long. So agonizingly long. I wanted to devour him, to pull him into me, to sink into him. To be one with him again. He finally lifted me to him and I wrapped my legs around his waist. My back arched and I moaned as he slid inside me.
And he growled, a deep, guttural resonance.
If I hadn’t heard it before, the baritone sound might have been funny. But I knew that sound, from long ago. My heart raced faster as I looked into his flaming eyes. I tried not to panic.
“I love you, Tristan,” I whispered.
The flames died down as he held me still against him, one hand between my shoulder blades and his other at the small of my back. His breathing slowed a bit. He focused on me, only sparks left in his eyes.
“Mmm…I love you, too, ma lykita.”
We were cautious and reckless at the same time. Slow at first, like swimmers testing the water, making sure no danger lurked below. Then quickly giving in to our urgent hunger. Our physical needs were so great, our bodies so desperate, the motions became fast and fervent and frenzied. And the whole thing was over in an instant with an explosive force that racked our bodies and made us both cry out. We crumpled to the floor of the shower, holding each other and panting. Our hearts pounded like bass drums, not realizing we’d already reached the crescendo.
“That was…necessary,” Tristan muttered and we burst into giddy laughter.
Chapter 9
When I came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, I found a pile of sheets on the floor and Tristan, a towel around his waist, sitting on the freshly made bed. I had to pinch my arm…just to be sure. As he rummaged through his old bag, I picked up the sheets and took them to the washer, knowing the sooner I soaked them in cold water, the more likely the blood from my injuries would wash out. I didn’t get my hopes up, though. I probably should have washed clothes first, but I thought we might need clean sheets before I needed clothes. I would get my hopes up about that.
I came back to the room and recognized my lavender stationery in Tristan’s hand, his head bent over as he read the letters I’d written to him over the years. His hair hung in curtains, hiding his face. Sadness swept over me again. The letters, one for each of our wedding anniversaries, provided glimpses into my and Dorian’s lives each year. They also begged for his return, full of raw emotion. Tucking them into his bag had been my way of delivering them, though I never really expected him to actually read them. I wasn’t sure now I wanted him to know how wretched I’d been.
I crawled across the bed and knelt behind him, rubbing his shoulders as he read the last one. He didn’t say anything at first. I draped my arms around him and lay my head against his shoulder. When he finally spoke, his voice came thick and heavy.
“You know, it felt like a long time only because I couldn’t be with you. But seven years really isn’t that long to me—feels like a year to most people. But for you…” He trailed off.
“It was painfully long,” I finished quietly.
“And our son…I missed so much,” he whispered. “I should have been there for him.”
I moved around to sit in his lap and wrapped my arms around him. I didn’t even know what to say, so I just held him. I felt his tears on my shoulder.
“I don’t know if it’ll make you feel any better, but I really don’t remember much until I was five or so,” I finally said. “You’ll be there from now on and you’re just in time for the good part. You missed the middle-of-the- night feedings, diapers and potty training. Now he’s really becoming a little person.”
“I would have loved every minute,” he said quietly and I knew he would have. “The first chance I had to get to a computer, I did a search on you. I saw how the media tore you up over your so-called teen pregnancy. I almost went on a murderous rampage.”
I shrugged. “I knew the truth. The people most important to me knew the truth. Including Dorian.”
“Tell me about him.”
I smiled automatically, my heart warming. “Well…he looks just like you, but he has quite an attitude, like me. Well, you, too. I think he got the worst of us both—but in a good way. He won’t take crap from anyone. He’s unusually fast and strong for his age and size and he never gets sick or hurt, even with all the fights he’s been in. Mom says it’s to be expected, with who his parents are. Otherwise, he shows no signs of abilities or powers…but every once in a while he gets this look on his face as if he knows something the rest of us don’t.”
I jabbered non-stop about Dorian and Tristan’s face lit up like the sun. He asked me all kinds of questions and laughed at the stories I shared. A bittersweet conversation for us both.
“I can’t wait for you to get to know him. And he’ll be so excited to finally meet you!” I sighed as I realized how much I missed him.
And then there was the bad news. He already knew, but I had to say the words, we had to discuss the subject. I hung my head in shame and the words came out as barely more than a whisper. “As you can see, we don’t have a daughter.”
He pulled me against him and grief filled his voice, too. “I’m so sorry. I’ve tried to forget the time I was away, pushing each day out of my mind as the next one started, but I’ll never forget the day Dorian came into the world. The Daemoni celebrated. That’s how they tortured me that day—celebrating that the Amadis would end with you. And it was probably the worst torture of the whole time they held me, because I needed you and I knew you needed me. It almost killed me to think of you suffering through that, and I couldn’t hold you. I couldn’t do anything for you….”
The tears spilled over the brims of my eyes.
“I failed them,” I whispered.
“No, not you. I’m the one who failed them.”
I looked up at him in surprise. “How can you say that?”
“The father’s genes determine the sex.”
I shook my head. “I know, but we’re different. According to Mom and Rina, our eggs can only accept female sperm. Once there’s a forming embryo, we might drop another egg that would take a male sperm. Otherwise, males are rejected. Except for me, of course. Something happened to the female…or there just never was one and my egg took the male seed. I have to be abnormal in everything.”
He held me in silence for a while. “Is there any hope?”
My breath caught as my mood suddenly brightened. The words gushed out. “Oh! There is! Tristan, there is hope! I’d dismissed the idea because you weren’t here, but now you are and it could still happen.”
“Whoa…slow down.” He took my face in his hands and looked into my eyes. “Tell me.”
I told him about Mom and Rina’s feelings that I may still be able to have a daughter. “I suppressed that hope because you were gone and you are my only love. I couldn’t…”
“You would have forsaken an Amadis daughter to wait for me?” He didn’t sound happy.
I frowned and dropped my head. “Maybe not forever,” I admitted. “But I thought if it ever became necessary, in vitro fertilization would have been the answer. It just wasn’t something I wanted to think about too much. The council has been growing restless about it lately, I guess, and were forcing me to think about it. Thank God you’re here now!”
He lifted my chin with his thumb and looked into my eyes again. “And there’s still hope? Even with the Ang’dora?”
Right. The Ang’dora.
My bubble burst. A whimpering sound escaped my throat as I dropped my shoulders with defeat. For the first time in years, I wished the Ang’dora wouldn’t happen yet. And what would the council do now, if it was impossible for me to have a baby? With the Ang’dora, there were too many odds against us.
“I don’t know. I’m not even supposed to change over yet—I’m supposed to be too young. Another anomaly to chalk under my name. Of course, Mom’s the only one who had a baby after the change. But I guess it does mean there’s precedence.”
“So we can try.” His lips twitched in a playful smile.
