through the cold, sun traveling down; heating up, even a little,
the streets, stone cold, steel-like daggers, the slab they lay you
out on; m y slab, a stone cold street; and a girl who wants to
live, such a girl, a girl who fucking wants to live doesn’t go out
until dawn, can’t go out until dawn; girls don’t go out at night;
girls who want to live don’t go out at night; you need light to
go out; you need sun; you need daylight; you need it to be a
little warmer, you need the edge o ff the cold, you need the
wind warmed up a little, you need it pale out, not dark, you
need it yellow or yellowish or even a flat silver or gray, a dull
gray, you need it gray or grayish or a dirty white at least, you
need it ash or a pale, pale blue as if it’s got a wash over it, a
watercolor wash, a greenish hue, or you need it to be pink, a
pinkish color, you need it pink, a little pink and a little warm ,
pinkish and warmish, you need light, you need light that’s
fresh and new, wholesome, washed in a subtle pastel color, a
pale hue, you need real light, honest light, well-established
light, not half dark, not stained by dark, not transitory or
illusory, you need it yellow from sun or even silver or gray,
you need it heated up, cozy, as if someone lit a match and
burned it to heat up the air, you need the sun m ixing with the
wind, a touch o f heat, you need it to be daytime if you’re a girl
so you can be safe and warm and at night you have to stay
inside so you w on’t get hurt; you don’t go out after dark; you
stay inside at night, you don’t be stupid and fuck up or some
stranger could hurt you, some bad man, a Nazi or some ghoul.
Y ou got to stay inside and if there’s a boy who likes you he’ll
sit next to you and he’ll kiss you and you can just stay with
him. Paul’s asleep. H e’s pinning me down, half on top o f me, a
lover but slightly displaced, half on me, half on the bed, it’s a
single bed, it’s been light a long time, two hours, three hours, I
watched the light come, it’s slow at first, then it’s sudden, it’s
pale today, a delicate yellow, a pale cold tone, I’m a student o f
light and time; my eyes are swollen open as if I saw something
that fixed them in place but I didn’t see nothing special, I
always wait with m y eyes open, I had them open, I didn’t close
them, it doesn’t help to close them, I waited for light but he
didn’t stop just because there was light, sometimes something’s important to you but it doesn’t matter to someone else
but you don’t know that, you don’t understand it, he lasted
well past the light and then he fell asleep without m oving
much, I wouldn’t have minded turning into a pumpkin but the
lovely lady had to stay at the ball, the beautiful princess loved
by the boy, he liked her so much; then he fell asleep without
m oving much, his body the full length o f mine, half on me,
half off, his arms holding onto me, one spread over me, dead
weight, one leg was spread over me, dead weight; and I was
completely still, I stayed completely still, except m y eyes
