how to put the car seat into his car. His mom had helped with that.
The light changed and they crossed the street. When they arrived at the aquarium, Matt paid for their admission, collected a map and led the way inside.
“They have different talks all day long,” he said. “I thought maybe you’d like the octopus one.”
Gabe’s eyes brightened. “Yeah. That’s good.”
Matt pointed to the map. “What else interests you?”
Gabe glanced at the open paper, then back at Matt. The light faded from his eyes. “I can’t read, Dad.”
Matt swore silently. “Sorry,” he muttered, feeling like an ass. “Let’s walk around and see what’s fun.”
Gabe sighed heavily as he followed at his side.
It shouldn’t be like this, Matt thought, more frustrated by the second. The was his
Not knowing what else to do, Matt followed the signs to the Underwater Dome. They walked in through a tunnel that opened up into an area in the middle of a massive aquarium. They were surrounded by water and fish. Gabe pointed and ran over to the glass.
“Look! Look!”
He raced from side to side, unable to take it all in. Matt watched him and relaxed a little. Maybe everything was going to be okay.
They spent a long time in the Underwater Dome. At one point, Matt saw a couple of boys eyeing Gabe. They were older, bigger and each had a squirt gun in their hands. He strolled over, came up behind them and put a hand on their shoulders.
“Don’t even think about it,” he told them.
They looked up, swallowed, then took off.
“Want some ice cream?” he asked his son.
Gabe nodded.
They got ice cream and soda, then went to the octopus talk. Gabe listened attentively for about fifteen minutes as he licked his cone and got ice cream all over himself, then he started squirming. Matt led him out and was about to ask where they should go next when Gabe stumbled, clutched his stomach and promptly vomited all over the cement floor.
A woman in an aquarium uniform stopped next to him. “Poor kid. Too much ice cream, huh? The bathroom is over there. I’ll call for a cleanup.”
Gabe stood there, looking miserable. Matt didn’t know what to do. He hadn’t thrown up since a long night of drinking in college, but he remembered it wasn’t fun.
“Come on,” he said and ushered the boy into the bathroom. “You done?” he asked. “You need to throw up again?”
Gabe shook his head. Matt grabbed paper towels, dampened them and began wiping Gabe’s face. He didn’t know what to say. The ice cream had been kind of large. Matt hadn’t finished his, but Gabe had gotten the whole thing down…except the part that had melted on him. And the soda. That had been a mistake.
Who bought a four-year-old a large ice cream and soda? An idiot, that’s who. He was beyond stupid. There was no way in hell he should be allowed out with his son on his own. This time he’d gotten him sick. Next time it could be worse.
Frustrated and angry, he scrubbed the kid’s arms, then his hands. Gabe’s shirt and shorts were clean, but his shoes weren’t, so Matt wiped them as well.
He continued to berate himself, knowing that his plan to suck Jesse in, destroy her and take the kid had a massive flaw. While he wanted his former lover taken down, he had nothing against Gabe. Putting the child in mortal danger by hanging out with him was wrong. He had to-
A small sob caught his attention. He looked at Gabe and realized big, fat tears rolled down his cheeks.
Matt dropped the paper towel and grabbed him by his upper arms. “What’s wrong? Are you sick? Do you need to go to the hospital? Tell me. What is it?”
Gabe cried harder. Matt crouched down in front of him, feeling helpless.
“You gotta tell me, buddy,” he said. “I can fix it, whatever it is. Your stomach? Does it hurt?”
Gabe shook his head.
Okay, not that. “Your head? Your back?” What else could hurt on a four-year-old?
“You’re m-mad at me,” Gabe sobbed.
“What?” Mad at him? “No. Why would you think that?”
“You’re h-hurting me.” He pointed to a red spot on his arm where Matt had scrubbed a little too hard. “You l- look mad and you w-won’t talk to me.” There were more tears and a couple of heartbreaking sobs.
Matt felt like shit. Total and complete shit. He’d been so busy beating himself up, he hadn’t paid any attention to Gabe. Yet another way he was a danger to his son.
“I’m not mad,” he said, wishing Jesse was here and could take over. But she wasn’t. He was on his own. He knelt on the cement bathroom floor and wiped Gabe’s cheeks with his fingers. “I’m not mad at you.” He deliberately made his voice calm and friendly. “I’m kinda mad at myself.”
That got Gabe’s attention. The boy wiped his nose with the back of his hand. “Why?”
“You got sick because I bought you a big ice cream. I wanted to get you something you’d like, but I didn’t think that you’re still growing. I didn’t know it would make you throw up. The soda didn’t help, either. I felt bad and then I got mad at myself.”
“You’re not mad at me?”
“No. I’m having a good time with you.”
Gabe smiled through his tears. “Me, too,” he whispered, then threw himself at Matt.
His body was small and thin. Matt could feel his bones. The weight leaning against him was unfamiliar, but right. Not knowing what else to do, he hugged the boy. Skinny arms wrapped around his neck. He could feel Gabe’s heartbeat.
This was his son, he thought, understanding dawning for the first time. His child. He was responsible for him being alive.
He tightened his hug, then quickly relaxed, not wanting to accidentally hurt him again. Gabe hung on.
“How you feeling?” he asked.
“Okay,” Gabe said. “Tired.”
They’d been at the aquarium all of an hour, but maybe at four, that was enough.
“Want to go home?” he asked.
Gabe nodded.
Matt waited, but the kid didn’t let go. That was going to make it hard to walk. Then he said, “Want me to carry you?”
Gabe nodded again.
Matt carried him back to the car. Gabe hung on like he was never going to let go. Matt held him close, vowing that no matter what, he would protect this child. Take care of him. Unfamiliar emotions battled for space in his heart, but the one that got his attention the most was burning anger for all that he’d lost.
GABE SLEPT MOST OF the way home. He woke just as Matt pulled up in front of Paula’s house. Matt helped him out of the car seat then watched as Gabe ran to the front door where Paula waited and began talking about his trip. Jesse appeared, hugged him, then walked toward Matt.
She looked tired. His mother had told him that the temporary business was booming with plenty of Internet orders. Jesse was taking the early shift, arriving at work around four and staying at least twelve hours.
“He sounds like he had fun,” she said as she approached.
“He got sick. I gave him too much ice cream and he threw up.”
She winced. “At that age, it’s a pretty developed reflex. Did he get better right away?”
Matt nodded.
“Then he should be fine,” she told him. “Were you freaked? I should have warned you that could happen.”
She was beautiful, he thought. The long blond hair that had haunted him for months after she’d left. Her blue eyes. The shape of her mouth. Every inch of her appealed to him. Everything about her made him want her. Making love with her should have been nothing more than a way to further his plan, yet he’d been sucked in to the
