“I think I can do that, Melanie. But just what did you have in mind?” He arches an eyebrow at me on his last words.
I drop the sheet from around my breasts and straddle his hips. “A little of this,” I say as I wiggle on top of him. On another wiggle, I add “And a little of that.”
His fingers dig into the soft flesh of my waist as he nudges his hips up into mine. “I think I like your plan,” he mutters lustily. I lean down onto his body and mumble against his lips, “Oh, no. You’re going to
We spend the rest of the day
Sprawling out in my bed, Bryan is wearing only his boxers and I’ve opted to cover up with an extra-long T- shirt and panties. Cuddled at his side, I let my fingers trace random patterns across his chest.
“So where does this leave us?” Damn me and my stupid need for definition.
Bryan clears his throat as he tucks his hand behind his head. “I don’t know, Melanie. I don’t know.”
“Yeah, me either.” And that’s the honest truth. Sure, the last day has been great and we’ve talked a lot – among other things – but, there’s still so much to figure out. “How about we just take it slowly, one day at a time? We’ll see how things go, day-by-day. Sound good?” My suggestion actually doesn’t seem half bad.
Kissing the top of my head, Bryan nods his agreement. “It’s perfect, Melanie.”
“It might be a little cold tomorrow, but we could start back at the beginning.” I point to Emmie’s picture of Happy Times Waterfall that hangs on the wall above my computer.
“Just be sure to wear your sneakers.” I poke him in the side and stick my tongue out at him. He just pulls me closer to his side and inhales the sweet citrus scent of my hair. “Cold or not, I can’t think of a better way to spend the day. As long as I’m with you, it’ll be perfect.”
I roll my eyes. “Will you stop saying that?”
“What?” He looks down at me, clearly confused by my words.
“Perfect. Things are never going to be perfect. It’s impossible.” I pull him closer to me and kiss his lips tenderly. “We’re not perfect, neither one of us. And we never will be, but we can be imperfect together.”
His lips dance across mine and happiness shimmers in his warm, brown eyes. “Then here’s to one imperfect day after another.”
18
December 2013
It’s lame to say, but very true – Bryan and I have spent the last month together basking in the glow of our not-so-perfect love. We’ve fought and made up and then fought again, but through it all we’ve learned to be honest – both with ourselves and with each other. When we first got back together, there were a few times that I thought we wouldn’t make it. Like when he gets stressed out and angry about home. Or when I feel like I don’t deserve his love and affection after all I put us through. That’s usually when he reminds me that it wasn’t entirely my fault.
As mended as we may both be, there’s obviously still a lot of healing that needs to happen. I’m not disillusioned enough to think it’d all be rainbows and glitter, so at least I was a little prepared for the struggles. I wasn’t as prepared for just how amazing the good times would be, though.
Just this past weekend we volunteered at the local Special Olympics and it was, by far, the most rewarding experience of my life. We were paired with Joey, a twenty-year-old with Downs Syndrome. When he won his first of three medals, he actually cried. Which of course made me cry and even though Bryan will still deny it, I know that I saw a tear or two fill his eyes.
The last event for the day was an indoor group soccer game. It wasn’t at the level at which Bryan was used to playing, but he was in his glory. It was clear that he missed the game, but based on the way he was running with the other players and coaching them along the way, he missed his sister even more. I think it was a defining day for us, not just as a couple, but as individuals as well. Bryan has always been a helper – be it for Professor O’Neil, Bella, Emmie or even his mom, Bryan has always had a kind heart and a caring soul. I think he got a piece of that back as he ran his final lap around the soccer field with Joey.
I know I got a piece of myself back that day too. For so long I thought I didn’t deserve to be loved, that the people who did love me only did so out of obligation. But after reading the letters from my dad, and seeing my mom find love again, I know that I am surrounded by loads of unconditional love. That’s why I love working with kids with special needs. At the end of the day, when Joey, Bryan and I walked off the field, he asked us if we would be back next year. Without missing a beat, at the same time, Bryan and I said, “We wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
That day was proof positive of how much we’ve changed, but it was also a testament to how closely we’ve grown together.
So here we are, one year away from the week that forced us apart and the same nervousness about our distance is seeping into my soul all over again. We’re at Bella’s on our last date before we have to spend the holiday break apart again. Bryan can feel my leg shaking under the table. “What’s wrong, babe?” His hand stretches out across the table and I willingly place mine into it.
“Forget it. It’s silly.” I swat my other hand in front of me and reach for my water.
Squeezing my hand tightly, he locks me in his persistent stare. “Stop it. Something is bothering you. What is it? Please tell me.”
Remembering out promise to be honest with each other, I take a deep breath and divulge my foolish concerns. “I’m just nervous about being away from you.”
Bryan releases my hand and starts lightly tickling my forearm. Leaning in closer to me, I close my eyes and enjoy the feel of his fingertips on my skin. Just like that, I’m calmed. His touch has that kind of power over me. “Okay, now that you’re relaxed, listen to me.” I nod and stifle my rising emotions.
“I don’t want to be away from you either. I kind of like waking up with you, but I have to go home. It’s Mom’s first Christmas alone and she’s been doing well, going to AA meetings and all that, but I just … I need to be there with her and Emmie.” He pulls my hand up to his lips and sweetly kisses my knuckles.
“I know, baby. I understand, but it doesn’t mean I’ll miss you any less.” His thumb gently stroking over my knuckles calms me a bit more. I take a deep breath and throw out my last Hail Mary. “Are you sure you won’t be able to make it to the wedding next week?”
“You know I want to be there. We’ve talked about this. It’s just too close to Christmas. I can’t …”
“I know, Bryan. I just thought I would ask one more time. Let’s drop it and enjoy our last night together.”
An impish grin spreads across his face. “We definitely will.”
After dinner, we settle the bill and Bella hugs us as we walk out into the blustery air. We hurry across the street back to my empty apartment. Cammie flew out to Chicago this morning to spend the week with Jack. They’ll both fly into Elmira for Maddy and Reid’s wedding next week. I’ve honestly never seen Cammie happier than when she knew she would be with Jack again. Lia is out with her current boy-toy, at least that’s what I’m assuming. She never does bring them around here. Peyton is actually staying in Ithaca through the break. She got a job at the local bookstore and coffee shop combo to make some more money on top of the meager salary she earns at the tutoring center. That’s where she is tonight, so we have the place to ourselves.
Barging through the door, I’m shaking from the frigid winter air. After brushing off the few snowflakes that landed on my shoulders, I take off my coat and hand it to Bryan. He hangs both of our coats up on the rack near the front door and reaches out for my hand. “Come with me.”
Dumfounded, I stare at him. “Where else would I go?” I waggle an eyebrow at him, but he just tugs me down the hallway to my room. The sight before me stops me in my tracks and forces my words to get stuck in my
