“That would have been nice,” he said. Then he wondered. How would he have reacted to the news of Stacey’s pregnancy five years ago? He wouldn’t have wanted to believe it was his child and probably wouldn’t have until he’d seen the baby. The guilt-it would have overwhelmed him. Sometimes it still did.
What would have happened if he’d known about Christie from the beginning? How would he have acted? Would he have wanted her? All that innocent life might have gotten in the way of his mourning. The last month had taught him he used the pain of losing Robin to remind himself he was alive. If he felt that, he was at least feeling something.
But Christie required more. With her around, the pain disappeared. He had to experience the world, and sometimes he didn’t want to. Maybe she would have brought him back to the land of the living sooner, or maybe he would have destroyed her, too.
No, he told himself. Erin wouldn’t have let that happen. Erin. Just thinking about her, about them together last night, made him grin. If he’d meet her five years ago, he would never have seen her as her own person. He wouldn’t have risked getting to know her, getting close to her. He would have missed the chance to…To what? Care? Did he? Could he? It wasn’t safe, not for either of them.
“Do you have to do more work?” Christie asked.
“Yes. I’m finishing up a program. I’ll be done either tonight or tomorrow, then I promise we’ll spend some time together. Okay?”
She nodded. “Yes, Daddy, it’s okay. I’m a big girl. Mommy goes to work at school and you go to work here. When I grow up, I’m going to go to work, too.”
She jumped down and started out of the room. At the doorway, she turned back to him. “When Kiki brings you dinner tonight, you eat everything on the tray. Even your vegetables. They make you big and strong.”
He grinned. “Yes, Christie. I promise.”
She gave him her winning smile, complete with dimples, then disappeared into the hall. He wasn’t sure he deserved it, but he’d gotten lucky with her. Pray God, he didn’t screw up.
Parker strolled back to his computer and stared at the screen. In a matter of seconds, he was lost in the program.
When next he surfaced, it was dark outside. An untouched tray sat on his desk. He hadn’t even heard Kiki come in. He glanced at the clock and was stunned to see one forty-eight. He’d been at the computer since eight that morning.
Weariness descended. He rubbed his burning eyes. He was tired and sore, but it had been worth it. The problem was solved, the program nearly complete. Nothing like a night of hot sex to clear your thinking, he told himself. Maybe he could-
Damn. He’d been in his office all day. He hadn’t seen Erin. She hadn’t come to see him-at least he didn’t remember her coming in the room-and he hadn’t sought her out. After last night she was probably expecting something from him. Even something as simple as a polite greeting. He bolted from the room, then paused at the top of the stairs.
“You’re a jerk, Hamilton,” he muttered aloud. Last night had been terrific, so the first chance he got, he messed it up.
He started up the stairs, then paused. It was nearly two in the morning. He couldn’t go barging into her room just to apologize for ignoring her all day. He would have to wait until morning. No doubt she was going to be furious. He deserved it. He’d been an insensitive clod.
He headed down the stairs toward the main floor. Halfway there he noticed a light shining from the study. Kiki would be gone or asleep. Had his housekeeper left a lamp on for him, or was Erin still awake?
He hurried across the hardwood floor and stepped into the study. Erin sat in the leather wing chair reading. The light behind her left shoulder highlighted the red in her hair. She was dressed in a loose summer dress. Skinny straps left her shoulders and slender arms bare. The front dipped low enough to hint at the generous curves below. His fingers curled toward his palms as he remembered touching her there, holding and caressing her.
She hadn’t noticed him in the doorway. “Erin?” he said.
She glanced up and smiled. “Ah, life arises from the laboratory. What did you discover today, Dr. Frankenstein?”
He crossed the floor in three long strides. “That I’m a jerk,” he said and bent over.
She raised her face and accepted his kiss. Her soft, yielding mouth relieved some of the tension in his chest. When her mouth parted, he swept inside and teased them both into a state of mild arousal.
At last he pulled away and dropped a kiss on the top of her head. “Thanks for not being angry.”
“Why would I be? You went to work and got involved with your program. I guessed you had some kind of breakthrough. I think that’s great.”
He settled on the ottoman in front of her chair and studied her face. Her eyes were clear of any dark emotions, her mouth curved up at the corners.
“Really?”
She put her bookmark in place and set the book on the small table to her right. “Cross my heart.” She made an
“I owe it all to you,” he said, placing his hands on her knees. “You inspired me.”
“I’ll take credit for distracting you, but I think inspiration is a little much.” Her hair brushed against her bare shoulders. “Quit looking so guilty. I’m not mad. I know your work is important to you. We made love last night. It was terrific for both of us. This morning you found the solution to a problem that’s been bugging you for weeks. If anything, I’m flattered. Why can’t you accept that?”
“Because I should have brought you breakfast in bed, or maybe a dozen roses.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Oh, that would have been subtle. Then no one would have known what happened.”
“Yeah, okay, maybe not breakfast in bed. I didn’t mean to ignore you today. I don’t want you to think I don’t care about what happened last night. It was great.” He met her gaze. “You were great.”
His hands moved up her legs to her thighs. It was late, but they were still awake. Maybe they could-
She wrapped her fingers around his wrists and held him in place.
“Parker, we have to talk.”
That particular phrase always meant bad news. He placed his elbows on his knees. “About?”
“Us.” Erin shifted in the chair. “The next step. I wondered what you had in mind. Christie and I will be here another five weeks. What happens now?”
“You mean sexually?”
“Was it a one-night thing?”
“I hadn’t thought that far ahead,” he admitted. “I enjoyed being with you. I’d like us to be lovers.” He never thought he would say that again. He never thought he would want anyone. But it was more than just the sex. He liked her and respected her. She made him laugh and forget.
She leaned forward and placed her hands on top of his. Their faces were inches apart. He could see the individual colors in her irises. The blues, greens and golds. He could study the perfect shape of her mouth, the cupid’s bow upper lip and the full lower one.
He wanted her. His blood heated and his arousal was instant. He wanted to do everything they had done last night, and a few things they hadn’t.
“I know this complicates the situation,” he said, “but I think we can work it out.”
She laced her fingers with his, then stared at their joined hands. “I’m not that sophisticated, Parker. I wasn’t a virgin last night, but I haven’t been with a lot of men. I enjoyed what we did.” She gave him a half smile. “‘Enjoy’ isn’t quite powerful enough, is it? You were amazing.”
“But? Not that I don’t appreciate the compliment, but I hear a but.”
She nodded. “But I don’t think I can be your lover. Not that I don’t want to be. It’s very tempting. I’m just afraid that in the end, I’ll disappoint you.”
“That’s not possible.”
“I can’t keep giving my body without my heart coming along for the ride.” She met his gaze. “If we continue to be lovers I’ll-” She swallowed, but didn’t look away. “I’ll fall in love with you and I know you don’t want that.”
He’d known it was too good to last, but the sharpness of his regret startled him. Until she’d actually refused, he hadn’t known how much he’d wanted her in his life. It wasn’t fair, he acknowledged. A temporary situation gave him
