knowing that he wanted her there. She made herself useful to Mr Vanner in the background, not wanting to distract Jared from the coming danger.
There were three vital days. First came the practice sessions, when the drivers could study the track, making notes about bends and straights, where it was good to overtake, where overtaking should be avoided at all costs. Following that there would be work done on the cars so that they could perform at their best on that particular track, and next day came the qualifying sessions, when the drivers raced around the circuit-the fastest being awarded ‘pole position’ at the front of the starting grid.
In Team Cannonball there were a few nerves. As the current world champion Jared was expected to get pole position, but on the last race he’d lost it to Hal. He’d won that race, but nobody was going to feel at ease until he’d qualified at the front. Least of all Jared himself.
But everything went well. In practice he stormed ahead, his qualifying lap was fastest, and he achieved pole position. On the night before the race he retired early, blissfully happy.
‘Tomorrow’s going to be a good day,’ he murmured sleepily.
‘Just be careful,’ she urged. ‘Please be careful.’
‘Careful? That’s not what it’s about.’
‘But Jared-Jared-?’
He was already asleep.
He didn’t know what she was talking about, she realised. Caution? What was that? The risks he took were calculated to the extreme degree, and as far as he was concerned that was all that mattered.
But now she was living in a different world, one that shrieked DANGER when he got into the car.
She tried to be reasonable. Everything was safer now. Drivers crashed, but got out of their cars and walked away. It was a long time since anyone had been killed.
She thought of the last few years, when she’d watched a hundred Grand Prix on television, feeling only the calm interest of one who knew the industry from the inside. Jared had never been hers, and the feeling of distance had protected her from fear.
But now everything was different. With every hour she was growing closer to him, perhaps loving him, and was devastated at the thought of his death. She turned and lay beside him, trying to see his sleeping face but not quite managing it. He was oblivious to her, lost in the only world that would matter to him for the next few hours. She leaned over and kissed him, just managing to touch his ear.
‘Come back to me,’ she whispered. ‘And to Mike. Don’t leave him, whatever you do. He couldn’t bear it now-any more than I could.’
Then she turned over, knowing there was no more to say. She wouldn’t mention the subject tomorrow, because the worst thing she could do was nag him before a race.
In the event her worries seemed groundless. Jared held the lead from start to finish. At first Kaye held her breath, her heart pounding, but Jared’s mastery soon became so clear that she was able to relax until he crossed the finishing line.
She rejoiced in his victory, but what warmed her heart most was the fact that he took the first opportunity to call Mike, and talked to him for ten minutes before handing the phone to Kaye.
‘Now we’ll have a month without travelling,’ Jared said as they lay together that night.
He was referring to the fact that the next race, in two weeks’ time, was at Silverstone, in England, and she hastened to say, ‘You know what Mike’s going to want, don’t you?’
‘Yes. He’d never forgive either of us if he didn’t get a visit to Silverstone. I’ll fix it. I want to get to know him well before we say anything.’
‘Tell him who you are, you mean? You could tell him now. He’s such a fan of yours that he’ll be thrilled.’
‘He’s a fan of the driver. I want him to be a fan of the father. Please, Kaye, humour me in this.’ His eyes suddenly held a mysteriously distant look. ‘It’s important.’
‘Of course,’ she said. ‘We’ll tell him together when the time comes.’
It was another reason for happiness. She hadn’t expected such insight from Jared.
As before, he fell asleep first-which must be natural, she realised, in a man who lived though his senses. She guessed that recent events had brought about the first hint of a change, and the discovery of his son had made him think seriously for the first time in his life. But he was still ruled by instinctive reactions.
And so am I, she mused. How many times have we made love? And did I take precautions? It never crossed my mind any more than it seems to have crossed his. And if I become pregnant again? Is that what I secretly want? Is it what he secretly wants? Is he hoping I won’t notice that we aren’t being careful?
A faint, daring smile illuminated her face.
Fine, she thought. Then I won’t notice.
And might it not be best like this? Perhaps there was something to be said for trusting Fate to show you the way.
On the journey home next day he could talk of nothing but how much he was looking forward to being with Mike in the school holidays.
A funfair had arrived in the local park and Jared seized his chance. An evening spent with thrill rides, dodgems, big wheel and rollercoaster was exactly what the two daredevils needed to bond with each other.
Sam and Ethel came too, but went off in a different direction.
‘The stalls are quite exciting enough for us,’ Ethel said. ‘See you later.’
Kaye never forgot that first ride on the rollercoaster-climbing slowly up into the sky, the moment at the very top with nothing between them and the heavens, then the headlong plunge. It was like her life now, she thought. Glorious heights, the descents, then climbing again, and finally coming to rest.
‘Again,’ Mike demanded when they landed.
‘Aren’t you scared?’ she demanded.
His puzzled look answered her. What on earth did ‘scared’ mean?
She went up three more times, then persuaded her crazy menfolk to get out and head for the hoopla stall. But after a few throws Mike was determined to return to the rollercoaster.
‘If you don’t like it, Mummy, you don’t need to come,’ he said kindly.
‘That’s very nice of you, darling.’
Suddenly Mike threw his arms around her. ‘I don’t want you to be scared or upset.’
‘As long as you’re safe I’ll be fine.’
They drew back, smiling into each other’s eyes in perfect understanding. For a moment they both forgot about Jared, watching them with the gentle, quizzical expression of a man who’d just made a stunning discovery.
The moment passed quickly. A boy of five could only allow himself to be soppy for a brief time. As if to make up for it, Mike seized Jared’s hand in both his, hauling him away. Jared threw Kaye a helpless look and allowed himself to be commandeered.
‘I’ll bet Jared was exactly like that at his age,’ Ethel said from behind Kaye, where she and Sam had just appeared.
‘I’m sure of it,’ Kaye agreed. ‘He’s still like it now.’
