Blurred

“I love you, too.”

“Enough to show me your boobs?” I grinned into the pillow when she elbowed me in the gut. The bed shook with our laughter. “Come on. Consider it my dying wish.”

“No!” Her smiled dimmed and I knew I’d screwed up by mentioning me dying again. “And you don’t get a dying wish, because I’m not letting you die. I’ll take care of you.”

“You’re always taking care of me,” I said. “Why?”

“Because you’re too stubborn to take care of yourself.” She smiled across the pillow at me and pulled the blanket up around her neck. “Now go to sleep, perv.”

“You going to stay?”

She patted my leg. “I’ll stay till you fall asleep.”

I stared at her fingers on my leg, and questions that had no place in my head bubbled to the surface.

Questions I couldn’t ignore anymore. If I didn’t get them out, I was going to do something really stupid. Like kiss her. Words were going to work much better here.

“Can I ask you something without you getting pissed?” I asked, unable to stop myself from breathing in the scent of her hair all over my pillow. Asking her this could very well screw everything up between us beyond repair, but I had to know. If I didn’t I’d never be able to walk away from her.

From the what might have been s. “Do you think you ever could have loved me if Finn hadn’t come along?”

She broke eye contact with me immediately, running her index finger over the pillow between us. “I already love you.”

I tugged her chin up. “You know what I mean, Em. Did any part of you ever wonder if we might end up together?”

Emma watched me silently for a moment, chewing on her bottom lip before finally saying, “Of course I could have loved you. But I’m with Finn now…I’m always going to be with Finn.”

I gritted my teeth and nodded. I didn’t really know what to say. Mostly because I didn’t know what I really wanted. I was so fucking confused my head hurt. All I knew for certain was that I wanted my best friend back. I didn’t feel like me without her. The other shit was just petty jealousy and noise. I needed to get the hell over it.

“Cash, you’re my best friend,” she pleaded. “Please don’t—”

“I know.” I closed my eyes. “I was just trying to… Never mind. Forget I said anything.”

I exhaled an achy breath, wondering if knowing was going to give me the closure I needed or just screw with my head even further. Instead of dwelling on it, I just said, “Good night, Em.”

I turned my face to the pillow and tensed, trying to ignore the shadow slithering up to perch at the foot of the bed. With Emma here and my eyes shut, things felt halfway normal again. They felt right. I didn’t want it to end.

“What’s wrong?” Emma turned over to look at me, afraid. “Are they here?”

Her arm curled around me protectively, as if she’d actually be able to do something if they decided to make a move. A flurry of darkness swept past the open window. I shut my eyes and grabbed her hand, forgetting about the awkwardness I’d created between us, and pulled her against my chest.

“They’re always here.”

Chapter 8

Anaya

The Inbetween.

The place where souls came to be reborn. Or die.

I shivered as I approached the gates. It felt strange not having a soul in tow. I usually tried to avoid this place at all costs. And that usually wasn’t a problem, but since Finn had left, I found myself having to visit at least once a day. Only this time it was different. This time it wasn’t a soul that had brought me here.

I stepped up to the big iron gates and raised my chin at the hooded guard.

“No soul?” he pushed his hood off, revealing a head full of dark curly hair, then pulled open the gates.

“No,” I said, breezing through. “Balthazar wishes to see me.”

His brows furrowed together and he nodded, as if he were sending me to my second funeral. Under normal circumstances, Balthazar would call a reaper in for a one-on-one meeting only if something had gone awry. Usually these meetings ended in punishment. These weren’t normal circumstances, though. No, if this turned out the way it was supposed to, I was getting a reward at the end of this journey. I could only hope that he was calling me in to tell me we were at the end.

I skirted past each hollow soul with ease, ducking under the shelter of shadow shapes to go unseen.

As long as I didn’t make eye contact with any of them, I wouldn’t have to feel guilty for sending some of them here. There were too many children. Some souls were already approaching their ten-year mark. You could see the decay setting in. The madness was driving their transition into shadows. I couldn’t stand it.

Someone grabbed me and I flinched. Thin white fingers dug into my arm with a desperation I couldn’t fathom. A young girl emerged from the hemlock-shaped shadow and gazed up at me with dark eyes and feathery blond curls that she kept tucked behind her ears. The blackness had already eaten away the whites of her eyes, and whatever color they used to have.

“Y-you’re a Heaven’s reaper?” Her voice was all static.

I nodded, slowly.

“Help me,” she whispered. Her eyes darted around. “Please. You could take me across. I don’t belong here.”

Pain blossomed inside my chest. I wanted to. I would have given anything to take her hand and lead her home. But her chances of getting through those gates weren’t any better than mine. I looked down at the black spidery veins creating a road map up her arms and down her neck. No. Her chances were even worse. The darkness had already taken hold. She was beyond help.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, squeezing her hand.

Her eyes widened. “No! Please!”

“Anaya, dear.” A voice boomed from ahead. I jerked my hand away from the girl and turned around.

The mist parted and revealed Balthazar, a light among the dreary darkness. He motioned for me to follow him. I fell into step behind him, my chest constricting with fear as he led me up the marble steps to the Great Hall. I’d never been inside. Few had, and the few that had never emerged. Balthazar lifted his hand and two mirrored doors swung open to allow us entrance.

Inside, the walls and floors were glass. Thousands of images flashed across their surface. Humans.

Each in their last moments of life, in the cold grip of death. One by one the life left their eyes, and they were replaced by a new face. A new death. Balthazar cleared his throat, snatching my attention away from the images. He nodded and I followed him into an office. It was glass in there as well, with stars glowing behind every surface. Balthazar sank down in an oversize iron chair and settled his palms on a clear, shimmering table.

“How is the boy?” he asked.

“Fine,” I said, standing ramrod straight, trying to calm my nerves. It wasn’t easy to turn away from

Cash’s soul. Which is why I hated this place so much. It was much easier to pretend that it all didn’t exist. “I’ve done as you’ve asked. He hasn’t been touched. The shadow demons are contained, but I need to know something. Can they hurt him in the state he’s in? I need to know what the dangers are here. I need to know what I’m dealing with.”

Balthazar’s gaze swept over me, scrutinizing, as if he were searching me for something. He finally leaned forward, clasping his hands together against the glass. “He’s rare, Anaya. The closer he gets to death, the more they are going to want him, for more reasons than one. If his soul gets close enough to the surface I suppose they could do some damage, but I doubt they will. He’s too valuable.”

“Why?” I asked. “What is he?”

Balthazar sighed, exasperated. “I don’t have time to answer questions that don’t concern you. Do you or do