he asks forgiveness, he didn’t mean no harm, you know how it
is man; and hey they agree it’s just a misunderstanding and
they talk and the man in m y bed with the knife is sweating and
the man who saved me is known to be dangerous, he is
known, a known very serious man, a quiet man, a major man,
and he says he’s m y man and I’m his woman and he don’t want
me having no trouble with sniveling assholes and any insult he
throws makes the man in m y bed with the knife sweat more
and grovel more and the big man, the man with the long legs,
he speaks very soft, and he says that now the man in the bed
with the knife w ill leave and the man in the bed with the knife
fumbles to put his pants on and fumbles to put his shirt on and
fumbles to get his shoes on and the big man, the man with the
long legs, says quietly, politely, that nobody had ever better
mess with me anymore and the man who was in m y bed with
the knife says yeah and sure and please and thank you and I am
some kind o f prom queen, bedecked, bejeweled, crowned
princess, because the man with the long legs says I am his, and
Pedro or Juan or Jo e is obsequious and he says he is sorry and
he says he didn’t understand and he says he made a mistake and
they chat and I’m shaking bad, I’m there covered a little, I’m
shaking and I’m not really covered and I’m covered in sweat
and I’m trying not to fall down faint and I’m shaking so much
I’m nearly naked, I’m hurt, my head falls down and I see my
skin, all bruised anywhere you can see as if I turned blue or
someone painted me blue, and there’s blood on me but I can’t
look or keep m y eyes open, I’m just this side o f dead but I’m
holding on, I’m shaking but I got something covering me
somewhere and I’m just not quite dead, I’m keeping something covering me somewhere, and Pedro or Juan or Jo e
leaves, he leaves mumbling an apology to the big man and I’m
saying thank you to the big man with serious formality, quiet
and serious and concentrating, and I’m something that ain’t
fresh and new, I’m something that ain’t clean, and I don’t
know anything except he’s got to go now because I have to
curl up by m yself to die now, it’s time, I’m just going to put
m yself down on the bed, very careful, very slow, on m y side
with m y knees raised a little, curled up a little, and I’m going to
God, I am going to ask God to take me in now, I am going to
forgive Him and I am going to put aside all m y grudges against
Him for all what He did wrong and for all the pain I ever had or
saw and I am going to ask Him to take me away now from
here and to somewhere else where I don’t have to move ever
again, where I can be curled up a little and nothing hurts and
whatever hurts don’t have to m ove and that I don’t have to
wake up no more but the big man ain’t through and I say later
or tom orrow or come back and he says I have to pay m y debts
