The Crozier Pharaohs

‘No. I thought somebody called me.’

‘I called you,’ said Goodfellow, returning to his chair. ‘I have a complaint to make in front of a witness. Why am I restricted to a cushioned chaise when I expected to lie in luxury on a couch? But first tell me something else. Behold! I am Ozymandias, king of kings. Why did you wrest my sceptre from me?’

‘Ozymandias may have had a sceptre,’ said Laura, ‘but it is just as likely that his symbols of royalty were a crook and a flail. None of the three would be allowed in the consulting-room, neither are walking-sticks, umbrellas, a conductor’s baton or a Boy Scout’s staff. I could add to the list, but no doubt you get the drift.’ At a nod from Dame Beatrice, she seated herself between her employer and the patient and flipped open her notebook. Goodfellow looked sadly at Dame Beatrice.

‘But, save his good broadsword, he weapons had none,’ he said plaintively.

‘But you don’t need weapons here,’ said Dame Beatrice. ‘There is nothing to be afraid of — except your own sins.’

‘I am not afraid with any amazement. The angels are always talking to me about sins. What do you think?’

‘He that one sin in conscience keeps

When he to quiet goes —’’

‘But I haven’t got twenty mortal foes. You need twenty mortal foes to sleep among. It says so. ’

‘Poetic exaggeration.’

‘I don’t think I’ll stay any longer. I wish you well.’ He rose from his chair.

‘Give our love to the angels, ’ murmured Laura, going to the bell to notify the maid that the visitor was leaving. She accompanied him into the hall, took his hat from Polly, resurrected his heavy walking-stick and escorted him to the front door. She watched him get into the car. The last she heard was his voice raised in song, inspired, no doubt, by the driver’s surname. ‘ “So we’ll rant and we’ll roar, like true British sailors. We’ll rant and we’ll roar all on the high seas.” ’

The woman in the driver’s seat waved to Laura. Laura waved back, closed the door and returned to Dame Beatrice.

‘Funny sort of cuss,’ she said. ‘I’m sorry the Rants have got themselves mixed up with him.’

‘Let us hope it is but a passing phase. If he is staying at a hotel, doubtless he is only a bird of passage. Now, it will take that car almost an hour to get back to Abbots Crozier. Get Morpeth on the telephone. Find out what she knows about our caller.’

‘Caller? Yes, he hardly turned out to be a patient, did he? I wonder what his object was in coming here and talking all that rot?’

‘You do not think that the rather inexperienced sisters sent him to us simply because they thought he was in need of my help?’

‘Could be just that, I suppose, but I think there is more to it than that. I think this Goodfellow has scared them pretty badly and that they are asking help for themselves rather than for him.’

‘An interesting conjecture. Well, find out what Morpeth has to say.’

Morpeth was contrite and apologised several times during the telephone conversation.

‘I told Bryony we ought to have asked you before we sent you this rather awful man. He seems quite strange in the head. Bryony disagreed because she said she thought that, if we told you how crazy he is, you wouldn’t want to have anything to do with him. We’ve had an awfully trying time the last few weeks. First there was Susan — you know, the woman who wished herself on us last year as unpaid kennel-maid. She asked for the job and we took her on, but now she keeps wanting us to get rid of poor Sekhmet.’

‘That Labrador you told us about?’

‘Yes, the poor, harmless, friendly creature. We wouldn’t dream of getting rid of her, but Susan won’t give up arguing.’

‘Sack her if she’s a nuisance. After all, it’s your dog, not hers.’

‘She says that, when Sekhmet comes into season, there is always the chance of a mesalliance with one of the Pharaohs, but I don’t see how that would matter. We would have to sell the puppies cheap or even give them away to good homes, that’s all, but Susan says an accidental mating could contaminate the Pharaoh stock. I can’t see how. It might be different if Isis or Nephthys had a litter by a male Labrador, but there’s no chance of that. We’re much too careful. What do you think?’

‘I haven’t a clue, except that I wouldn’t allow Susan to rule the roost.’

‘She isn’t our only trouble. We think we’ve got a prowler.’

‘That isn’t a pleasant thought. What about going to the police?’

‘I don’t think we’ve enough to go on.’

‘I don’t know so much. Those hounds of yours must be pretty valuable. You don’t want somebody poaching one of them and going off with it.’

‘I don’t think there’s much chance of that. We think it’s us he’s spying on and that, when he gets the opportunity, he will do us some harm.’

‘What makes you think so?’

‘He comes and taps on windows and then runs away. We’ve never seen him face to face, only as a shadow in the garden.’