mackintosh and was removing her shoes. Her hair, which had been un covered, was plastered to her head and curled in wet arabesques down her neck.
She said, “I’m sorry to come in this way and I wouldn’t have done so if I’d known how much mud I would bring in with me. I didn’t like to ring the bell because of Bruno. Would you mind getting me a towel?”
Danby went to the kitchen and returned with a towel. She began to dry her face and hair. Danby stood by the window, leaning on the chest of drawers, staring with his mouth open. An extreme pain, passing up the centre of his body like a white-hot rod, kept him clenched and rigid.
”I’m sorry to arrive unannounced,” said Lisa. She had rubbed her hair into a mass of rather frizzy small ringlets which she was now trying to smooth down. “Could I borrow your comb?”
Danby, moving gingerly because of the pain, handed her the comb, leaning stiffly. His teeth had begun to chatter and he closed his mouth grinding his teeth together.
Lisa was combing her hair. It was difficult. “What a stormy night,” she said. “Oh God!” said Danby. “Oh Christ!”
”Do sit down, Danby. Sit on that chair by the window, would you? How is Bruno?”
Danby sat down, still stiffly. The pain made him groan. He put his hands to his face and groaned again. He said in a low stumbling voice, “Why are you here?”
”I said how is Bruno?”
”All right. No, dying. But quiet, okay. Why are you here?”
”I will explain,” said Lisa. “And I must begin with an apology. It might have been better to write to you. But I have been a long time in a great deal of doubt and when things at last became clear I found that I wanted to see you at once and to, as I say, explain.” She spoke rather coldly, staring at him and still combing her hair.
”You don’t know what you’ve done,” said Danby.
”Not yet. But a little time will show.”
”I mean, coming to see me like this. It makes it all a thou sand times worse. There’s nothing to explain. I wasn’t complaining. I wasn’t even looking for you. And there’s absolutely nothing you can do. I’ve just got to suffer it. Oh God, I wish you hadn’t come!”
”I’m afraid you’ll have to undergo the explanation,” she said. “It is necessary-for me.”
”There isn’t any explanation!” said Danby. “I just love you like a crazy fool. Anybody can love anybody. The worthless can love the good. A cat can look at a king, queen, princess, angel. I’ve just got to grit my teeth and sit it out. I don’t want your sympathy or your bloody explanations!”
Lisa was looking at him with a frowning faintly curious look, her mouth pouting as if with a slight disgust. Her face was a glowing pink after her exertions with the towel. Her hair, which she had finished combing and smoothing back, curled damply down her neck, blackened by the rain. She pulled up one wet stockinged foot and tucked it under her, arranging the pillows behind her back against the wall. When she had made herself comfortable she said, “Now I want you to listen.”
”I’m inclined to tell you to go,” said Danby. He felt something curiously like anger.
”No. You would find yourself incapable of that, I think.”
She’s right, he thought. Oh God, oh God, why do I have to endure this?
”I am going to talk, and I may ask you some questions,” said Lisa. “I want to start with a question. When you came that night to Kempsford Gardens Miles told you I was in love with somebody. Do you know who that person is?”
”The person you’re in love with? No.”
”It’s Miles.”
Danby looked at the floor. He leaned slowly forward with his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. He thought, I simply mustn’t start crying. If I started I wouldn’t be able to stop. Miles.
”I’m sorry,” said Lisa. “I know this hurts you but it’s necessary. I have been and am in love with Miles. I fell in love with him when I first met him, on the day of his marriage with Diana. I loved him all through those years and I imagined that I would never let him know it.”
Danby was silent, pressing his hands into his eyes.
”Quite recently however he found out, or rather I told him. I ought not to have done so, but it was very difficult not to, psychologically difficult I mean, because by then he had fallen in love with me.”
Danby was silent.
”I don’t know how long he has loved me,” Lisa went on in the same cool precise even voice. “He imagines that it has been a long time. But my own guess is that he only really fell in love quite lately.”
Danby lifted his head. There were tears and he did not try to conceal them. “God blast you, why are you torturing me with this damned love story?”
”It is necessary to make this quite clear. I love Miles and he loves me.”
”Oh get out, will you,” said Danby.
”However,” said Lisa, paying no attention to the interruption, “the fact remained that Miles was married to Diana.”
”This is a nightmare,” said Danby. “What’s the point of all this? Oh Lisa, Lisa, you are thoughtless and cruel, or else you don’t realize what kind of state I’m in. If only I hadn’t seen you again, talked to you again. It would have stopped hurting so much sooner. And now you come here and talk about Miles, about Miles of all people. You must be insane to hurt somebody like this.”
”I am sorry,” she said. “But you will see that it has been necessary.”
”What’s necessary about it? If you want to see how much power you’ve got well you’re seeing it. If you want to see a man reduced to-“
”Stop it, please, and listen-“
”I’d managed to find some sort of peace with Bruno here. Well, not peace, but it’s been real. I was starting to realize that you were-just something impossible. And now you’ve spoilt it all. You just can’t know what you’ve done, coming here, coming into my room-“
”Naturally, you were beginning to recover-“
”I wasn’t beginning to recover! I’ll never recover! Oh damn you, damn you, damn you!”
”Don’t shout so. Will you listen to what I’ve got to tell you? I need your help.”
”I’m to help you get hold of Miles I suppose! Oh Christ, Lisa, you don’t mean that-You can’t mean-“ Danby sat upright, glaring at her, his face puckered up with pain.
”What are you supposing?”
”When I first saw you, Lisa, I was, oh God, I was holding Diana in my arms. What hope have I ever had of convincing you that I love you, that it’s serious, different, terrible? You think I’m just a man who chases women. You think I’m really-just as interested in Diana. You want me to occupy Diana, to take her away, so that you and Miles-You absolute fiend!” Danby stood up. He raised his hands, half desperate, half threatening.
”Sit down and stop shouting at me.”
”That’s devil’s work. You’re driving me straight into madness. Do you want me to kill you?”
”You’re being very stupid. Don’t dare to touch me!”
”Touch you-I’d like to strangle you!” Danby moaned and turned about and leaned against the chest of drawers, covering his face. “Oh Lisa, Lisa, Lisa-“
”I want you to listen and I want you to
Danby moaned again.
”Miles and I knew at once that there was no future for us together. What sort of people do you think we are?”
”People in love,” he said. “Romantic love is not an absolute.”
”People who are in love think so.”
”It’s an overprized condition. Besides one recovers. Even you began to recover!”
”I didn’t. Nor did you. You say you’ve loved Miles for years.”
”Absence cures.”
”Anyhow, you and Miles will find a way. You’re both so damn clever.”
