‘Can I speak to her? How is she? How was it?’
‘She’s fine. She’s asleep in the back. I’ll tell you later. I’ll get her something to eat, don’t worry. We’re just going into a tunnel. I’d better go. ’Bye.’
I hit the red button and grinned at Kelly. ‘That’s going to cost you big-time.’ At last I saw the faintest flicker of a smile in the light from the oncoming cars.
‘Sorry I didn’t want to talk to her,’ she said. ‘But she’d just be telling me to keep my coat on and make sure you feed me properly.’
‘I think you’re being a bit unfair. She might have wanted to discuss something like the humanitarian crisis in Iraq.’
Kelly’s smile broadened and I felt my own spirits lift. ‘Talking of food, how about that McRib?’
It wasn’t long before we were in line at the crowded McDonald’s on the Wandsworth roundabout. It was full of people like us who’d just thrown in their hands at the end of the day instead of going home and cooking. After taking for ever to get to the counter, we couldn’t be arsed waiting even longer for a new batch of McRibs so both opted for the quarter-pounder meal and large fries. Kelly also wanted a milkshake. She went off to grab a table where she’d spotted some people just leaving, and I followed with the tray.
We shovelled fries into our mouths as hyperactive kids piled past us into the play area. Kelly had always been a streak of piss, and had got even skinnier the last few times I’d seen her. I didn’t know where she put it all.
She dipped her burger in extra ketchup and it was soon heading for her mouth, but she suddenly stopped, staring at the bun. ‘Dr Hughes says being honest with yourself is the key to recovery.’
‘Does she? I guess that’s right. It’s probably the key to everything.’
Eyes still downcast, she shifted slightly on the plastic bench. ‘Nick, you want to know some stuff I told her today?’
I nodded, but braced myself. Even if it was part of her therapy, I didn’t want to hear her saying she hated me.
‘Did you ever mess with drugs when you were young?’
I shook my head. ‘Only alcohol. I never fancied the other stuff. Why? You been hitting the wacky-baccy?’
She gave me one of her really exasperated smiles. ‘Pot? Get out of here!’ Her face clouded again. ‘No. Something else. You heard of Vicodin?’
‘Painkiller? Matthew Perry?’
‘I’m impressed. OK, look. No judgements, OK? No sermons?’
I shook my head, if only to release the steam building up in it.
‘And not a word to Granny and Grandpa. Josh, well, I’ll tell him myself, if the time seems right.’
‘Whatever you want.’
She took a slurp of milkshake with her eyes angled up at the TV, as if gathering her thoughts, then she looked back at me with her piercing blue eyes. ‘OK, here’s the thing. At my high school, it’s easier to get Vicodin than children’s Tylenol. Whoever’s got them shares them around.’
‘Where do you get them? Are there dealers at school?’ Adults taking this shit was one thing, dealers getting to kids was another. Those people deserved the heavy end of a sledgehammer. I could feel the skin on my face start to prickle, but I was determined not to let her see it.
‘No, my friend Vronnie, remember? Last fall, her boyfriend had his wisdom teeth out. He was prescribed a lot more Vikes than it turned out he needed, so he gave her the leftovers for her migraines. That’s how it starts.’
She looked around the room. ‘Vicodin numbs you to the pain and soon that numb feeling is something you want again. We all know it’s addictive, because we see it on TV. Melanie Griffith and Matthew Perry had to go into rehab for it. We know Eminem’s got problems. But Vikes do the job, that’s the problem. My friends and I are always stressed about grades and getting into college. We stay up all night doing homework or cramming. Vikes give you a high, release the stress. And before you say anything, Nick, I’m not in with the wrong crowd.’ She gave a hollow laugh. ‘It’s the medication of choice for kids whose moms take Valium to relax.’
She put on a weird face. ‘This is Vronnie’s mom, OK?“Doctor?”’ Her voice rose an octave and her hand flew up to her forehead. ‘“Doctor, I just have to have something for my nerves. My Amex has gone into hyperspace and my ex-husband doesn’t understand me . . .”’ Her voice went deeper. ‘“Sure, Mrs Housewife, I’ve got just the thing. Here’s a hundred good pills.”’ She gave a sigh. ‘See? It’s that easy. Then Vronnie steals the pills from her mom.’
‘Hang on, Kelly, you’re going to have to rewind a bit. When did you start taking them?’
She shrugged. ‘About six months ago. Vronnie and me were talking about stuff, like her parents are divorced and her dad drinks way too much, and it’s been horrible for her. I told her about Mom and Dad and Aida, and then about you and Josh, and she was like, “Whoa!” At least she still lives in the same house and her dad’s still alive. Just.’
I took a deep breath. ‘What did you say about me?’
Another shrug. ‘You know, looking after me, sending me to Josh because you were busy. Palming me off because of work. That kinda thing.’
‘You know me and Josh thought it was the best thing for you . . .’
She cocked her head. ‘Stability, right? That really worked. Why was it so long before you came and saw me?’
‘We have weekends and stuff. It was just that Josh and I felt you needed to settle down, and me just appearing out of the blue every so often would go and mess that up.’
Her eyes narrowed. ‘Vronnie’s parents fight all the time, but at least her dad hasn’t totally abandoned her. He turns up every weekend and takes her out. He’s never missed a weekend – and he’s a drunk.’
She concentrated on dipping a fry into the little ketchup pot. I started to speak to the top of her head as the rest of the quarter-pounder was shoved into the front of it. ‘You know my work keeps me away a lot. I was doing the best I could.’
She took her lips away from the burger but didn’t look up. ‘But, hey, that’s history now, isn’t it? I’m here, you’re here, and we’re going to go and get things sorted out, right?’
‘That’s right.’
She looked up and wiped the grease from her mouth with the napkin. ‘So your next question is going to be, why did I try them in the first place?’
I had to agree.
‘OK, well, Vronnie and I were discussing drugs that time, I asked her for the list of what she’d done and she gave me the usual – alcohol, pot, ecstasy, all that stuff. And then she said she took Vicodin to stay chilled. One of her friends told her that she could crush it up and snort it. I asked her what it was like, and she said, “Hey, why don’t we try it? Let’s go to the restroom.”
‘Vronnie had a film-canister thing and a little flip-out mirror, and she started to do two lines. She crushes the pills at home and keeps them in the film canister.’ Kelly flipped the top of her straw. ‘She even had one of these in her bag. Anyway, she took a line and handed the straw to me.’
It was clear from the way Kelly was babbling that she liked talking about this. It worried me, but I still wasn’t going to show it. ‘What did it feel like?’
‘There was, like, this real stinging in my nose and throat and it really hurt, but only for a few seconds. Then it kicked in and my head felt like it was floating. It felt like a balloon, floating right away from all the bad stuff around me. I was happy and it felt amazing, even in my fingers and toes. Then all the colours got brighter and sounds were, like, deeper. And that’s how we went off to class, chilled.’ She giggled. ‘Hillbilly heroin, that’s what they call it. It’s not like I’m addicted or anything, but that’s what Dr Hughes and I were talking about today.’
She stood up, felt around in her coat pocket and headed for the toilets, as if to give me time to consider my answer.
She was away for ten minutes, and by the time she came out I was waiting by the door. We got back into the car and headed for Bromley, with the strong smell of toothpaste and mouthwash in the air.
13
London
