City of Saints and Madmen

Plate, S. N., Eight Arms to Choke By: The Suicide of a Squidler (poems), Tarzia Publications.

Pond, Samuel, The Hoegbotton Guide to Florimania, Hoegbotton & Sons Press.

Povel, Bernard and Sighly, Enoch, Vice Squidologist Enoch Sighly’s and Doctor Bernard Povel’s Journey Up the River Moth by Way of Native Canoe and Indigenous Ingenuity, Culminating in a Boat Wreck, a Near Escape, and Some Unfortunate Negotiations with the Aforementioned Natives, Society of Scientists Abroad in Morrow Press.

Pulling, Leonard, “An Account of the Squidlings’ First Hours by the Banks of the River Moth,”

Ambergris Journal of Speculative Zoology, Fungoid Press.

Quiddity, Teresa, Sucker Punches, Feeble Bleatings Press.

Quiddity, Teresa, The Case to be Made for Hellatose Authorshipof Various and Sundry Theatrical Performances, Front Row Publications.

(Leave it to Quiddity to spend nearly 300 pages digging around in the archives of various Ambergris theaters only to conclude that “the evidence for Hellatose authorship of any dramatic production, other than those sponsored by the carnivals and circuses he was associated with, is circumstantial at best.”) Quork, Corvid, The Hoegbotton Guide to Ornithomania, Hoegbotton & Sons Press.

Rariety, Maurice, The Ambergris of James Kinkel Lightner: His Species and Types, Collecting Localities, Bibliography, and Selected Reprinted Works by Guyerdram, Historic Archive Publications.

(The first of an accursed breed, the “gentleman squidologist,” Lightner hired others to observe the squid in its natural habitat — while he frequented bankers’ clubs and other dens of equity. In smoke-filled back rooms, Lightner would then recount, as if he had experienced them first-hand, exploits and dangers related to him by his underlings. Guyerdram, Lightner’s chief expert, snapped one night and murdered Lightner in mid-sentence, using nothing more complicated than a Nicean Mud Squid wound around the old man’s neck. Unfortunately, the perception that Lightner was a great scientist has not died as easily as the man himself.)

Redfern, Kathryn, The Odd Account of Malfour Blissbane and His Squid of Fear, Frankwrithe & Lewden.

(Sensationalist stories for young adults and impressionable adults.) Redfern, Kathryn, The Strange Tale of Ronald Battlebuss and His Seven Squid of Doom, Frankwrithe & Lewden.

Redfern, Kathryn, The Stranger Tale of Bartley Gangrene and His Three Squid of Destiny, Frankwrithe & Lewden.

Riddle, William, The Hoegbotton Guide to Hamartomania, Hoegbotton & Sons Press.

Riddle, William, The Clash of Science and Religion: Personal Explorations, Squid Mill Library Press.

(One day, my father entered his workshop to find that my mother had cut off the fruiting bodies of the King Fungus central to his research. It had taken 17 years of trial-and-error to grow them in the artificial environs of his laboratory. Mother had methodically snipped them with a small scythe, placed them in his wastepaper basket, and put them to the match. All that remained was a little ash and a stringent smell. I would imagine he stared into that circle of smolder and smoke until his eyes watered. Then he got up and went into the library.)

Roberts, M.A., The Big Book of Squid, Chimeric Press.

(Marred in its otherwise splendid authenticity by illustrations showing the mature Morrowean Mud Squid with two tentacles.)

Roberts, M.A., The Captain’s Advanced Freshwater Squid Telemetry, Tales of the Sea Press.

Roberts, M.A., The Odd Case of Hellatose & Bauble (chapbook), Chimeric Press.

Rogers, Vivian Price, Laying Low with the Torture Squid, Small Books/Big Dreams Incorporated.

(The Torture Squid will always remain my favorite fictional creations. The books take as their premise that five jackanapes, steeped in the ways of petty thuggery, are transformed by the gray caps, through the medium of squidanthropy, into King Squid. As squid, the five of them — renamed Squidy Johnson, Squidy Macken, Squidy Slakes, Squidy Taintmoor, and Squidy Barck (the leader) — have lost none of their criminal ways. They take up their old prowling grounds in the decrepit Bureaucratic Quarter and wreak havoc on its citizenry. In this installment, Squidy Taintmoor suggests that the Torture Squid lay low for awhile, since the Cappan’s men are after them. By the end of this blackly humorous story, “laying low” has resulted in burglary, arson, armed robbery, and many other offenses against the law.) Rogers, Vivian Price, The Return of the Torture Squid, Small Books/Big Dreams Incorporated.

(Squidy Barck and his mates decide to visit their mums, with disastrous results. Stepfathers take a beating, as does most of the criminal code.)

Rogers, Vivian Price, The Torture Squid and the Magnetic Rowboat, Small Books/Big Dreams Incorporated.

(Squidy Macken finds a magnetic rowboat, possibly left behind by the gray caps, and the Torture Squid have fun propping it up near major thoroughfares and cackling as motored vehicles driving past suddenly find themselves stuck to it — windshield glass flying in all directions — and soon on the receiving end of demands from the knife- wielding Squidy Barck, Squidy Johnson, and Squid Slakes. At the end, they hijack one motored vehicle and smash it into a tree, laughing through their bruises.) Rogers, Vivian Price, The Torture Squid Beat Up Some Priests, Small Books/Big Dreams Incorporated.

(Squidy Slakes remembers how the priests who brought him up in the orphanage used to do mean and nasty things to him. Squidy Johnson suggests getting some revenge and Squidy Barck seconds the motion. The Torture Squid cruise the Religious District, punching out mendicants and stealing donations from collection boxes. In the stunning conclusion, they smash the stained glass of the Truffidian Cathedral and beat a confession of sodomy out of the Antechamber himself before Squidy Slakes breaks down and begins to cry — but, no: he’s not crying, he’s snickering. Squidy Slakes has been having everyone on — he wasn’t an orphan and a priest never raised him. The Torture Squid all share a good laugh.) Rogers, Vivian Price, The Torture Squid Get Drunk in TrillianSquare, Small Books/Big Dreams Incorporated.

(One day, Squidy Barck wakes up in the Torture Squid’swest Albumuth Boulevard hovel and finds that Squidy Johnson is missing! Have the Cappan’s men found him and arrested him? Squidy Barck and the rest of the remaining Torture Squid spread out and cover the adjoining streets. No Squidy Johnson.

Where could he be? As the Torture Squid search ever more desperately for their companion, they inevitably become thirsty. Many a pub receives their gruff demands for alcohol, until finally, after a number of adventures — one involving a squid club — the Torture Squid converge onTrillian Square, as pre-arranged. Who should they find there but Squidy Johnson, curled up on a bench, nursing a massive hangover from having snuck out for a “quick pint” the night before. The Torture Squid assuage their irritation by kicking Squidy Johnson into unconsciousness.)

Rogers, Vivian Price, The Torture Squid Pillage the Towers of the Kalif, Small Books/Big Dreams Incorporated.

(In this slightly less successful book,Rogers takes the Torture Squid out of the familiar environs of Ambergris and sets them on a quest to plunder the Kalif’s treasure. By the time they reach the gates of the Kalif’s capital city, they are so drunk on cheap wine that they are mistaken for merry-making pilgrims and allowed into the city. Once there, they proceed to pinch the bottoms of women, steal fruit from grocery stands, rob wealthy merchants, and generally make a nuisance of themselves. Eventually, the Kalif’s soldiers arrest them, sober them up by torturing them in the dungeons, and then release them, naked, into the wastelands beyond the city’s walls. Less clothed, but a bit wiser, the Torture Squid sadly wander home. As Squidy Johnson remarks, “Foreign conquest is not as exciting as I thought it would be.”)

Rogers, Vivian Price, The Torture Squid Take on the New Art, Small Books/Big Dreams Incorporated.

(Squidy Macken points out, one fine morning as the Torture Squid sit imbibing refreshments at the Cafe of the Ruby-Throated Calf, that, as a group, they are under-educated. True, Squidy Barck once spent a semester at