Losing Hope

Chapter Twenty-five

Les,

She’s probably asleep right now. I’ll tell her in the morning. She runs every morning so I’ll just show up and run with her, then I’ll tell her. We’ll figure out what to do after that.

H

Chapter Twenty-six

Les,

I can’t sleep.

I can’t believe I actually found her.

H

Chapter Twenty-seven

Les,

Why do you think she calls herself Sky?

There was this thing we used to do when we were little. We only did it a few times because she was taken shortly after that. But she used to cry all the time and I hated it, so we would lie in the driveway and watch the sky and I would hold on to her finger. I remember thinking it was gross to hold a girl’s hand so I would always hold her pinky, instead. Because even though I was just a kid and it was gross to hold a girl’s hand, I really did want to hold her hand.

I used to tell her to think about the sky when she got sad and she always promised me she would. Now here she is. And her name is Sky.

It’s three in the morning. None of this makes any sense. I’m going to sleep now.

H

Chapter Twenty-eight

Les,

Well, I ran with her. Sort of. It was more like I chased her. I couldn’t bring myself to speak to her once I showed up. Then after the run we were both so exhausted we just collapsed onto the grass.

I was hoping that the incident in the cafeteria yesterday would spark some sort of memory from her. I was hoping when I showed up today that she would know exactly what upset me so much yesterday. I wanted her to tell me she remembered so I wouldn’t have to be the one to tell her.

How do you tell someone something like that, Les? How do I tell her that the mother who raised her could very well be the one who stole her from us?

If I said anything, her life would change forever. And she likes her life. She likes running and reading and baking and . . . holy shit.

Holy shit.

It didn’t make sense until just now, but the whole internet thing? Her mom not wanting her to have a phone? Karen did it. Karen fucking took her and she’s doing everything she can to make sure Sky doesn’t find out.

I don’t know what to do. I know I can’t be around her right now. There’s no way I can be around her and pretend everything is fine when it’s not. But there’s no way I can tell her the truth, either, because it would turn her world upside down.

I don’t know what will be more painful. Staying away from her so she doesn’t find out, or telling her the truth and ruining her life all over again.

H

Chapter Twenty-eight-and-a-half

Les,

It’s Thursday night. I haven’t spoken to her since Monday. I can’t even look at her because it hurts so much. I still don’t know what to do and the longer I just let this go on, the more of an asshole it makes me look. But every time I work up the nerve to talk to her I have no idea what I’d even say. I told her I’d always be honest with her and this is just something I can’t be honest with her about.

I’ve been trying to figure out why Karen would do something like this, but there isn’t a single valid excuse in the whole world that could justify someone taking a child. I’ve even thought about the chance that maybe Hope’s dad didn’t really want her, so he just gave her away. But I know that’s not true because he did everything he could to find her for months.

I just can’t figure it out. I don’t even know if I need to. Until I barged into her life two weeks ago, she was happy. If I don’t walk away now, it’ll ruin all that.

Ironic, isn’t it? I walked away from her thirteen years ago and ruined her life. Now if I decide not to walk away from her, I’ll ruin her life again.

Just goes to show that everything I do is hopeless. Fucking hopeless.

H

Chapter Twenty-nine

“Yo, flipdick. We on for tonight?” Daniel says, walking up to my locker.

The last thing I feel like doing tonight is going out. I know Daniel would probably get my mind off her with all the crazy shit that comes out of his mouth, but I don’t really want to get my mind off her. I haven’t spoken to her since Monday and the only thing that sounds appealing besides being with her is wallowing alone in self-pity.

“Maybe tomorrow. I don’t really feel like doing anything tonight.”

Daniel leans his elbow into the locker and he lowers his head, leaning toward me. “You’re really being a mangina,” he says. “You didn’t even date the chick. Get the fuck over it and . . .” Daniel glances over my shoulder without finishing the sentence. “What the hell is your problem, powder puff?” He’s speaking to someone now standing behind me. The way he says it can only mean it’s Grayson. Fearing I’m about to get sucker-punched from behind, I spin around.

It’s not Grayson.

Breckin is facing me and he doesn’t look very pleased about it.

“Hey,” I say.

“I need to talk to you,” he says. I know he wants to talk about Sky and I really don’t want to talk about Sky. Not to Breckin, not to Daniel, not even to Sky. No one understands anything about anything and frankly, it’s nobody’s business.

“Sorry, Breckin. I’m not really in the mood to talk about her.”