Shards of Us

the hall, blood pouring out of a gunshot wound in her leg. Time seems to slow as my gaze settles on the face.

It's Ash.

The bleeding girl is Ash.

A scream escapes me, and I thrash and try to run toward her but Sebastian holds me back, his grip like iron. My headache grows and I feel sick, so sick, and then everything but the shallow beating of my heart seems to fade away.

Distantly, I hear Sebastian yell, 'Protect her, angel. Men are after us. Bad men. I don't have the resources to bring your friend with us.' Out of nowhere, I'm struck by how full of genuine care his voice sounds, but the thought is gone as quickly as it comes.

Shouts fill the air as several armed men race upstairs, clicking of their safeties. Everything blurs. This whole thing is like a nightmare, and I don't know what to do but stand and shake and stare at Ash while Sebastian moves to the end of the hallway, his gun locked and loaded. 'One of the men shot her,' I hear him say. 'I killed him but she's really banged up. Save her, angel. If these men get her they will give her something worse than death.'

My head spins, and my stomach is so queasy and my muscles so rigid that none of this even feels real anymore. I try to focus on holding up the gun, but I can't even think straight anymore. I feel my mind fading in and out, like my eyes are a camera zooming and unzooming back and forth and back and forth. I just watch Sebastian, watch as he flattens himself against the hall and points his gun at the stairwell, takes a shot at the oncoming me, then steps back and stares at me urgently. His eyes burn into mine for one, single second that feels like an eternity. They are so full of something, something deep and dark and hurt, and it looks like he wants to say a million things to me, but nothing comes out.

Sebastian doesn't say a word. He just stares at me so intensely I swear it bores a hole into my skin, but his lips don't move. It's like his eyes are apologizing, like he's telling me he already regrets whatever is about to happen, and the thought makes my stomach twist.

Then, just like that, he grunts and looks away. I gasp for air immediately, because his gaze was so intense I realize I forgot to breathe.

Sebastian steps out from the cover of the hallway and takes several shots down at the men coming up the stairs, whoever they are. I hear another scream, then the thud of someone falling.

Desperately, I clutch the gun in my hand and stare back down at Ash, my hands shaking wildly. Ash's eyes are wild and crazed, and she lies there, so limply, the blood rushing out of her body. I see her long blonde hair, the mascara running down her eyes, and the crimson staining her pale skin. I see the fear in her eyes, the way she feels life slipping away from her, and the pain of the thought is almost unbearable.

I crouch down beside her as Sebastian continues to shoot at the oncoming men, tears pouring down my face. I look at my gun, which I'm holding at the space by the top of the stairs. The safety is off. I know enough about guns to tell. I know how to shoot them too. When I was considering suicide, I taught myself all about them, how they work, but guns always felt too messy. Felt wrong. And they still do.

'It's going to be okay,' I whisper to her, but my body is shaking so hard that my voice cracks, and I don't believe my own words for a second.

I don't understand what's going on.

I don't understand why Sebastian is shooting people right before my eyes.

And I don't understand why these men want to kill us.

My hand is shaking like mad as I hold the trigger. I hear more people running up the stairs, the barking of orders and sounds of guns being loaded. I know I don't have much time. I know they're almost here.

'They're coming, angel!' Sebastian roars back at me, and his bloodshot eyes meet mine for a single instant. Fear pulses through me as more gunshots go off, and he screams, 'We have to go!'

I don’t move, though. My body is shaking so hard and I just keep staring at Ash. Everything starts to fade out, and I'm absolutely paralyzed, unable to move.

'RUN!' he screams again, taking one last shot at the oncoming men.

But I can't. I can't move. My feet are absolutely rooted in the spot. I clench the gun so hard I swear I'm going to break my hands, and so many tears rush down my face at once that my whole cheek stings. My vision blurs, but distantly I see Sebastian running over to me, screaming something I can't make out, and I feel myself reaching out to Ash, trying to grab her arm and hold tight to her, but my hand misses.

Before I know what's happening, Sebastian is behind me, putting something dark over my head and shoving a needle into the back of my neck.

'I won't let them have you,' I swear I hear him whisper, but my ears are ringing so hard now that I can't be too sure.

Everything is dizzy as I slump back into his arms, feeling sick and bleak and empty. Distantly, I feel his arms wrapping around me, his grunts as he drags me somewhere far away. The last thing I remember is the sound of the Beethoven music I put on in room 364, drifting out into the hallway.

And then all I see is blackness. 

Chapter Four

I drift in and out of consciousness for hours after that. Or days. Or maybe even weeks. I don't know how long. All I remember is waking up face down in a seat of some sort a while after Sebastian knocked me unconscious. It felt like there was something moving beneath me, as if I were a car, but I can't be too sure. I could see nothing but blurry sunlight for a few seconds that felt like an eternity, and then I was gone, back in a memory.

I'm twenty years old again, running down my old street in the pouring rain. I'd been at a friend's house all day, but her mom told me something had happened, that I needed to go home now, and I refused to let her drive me because I knew whatever it was, it was bad. And before I realized what I was doing, I'd started running.

I run and run, already crying and choking and gasping for air, already wanting to crumple and let everything else leave me, already knowing something is terribly, terribly wrong.

I can hear the sirens wailing through our once silent neighborhood, the buzz of energy and fear and sadness in the air. It's the dead of night, but everyone is standing outside of their houses, hugging and looking at the house the cars are crowding. My heart sinks.

They're staring at my house. The house I'd been staying in ever since I failed out college.

Ten cop cars surround my front yard, and policemen fill the area, bringing evidence and equipment in and out of the house, talking into their radios and putting up yellow tape all around my home.

I keep running. I don't even hesitate. Tears burn my eyes and my heart pounds furiously, but I try to hide it, try to stay hopeful, even though a deep, crushing part of me knows it's really over.

'Ma'am, this is a crime scene,' a pudgy cop says when I duck under the yellow tape, forcing my way over to my house. 'You can't--'

But I'm already pushing past him, muttering, 'I live here' in between my fits of trembles, and then I hustle inside the house, pushing past a few cops, and look around desperately.

The house is a mess. Furniture is upturned everywhere--couches, chairs, tables. Shattered glass is spilled across the floor, and torn-up pictures of me and my parents laughing and smiling several years ago litter the ground like they're nothing. And then I notice the drop of crimson on the hardwood floor in front of me, and I look up. I let out a scream as soon as see my parents, on the ground, shot and killed beside the sofa, their hands locked.

Together.

Even in death.

I gasp and cry, and my body feels frozen and numb and hurt and I can barely process what I'm seeing, what this means. Sobs rack through me and I turn away, shaking all over. A detective grabs me and steers