The panels.
She wished she had not remembered them. Nebrov had knowledge of the Zavkov, and that meant it was no longer enough for Marianna just to keep her silence. Not if she was to keep her promise to her mother and fulfill the duty she had known she must perform since childhood.
There were no ifs about it, she thought impatiently. The promise must be kept. There was no excuse not to do so now that Alex was safe. The act would drive the final wedge between her and Jordan, but perhaps that was for the best. Now that she had realized how much she loved him, she was like a hungry child trying to grab every moment, every experience. That first moment she had seen Jordan outside the ravin’s tent had been torture, staring at him, wanting to touch him to make sure he was really safe. She had wanted to step forward and take him, claim him, but therein lay the danger. There was only one way for them to be joined, and that way would eventually destroy her. No, she must be done with him so that she would not be tempted to return to that mindless creature she had been at Dalwynd.
She deliberately blocked the pain the thought brought. Evidently she was not ready to come to grips with leaving him yet, she thought wearily. She would be better able to face these problems after she had rested.
A moment later she was curling up on her pallet and closing her eyes. Darkness was welcome, darkness was safe, darkness brought forgetfulness. She had always loved the light, but she did not want it now.
She would rest for just an hour and then go fetch Alex from the ravin’s tent.
Only an hour…
She thinks Alex is rejecting her, dammit.” Jordan’s hands clenched into fists at his sides.
“She cannot turn back the clock,” Gregor said quietly. “She must realize the boy will never be the same.”
“I know. And she will blame me for that too.” “She is not unfair. The change is still new to her, but her hurt will heal. Who should know better how life can scar?”
Jordan flinched. He had added his measure of cuts to form those scars. “I share this particular blame.” His lips tightened grimly. “I want Nebrov.”
“As do I. He has claimed too much from us.” He paused. “And he is not going to give up. He is not foolish enough to pursue us into Kazan, but he will still try to find a way to find the tunnel.”
“Without the Jedalar?”
“He mentioned something else. Zavkov.”
Jordan frowned. “What the devil is that?”
“I do not know, but Marianna did. He called it the lock for the key. Evidently the Jedalar is only part of the answer.”
It made sense. Though the complete map was contained in the panel, there would have to be someone to interpret it, and the czar had trusted no one. “You say Marianna knows?”
“And was dismayed that Nebrov did. It frightened her.”
“Enough to make her give us the Jedalar?”
Gregor shrugged. “It is possible. I thought I would let you discuss it with her.”
“I will.” He glanced in the direction in which Marianna had vanished. “But not now. We still have time.”
“Not very much.”
“I know that,” he said harshly. “What do you expect me to do? She’s tired and frightened and hurting.”
“When this started, you would not have cared about her, if it meant keeping Kazan safe.”
“Not now!” He turned and stalked away. Gregor was right, but that did not make the choices easier. He did not want to coerce and use her, and God knows he did not want to hurt her again. Why couldn’t she see that it was better that he find the tunnel rather than Nebrov? Kazan would use it only for its own defense, but it would be a disaster if that map was given to Napoleon.
She would not see because she trusted no one but herself. She had revealed only the details she had been forced to give him to save Alex, and he doubted if she would be willing to confide any more now.
What the devil was Zavkov?
Marianna did not wake until almost midnight and came back sluggishly to awareness.
Alex… She should not be sleeping. Alex needed her.
Alex was not here! Nebrov had him and-
Panic brought her fully awake, but relief immediately followed as she realized that horror was over. Alex must still be with the ravin, and she had only to fetch him.
She splashed water into her face and made a scanty attempt at tidying her hair before leaving the tent.
The camp was silent, and except for the guards on the perimeter, everyone appeared to be sleeping. Jordan was in one of those tents. A memory came back to her of his lean body sprawled naked next to her on the bed, his arm curved possessively about her.
She veered away from that image. She did not want to think of Jordan and definitely not of those days at Dalwynd. Her body’s response was too ingrained not to-
A lantern still burned in the ravin’s tent.
Had she taken a turn for the worse? Marianna ran the last several yards to the tent and threw up the flap.
She stopped just inside the threshold. Alex was curled up on the pallet beside the ravin, his curly head nestled on her naked shoulder.
A sharp pang pierced her at the sight of them. Even in conflict the bond had been apparent, but now they could be mother and son.
She must have made some noise because the ravin opened her eyes, and her gaze flew to where Marianna stood.
Marianna took another step into the tent. “He must be making you uncomfortable. I’ll take him now.”
“No!” The ravin’s arm tightened around Alex. “It’s my good shoulder. He just fell asleep. Leave him alone.”
“If you are not uncomfortable, then he must be. He needs to go to bed.”
“Does he look uncomfortable?” the ravin challenged. “It is you who are uncomfortable with him being here.” She nodded toward the low stool beside the pallet. “Sit down. We must talk.”
“I don’t wish to talk. We’ll wake Alex.”
“Nothing could wake him but the horn of Gabriel. He was up all of last night tending my wound. Jordan could not get him to rest. He would not be asleep now if he had not dozed off from exhaustion.” She looked at Alex, and her hand gently stroked his curls. “He does not look like you. He is dark, and you are fair.”
Marianna reluctantly moved to the stool and sat down. “He favors my mother.”
“He’s a handsome boy. She must have been beautiful.”
“Yes.”
Her attention shifted to Marianna. “You are jealous. You do not like him being here with me.”
“I’m
“You won’t lose him. You have given him love and performed your duty through all his life. It will bind him to you.” She smiled without mirth. “Believe me. It is a truth I know well.”
“But you chose to cut that tie with Jordan.”
“Because I was young and selfish. I had married a weak man who thought he could steal my strength. When he found I was not going to let him do it, he made my life a misery. I was a stranger and alone in that cold land. I had to escape.”
“And leave your child.”
“Do you think I wished to do it? I loved him. He was my salvation, but I could not bear it there.” She shrugged. “If I had stayed, he would have lost me anyway.”
“I cannot see that.”
“No?” Her eyes glinted. “My husband had started to beat me. I have a terrible temper, and I would not have tolerated that for very long. I would have killed him.” She smiled sardonically. “I preferred fleeing England to being hanged for murder. You, no doubt, would have stayed and meekly borne any abuse for duty’s sake.”
“No, I am not meek, and I probably would have left Cambaron as you did.” She paused. “But I would have found a way to take my child with me.”
“As I should have done,” the ravin whispered. “I’m not denying my guilt. Do you think I have not regretted it? It
