wall.”
“I didn’t ask him to come…” I mutter.
“No, but you should be grateful he did.”
I feel full of rage. “I can’t believe this, can we discuss it when he isn’t missing? I need to get off the phone, call me if you find him.” I say, abruptly ending the call. “Huh!” I growl to myself. Seething, I try Danny again. Nothing.
I pull my laptop onto my lap. I need to email him and sort this out. He can read it in the morning when he sobers up, but I need to get it out now. My fingers hover over the keys while I decide what I want to say.
Danny,
You can’t drift away from me for two weeks and then drunk dial, shouting at me.
No, I delete that and stare at the floor for several minutes. What do I want to say? My phone rings again.
“Danny?’
“No, it’s Charlie. I’ve got him.”
I blow out a long breath. “Thank goodness. Is he okay?”
“So, so,” he says quietly, obviously in earshot of Danny.
“Can I talk to him?” Not really knowing what I want to say.
“I think he’s a bit far gone for a deep and meaningful. Maybe you should leave it until tomorrow.”
'Alright,' I say reluctantly. “Look after him.'
'We will. Night,” he says.
“Night.”
I hang up. I'm glad Danny has those two, but the sinking feeling inside me says that I wish it was me he had. I lay awake, my mind racing. He’s right. It wouldn't kill me to say it. I shouldn't be punishing him still. I believe he’s telling the truth about what happened, so this is all that is keeping us apart and after all he has done for me, maybe I’m being unreasonable. After a while I look at the clock again, it’s 2.30am. Hopefully Danny will be safely in bed by now, but I wish we could sort this out. I reach over and pick up my phone, thinking about what I want to say. He wants me to say I trust him. I type a text.
'I do…I’m sorry. X’
I know it’s not a full and frank apology, but I need to get my head round it still and I think I should actually talk to him about it, not text. I just want him to wake up tomorrow and see that the first move has come from me. I smile and try to settle back down to sleep. It isn’t easy, but eventually I drift off.
I watch him making coffee for one of our regulars and, as he hands over the change, he glances at me. The corner of his mouth turns up in a smile and he winks at me. This kind of across-the-room flirting has been happening all day, but when he does come near me, he treats me like a nun. We haven’t had chance to discuss what happened last night, he was here before I got up this morning. I imagine he has a monster hangover, but he’s working through it…and it isn’t my imagination that he’s flirting with me.
“Earth to Liv.” says Connie.
“Huh?” I tear my eyes away from Danny and smile sheepishly at Connie. “Sorry, what were you saying?”
She laughs. “You're not on the planet today.”
“Sorry. I’ve got so much on my mind.”
“It seems like there is only one thing on your mind,” she says knowingly.
I smirk. “He called me last night, drunk.”
“I heard.”
“Of course you did.”
“Why don’t you talk to him?”
“And say what?”
“Tell him to pull his finger out.”
I laugh and then sigh. “Oh, I don’t know, Connie. I don’t know what is going on. He hounded me until I let him talk and now he’s backed off so much I’ve no idea what he wants anymore.”
She leans across the table and takes my hands. “What do you want?” she asks with a meaningful look.
“I don’t know.”
“Really?”
I shake my head.
“You are as stubborn as your grandmother you know.” She sits back in her seat and rolls her eyes at me.
“What does that mean?”
“Well, I remember when she was courting your granddad and they went through a bit of a rough patch, she had him jumping through all sorts of hoops to convince her he was worth a second chance, poor man.”
“I haven’t got him jumping through hoops!” I exclaim, insulted at the insinuation that I’m playing mind games.
Connie tilts her head. “Haven’t you?”
“No!”
“Well, what is the holdup then?”
“I don’t know.” I sigh. “I thought I wanted him to prove something to me.”
“What?”
“I think I wanted him to prove…that he loves me more than I love him,” I say in barely more than a whisper.
“Liv!”
“I know it’s unreasonable. But I wanted the security I never had with him before. He left me feeling like he never loved me as much as I loved him and after what happened in LA I just felt like I deserved the upper hand.” Saying it out loud makes it sound even worse.
Connie shakes her head at me. “I’m surprised at you, Olivia.” Oh God, I’m really in trouble if she is bringing Olivia out. “What makes you think you deserve the upper hand? He's been through just as much as you and you're torturing the poor boy over something I doubt he could prove to you anyway.” She folds her arms. 'I’ll tell you something, no one will ever love you more.”
“I know,” I say hanging my head. “I see that now, but he has backed off. Nothing is happening.”
“Well,” she says, leaning in to me, “has it occurred to you that he is waiting for something too? Maybe it’s him that needs the reassurance from you. Or are you too precious to make the first move for the ONLY man you will ever love? Honestly, I ought to bang your heads together.” She shakes her head in disgust.
“I did make the first move!” She looks as though she doesn’t believe me, so I continue. “I text him after he called last night,” I say in a low voice. “He said that I was acting like I trusted him, so it wouldn’t kill me to say I trusted him. Or words to that effect.” She raises her eyebrows, clearly in agreement, which I try to ignore. “So I text him back saying I do and I’m sorry.”
“You text him?” she asks incredulously.
“Uh-huh,” I say, knowing what is coming.
“You think that will do? Do you? A text!”
I rub my brow in shame. “No, but he wouldn’t answer the phone.”
“Have you not discussed it today?”
“No, I thought we would but he’s been busy all day.”
She shakes her head. “Excuses, excuses! You're lucky he is still here. You have to do something about this before it’s too late.” Her tone is angry but her volume, mercifully low. “Only you can fix it, Liv.”
“Oh this is such a mess.” I sigh.
“Can I get you ladies a refill?” Danny chirps, taking us both by surprise. I guess from the look on his face that he didn’t hear any of our conversation.
“Thank you.” I manage and he takes our empties away. “Shit, that was close.” I glower at Connie.
“It wouldn't be such a bad thing to have out in the open if you ask me.” She grumbles.
When Danny comes back with our drinks, Connie excuses herself and helpfully suggests Danny sits and keeps me company. I flash her daggers for being so obvious, but she just smiles and heads to the counter.
