn’t care, his anger was leading the way now. ‘She said she thought you blamed yourself – that was why you stayed away – but how could you -’

Julia swung around, her voice rising to a shout. ‘You think it was easy for me, staying away? Do you think I was sitting someplace sipping a cocktail, painting my nails; that I couldn’t be bothered to go home? It broke me, Alex. I thought I’d been broken before that, but no – it changed every thing… So don’t you dare insinuate that you know what it was like for me…’

‘And do you know what it was like for me, Amy?’ He barked every word at her. ‘I made a promise to you. I kept it for years. I heard nothing. Your mother didn’t want to talk to me after the funeral. I was in limbo. I tried everything. I even thought you were dead. It took years, Amy, before I moved on, and it was a slow and painful decision… and now you walk back into my life, and I’m the one who has to feel guilty as all hell that I broke that promise – but where were you, Amy? Tell me that.’

His words had drained the fight from her. She sat down on his sofa and put her head in her hands. Then took them away in surprise. They were wet. She was crying.

Alex seemed drained too, and slumped next to her. He put his hand on her shoulder, and rubbed it as she sobbed.

Eventually, she whispered into the silence, ‘So, what do we do now?’

She heard Alex take a deep breath. ‘I have no idea,’ he said. ‘But before anything else, there’s something I really have to tell you.’

30

She looked at the printouts he’d got from the internet. As he talked to her, he took hold of her hands, stroking them. In response her memories slowly began to unlock themselves. Long-buried images poured out like unstoppable sand, filling her head with fresh pain. His voice became distant.

She was in the darkness again, with voices overhead. She could hear them plainly, as if it were still happening. She could see them looking down at her; blurry faces with blackened eyes. Noxious breath as they leaned in, staring. She was disorientated at the suddenness of it all, but as the panic kicked in and hands came towards her she had to get away…

She suddenly jolted. She had to move, right now. She pushed the hands away, all her focus on the door.

‘AMY! AMY!’

The hands were still there. She flailed and kicked desperately until she realised she was just fighting the air.

She blinked, trying to focus.

Alex was watching her, horrified. She was so embarrassed that now her tears came in a torrent of release, and she heaved herself over to a chair and folded into it, sucking in oxygen.

She felt a glass pushed into her hand, and took sips of cool water, beginning to feel calmer.

‘Amy, Jesus…’ Alex was saying.

‘Sorry,’ she mumbled.

‘It’s okay.’ He crouched near her but he didn’t touch her again.

She thought back to what he’d told her. ‘You mean it’s happening now?’

‘Yes, I’ve checked it all out. It’s almost over, I think. It’s quite high profile over there.’