“Whatever you wish. You’ll look lovely in a sack, or even without one,” Geoff said, laughing to show it was a jest.
He’d meant it as a joke and a compliment, she knew. But Leland didn’t laugh, and neither did she. She was suddenly very sorry that he’d said it.
Daisy felt weary and apprehensive.
She hadn’t been feeling well since the morning she’d met with Geoff and Leland. Now it was night, and she’d be seeing Geoff again, and maybe now he’d ask the question she’d come so many miles to hear. And for the first time in a long time, she didn’t know what to do.
Every step of her life since the day she’d landed in Botany Bay, dazed and hurting in body and spirit, Tanner at her side, had been spent in daydreams and night fancies and dreams of escape.
She’d finally put those plans into action, and now she found herself wanting to escape again.
What would she say when Geoff asked her to marry him? She had to ask for more time. In the long night awake she’d just had, she’d decided to do that. But once he asked, she’d have to at least kiss him; that was only fair. She’d decided in the early hours of the morning that she’d do it, just to see what it was like.
And if it was unbearable?
Then she’d leave London, and go back to where she’d been born and raised, buy herself a cottage, and live alone, with chickens and geese and a dog. No one would bother her there; she wouldn’t be ostracized by Society as she’d been in London, or threatened by greedy suitors as she’d been in Port Jackson. There were worse fates. One thing she knew. She’d never put herself into a prison again, whether it was made of laws or iron bars, or her conscience telling her to do her duty.
“I never thought blue would suit you, but that blue is vibrant, and you do look lovely,” Helena said, as she gazed at Daisy in her new gown.
“It’s the gold trim,” Daisy said absently. “You look lovely, too. Red becomes you.”
“It’s too fast a color for a companion,” Helena said. “I’ll just go change.”
“You won’t,” Daisy said. “I won’t allow it. I’m a terrible employer, aren’t I? Never mind. Wear it because you look good in it. Now, let’s go downstairs; Geoff and the viscount are probably waiting. But one thing, Helena: If I meet that wall of eyes again, if people start whispering about me, I’m leaving. At once. Understood?”
“If they stare, it will be in wonder, because you’re very attractive,” Helena said. “If they whisper, it will be because you’ve been seen with the earl and the viscount, and gossips will be alerted. Because one is known for his flirts, and the other is never seen with a woman. They’ll wonder which of them is the one you’re involved with.”
“Does going to a soiree with someone automatically mean you’re involved with them?”
“With that pair of gentlemen?” Helena said. “Yes.”
Well, so she was, or would be, or couldn’t be, Daisy thought. She raised her head and went out the door. It was time to find out which of those fates hers would be.
But Geoff wasn’t downstairs waiting for her. Only Leland, looking cool and self-possessed, and incredibly attractive in his severe black and white evening clothes.
“The earl had some last-minute business to take care of,” Leland said. “He said he’d meet us there. So, ladies, I’m a very lucky man because I’m your sole escort tonight. Unless, of course, the idea appalls. Then I’ll simply go hang myself in some convenient dark corner.”
Helena laughed.
Daisy frowned. Did that mean Geoff had second thoughts? Maybe it meant he had to go somewhere to get that family heirloom so he could give it to her when she said yes. She frowned, wondering if that was what she would answer.
“Mrs. Tanner is obviously of two minds about it,” she heard Leland say.
“No,” she said, raising her head. “Thank you, we’re grateful to you.”
He bowed. “Thank you for that,” he said. “Now, ladies, let’s go dazzle them.”
Daisy hesitated only at the last minute. They stood in the doorway, looking into a crowded ballroom, waiting for the butler to announce them. She held her breath.
“Don’t worry,” Leland said at her ear. “If they seem stiff when they look at you, it’s only because they’re afraid-of me. I can rake up old coals they’d rather not be roasted with. And so I told them. Courage.”
Daisy nodded. When she heard her name announced, she stepped forward. She couldn’t go more than two steps. Because she was swarmed.
“That’s the only word I can use!” she told Leland an hour later, when he took her into the courtyard out back of the town house so she could breathe.
She subsided to giggles and sank down to sit on the wide marble lip of an ornamental fishpond. “Oh, Lord! How could I have taken them seriously?” Her face grew grave. She looked up at him. “I know you threatened them. But I was a convicted criminal; surely they can’t forget that.”
Leland sat next to her. “They don’t forget it, but they excuse it. Anyone would. Your crime was being a good daughter. Your punishment far exceeded the crime. It was a travesty of justice.”
She shrugged. “Maybe. But people are hanged every day for less. I was lucky. I didn’t stay in Newgate long, and I lived to get to Botany Bay. The only unlucky thing was having to marry Tanner.”
“Geoff said he was a brute; Daffyd agreed,” Leland said softly, conversationally, not wanting to break her mood when she was in such a confiding frame of mind. “What else? I know it’s not my place to ask. But you could answer, if only because it might make you feel better, and I do want to know.”
“Why?” she asked, turning her head to look at him, all traces of her hilarity gone.
“Because I like you,” he said simply.
He sat so close to her, she could feel the warmth of his hard thigh at her side through her thin gown. They were far enough away from the other guests to be alone, and yet not so far as to provoke a scandal. They could be seen, but only in silhouette. It was a cool, azure night; the moon was full and the sky free of clouds. The sounds of the party were in the background; the burbling of the fountain that fed the fishpond was the loudest thing they heard. It was curiously intimate, while being public. They could speak freely and not be overheard.
“Do you like me?” she asked. “Maybe you do. All right, I’ll tell you. Why not? What did Tanner do? What he could, and that was a lot. He didn’t like me much. But he didn’t like anyone much. He did like having a woman and other men envying him for it. What else? I used to count up his virtues when I was feeling particularly blue, so I could get through another day.
“On the good side,” she said, holding up one gloved hand and counting off on her fingers. “He wasn’t a bad- looking man. I suppose it would have been worse if he looked disgusting. But he didn’t. He was a little heavyset, to be sure, but men can carry extra weight. He was ginger-haired and had blue eyes. He wasn’t a beau, but he wasn’t ugly. That’s a point in his favor, I suppose. He saved me from having to accommodate a lot of men; he told me that all the time. He did legally marry me, which I suppose he didn’t have to do. And he became rich.
“On the bad side,” she said, holding up her other hand. “He had a terrible temper, little learning, and no use for more. He had no talent for conversation, at least with women. He never read, though I think he could, and he didn’t like to bathe. He cheated at cards, and hit people who couldn’t hit back. When he drank he got meaner, and he drank a lot. He ate with his fingers, and spit wherever he chose. He couldn’t have children; he hinted as much once when he was drunk and had the sobbing staggers-you know, when you drink so much you think everything’s a misery? Lucky for me he forgot the next morning; he’d never forgive me knowing he couldn’t father a brat. Although that might be one on the good side, I never decided. And I’ve run out of fingers.”
She folded her hands in her lap and looked at them. “I hated him, pure and simple,” she said in a harsh whisper. “The best day in our marriage was the day they came to tell me he was dead, gone over his horse’s head and landed on his neck, breaking it. I cried. Because I was so glad. I lived in fear of him every minute of every hour of every year. I was his wife and his slave, and there was no way I could get even. So I celebrated when he died. Surely that’s a sin.”
