lesbians did it, like Nazis, and it wasn’t anything like I knew,
being around girls and how we were. Later the newspapers
said this w om en’s jail was known as a hellhole torture place
and there’s a long history o f wom en beat up and burned and
assaulted for decades but the pacifists let us stay there; didn’t
bother them. There was a woman killed there by torture.
There were women hurt each and every day and the newspapers couldn’t think o f enough bad names to say how evil the
place was and how full o f cruelty and it was known; but the
pacifists let us stay there; didn’t bother them; because if you
get tortured they don’t hear the screams any more than if you
talk in a meeting; you could be pulled into pieces in front o f
them and they’d go on as if you wasn’t there; and you weren’t
there, not for them, truly you were nothing so they weren’t
w orrying about you when you were well-hidden somewhere
designed to hide you; and they weren’t all overwrought just
because someone might stick something up you or bring you
pain; and if you got a hole to stick it up then there’s no problem
for them if someone’s sticking something up it, or how many
times, or if it’s very bad. I don’t know what to call what they
did to me but I never said it was rape, I never did, and no one
did; ever. T w o doctors, these men, gave me an internal
examination as they called it which I had never heard o f before
or seen and they used a steel speculum which I had never seen
before and I didn’t know what it was or why they were putting
it up me and they tore me apart inside so I couldn’t stop
bleeding; but it wasn’t rape because it wasn’t a penis and it was
doctors and there is no rape and they weren’t Nazis, or lesbians
even, and maybe it was a lie because it’s always a lie or if it did
happen was I a virgin because if I wasn’t a virgin it didn’t
matter what they did to me because if something’s been stuck
up you once it makes you dirty and it doesn’t matter if you tear
someone apart inside. I didn’t think it was rape, I never did, I
didn’t know what they did or w hy they did it except I knew
how much it hurt and how afraid I was when I didn’t stop
bleeding and I wouldn’t have ever said rape, not ever; and I
didn’t, not ever. The peace boys told me I was bourgeois; like I
was too spoiled to take it. The pacifists thought if it was bad
for the prison in the newspapers it was good. But even after
the pacifists didn’t say, see, these girls hate the War. Even
these silly girls hate the War. Even the girl w h o ’s stupid
enough to type our letters and bring us coffee hates the War.
Even these dumb girls who walked through a door into hell
hate the War. Even these silly cunts we left in a torture pit
know ing full well they’d be hurt but so what hate the War.
They are too stupid to hate us but they hate the War. So stop
