he loves a whore but I would expect him to be above pettiness
and malice and small minds. I’ve met men from all over, N ew
Zealand, Australia, Israel, Nigeria, France, a Russian; only
one Amerikan, not military, a thin, gentle black man who
loved Nancy Wilson, the greatest jazz singer, he loved her and
loved her and loved her and I felt bad after. I’ve met Greeks in
Athens and in Piraeus and on Crete. It’s not a matter o f being
faithful; I don’t have the words or categories. It’s being too
alive to stop and living in the minute absolutely without' a
second thought because now is true. Everything I feel I feel
absolutely. I have no fear, no ambivalence, no yesterday, no
tom orrow; not even a name really. When I am with M there is
nothing else on earth than us, an embrace past anything
mortal, and when he is not with me I am still as alive, no less
so, a rapture with no reason to wait or deny m yself anything I
feel. There are lots o f Amerikans on Crete, military bases filled
with soldiers, the permanent ones for the bases and then the
ones sent here from Vietnam to rest and then sent back to
Vietnam. Sometimes they come to the cafes in the afternoons
to drink. I don’t go near them except to tell them not to go to
Vietnam. I say it quietly to tables full o f them in the blazing
sun that keeps them always a little blind so they hesitate and I
leave fast. The Cretans hate Amerikans; I guess most Greeks
do because the Am erikan government keeps interfering so
there w o n ’t be a left-wing government. The C . I. A. is a strong
and widely known presence. On Crete there are A ir Force
bases and the Amerikans treat the Cretans bad. The Cretans
know the arrogance o f occupying armies, the bilious arrogance. T hey recognize the condescension without speaking
the literal language o f the occupiers. M ost o f the Am erikans
are from the Deep South, white boys, and they call the Cretans
niggers. They laugh at them and shout at them and call them
cunts, treat them like dirt, even the old mountain men whose
faces surely would terrify anyone not a fool, the ones the Nazis
didn’t kill not because they were collaborators but because
they were resisters. The Amerikans are young, eighteen,
nineteen, twenty, and they have the arrogance o f Napoleon,
each and every one o f them; they are the kings o f the w orld all
flatulent with white wealth and the darkies are meant to serve
them. T hey make me ashamed. They hate anything not
Am erikan and anyone with dark skin. They are pale, anemic
boys with crew cuts; slight and tall and banal; filled with foul
language that they fire at the natives instead o f using guns. The
words were dirty when they said them; mean words. I didn’t
believe any words were dirty until I heard the white boys say
cunt. They live on the Amerikan bases and they keep
