A Whirlwind Engagement

Josh looked bleakly back at her. 'I just think it would be easiest if I didn't see you any more.'

'But…why?'

'Because being friends isn't enough for me any more.' He dropped his head into his hands as if unable to look at her stricken face. 'I'm sorry, Bella,' he said. 'I just can't do it. The last thing I want to do is to hurt you but I don't think I can stand it any longer. We should never have slept together that night,' he went on, not stopping to see her reaction. 'It's ruined everything. I knew it would. I knew we wouldn't be able to go back to the way we were before, and we can't, or at least, I can't. It was OK when I could just think of you as a dear friend, and I'm going to miss you more than I can say, but I'm too in love with you to be friends now, and I don't know how I'm going to bear not seeing you.'

The words were pouring out of him in a rush. Bella had never heard the self-possessed Josh sound so incoherent, and it took her a few moments to realise what he had said. When she did, she swallowed hard.

'Josh-'

But it only came out as a whisper, and Josh was still talking. Now that he had started, he seemed unable to stop.

'I haven't known what to do,' he was saying in despair. 'I was desperate to see you, but I knew that if I did I would just want to kiss you, and it's no good. I know you want us to stay friends, but I can't. I can't do it, Bella.'

'Josh-' she tried again.

'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I don't want to embarrass you.' He hadn't even heard her. 'God, this is awful, but I have to tell you I love you. I love you,' he said again despairingly. 'I don't think I can manage without you, but I know how you feel about Will, and I know nothing is ever going to be the same again and-'

'Josh!' Bella had to shout in the end, and he stopped as if she had slapped him in the face. 'Will you please shut up a minute and let me say something?' she asked him.

He looked cautious. 'Yes.'

'I am not in love with Will,' she said very clearly. 'I do not want him. I want you.'

It was Josh's turn to stare. He kept opening and closing his mouth as if he couldn't decide which statement astounded him most. 'What?' was all he managed eventually.

'I only said that I was in love with Will because you were engaged to Aisling,' she told him. 'I thought it would be awkward if you knew how much I loved you then and it just seemed easier to let you believe that I was miserable about Will, but I wasn't. I was miserable because of you.'

'Easier?'

'Well, I didn't know that you loved me, did I?' Bella pointed out, exasperated.

They faced each other almost irritably until Josh finally registered what she had said.

'You're in love with me?' he said in disbelief.

Bella sighed. 'I think I've probably always been in love with you, Josh. It just took me a long time to realise, and when I did, it was too late, or it seemed that way.'

Josh was still having trouble assimilating what she was telling him. 'You love me?'

'Yes,' said Bella, going for the simple approach, which was all he seemed capable of understanding. She felt as if a huge smile had started inside her and was spreading out to her fingers and her toes and the ends of her hair and finally her lips. 'Yes, I do.'

'Bella…' Josh was still staring at her, but suddenly it sank in and he started to laugh. 'Bella,' he said again as he reached across the sofa and pulled her onto his lap and kissed her. 'Do you know how many years I've waited to hear you say that? Fourteen!'

'You're not going to try and tell me that you were in love with me all that time!'

'Of course I was! I fell in love with you at first sight,' he told her. 'You know perfectly well that you were gorgeous and irresistible, and you still are,' he said, kissing her again, and Bella wound her arms around his neck and kissed him back.

'Why didn't you tell me?' she mumbled against his throat.

'I knew you would never look at me,' said Josh, his hands moving hungrily over her. 'You were way out of my league! So I opted for friendship. I told myself that it was better than nothing, and I got used to the fact that you were going to end up with someone else. I didn't like it when I thought you were serious about Will, but you seemed so keen, there didn't seem much I could do about it.

'I think that's why I turned to Aisling,' he said. 'I thought she might be like you but the trouble was, she wasn't you. I was so relieved when she broke off the engagement!

'And you,' he said, pulling her down into the cushions and kissing her, long, deep, desperate kisses, 'you were so sympathetic, which was the last thing I wanted. You kept going on about being a friend and all I wanted was you. That's why I spent so much time with Aisling,' he told her. 'It was the only way I could think of to keep my hands off you!'

Bella sighed happily. 'For two people who know each other as well as we do, we seem to have got into a right old muddle,' she said. Her arms tightened around him. 'Is there anything else that I should know to avoid any more misunderstandings?'

'Only that I love you,' said Josh seriously, taking her face between his hands and looking deep into her eyes. 'I love you and I need you, and I want to come home every night and know that you'll be there. What do you think, Bella? Can we be lovers as well as friends?'

'Yes,' said Bella, pulling his head down so that she could kiss him again. 'We can, and we always will be.'

'This is all very mysterious!' said Gib, when Bella opened the door. 'All Phoebe will tell me is that we've been summoned to dinner and no excuses will be accepted. What are you girls keeping from me?'

'I've told you everything I know,' protested Phoebe, standing beside him. 'Tell him, Bella.'

'It's true. She doesn't know any more than you do. It's a surprise for everyone.' Bella smiled radiantly. 'Come in,' she said. 'Kate and Finn are already here.'

'Thank goodness you're here!' exclaimed Kate, hugging first Phoebe and then Gib when they went into the kitchen. 'Finn and I are dying of curiosity, aren't we, Finn?'

'I'm beside myself,' he agreed, deadpan.

'Well, I am,' said Kate when they all laughed.

'Me too,' said Gib. 'So come on, Bella! Don't keep us in suspense any longer. What is this big surprise?'

Bella looked at Josh, who smiled and took her hand. 'Bella and I are getting married,' he announced.

There was a moment's silence, then the four others burst out laughing.

'Well, we knew that!'

'That's not a surprise!' objected Phoebe.

'I agree,' said Kate. 'We've known for ages. I told Finn weeks ago that you were finally getting your act together.'

'I thought at the very least you were going to tell us you were having a baby!' said Phoebe.

'Well, it was a surprise to us!' Bella was inclined to be offended, but Josh was laughing too.

'It's no good, Bella,' he said. 'That's what comes of having good friends. They know you better than you know yourself!'

'But we're very, very glad you've come to your senses at last,' said Phoebe, making amends as she hugged them both.

'And about time,' Kate added, doing a swap. 'We were beginning to wonder if you would ever get round to it!'

'I think this makes it a hat trick, doesn't it?' said Gib when the champagne had been opened. 'Three mock engagements, three happy endings!'

Josh put his arm around Bella and kissed her. 'Three happy beginnings,' he said.

Jessica Hart