Beautifully Awake

“On lunch?” Dressed in a tailored light suit and carrying a black leather briefcase, I recognized him immediately.

“Um ... hi. What are you doing here?”

Asher leaned down and kissed my cheek. He was the last person I expected to see outside the hospital.

“Nice to see you too, Lili.” He sarcastically chuckled.

“Oh, sorry.” I blushed at my rudeness. “I didn’t know you were in town, you surprised me. I assumed you were still away with Chase on your business trip ... wherever that is.” My voice trailed off.

“Business trip?” Now Asher looked surprised. He studied the sidewalk, avoiding eye contact. “Not sure what you mean. I just drove down to get a few signatures off him. I spoke to him earlier and he told me he had a few cases today. You didn’t see him this morning?”

My nervous stomach took a backseat to my new friend, nausea. Seriously. He confirmed it. Chase lied. But something about the way Asher asked if I’d seen him made it clear that he was completely unaware of any problem between Chase and me.

“Um, I haven’t really talked to him since last Friday. We ... texted a couple of times. I sent him a message Wednesday night, but I never heard back.” I caught myself fidgeting with my nails. “I assumed he was with you.”

“He was ... last Saturday when he showed up in New York.”

“So wait, he wasn’t away with you all week?” I clipped.

Asher ran a hand through his tawny brown hair. “Shit,” he muttered.

“What, Asher? What aren’t you telling me?”

He stood, pensive. Enough was enough with the boys covering for each other. It was obvious Asher had put his foot in his mouth, but I wasn’t waiting around for him to come up with a plausible lie.

“Well, I need to go. I don’t really have time for this, and I need to be back soon.” I paused, hoping he would slip and say something. Anything. “Good to see you again.”

I made it two steps before Asher gently tugged me back. “Lili, please wait. Chase ... he’s a fucking mess. Saturday was ... intense. I’ve never seen him like this, not even when Kimi died.” A sadness filled his eyes. My jaw dropped open and my throat clogged. That was the last thing I expected Asher to say.

Stuck on he’s a fucking mess, my emotions pinballed so quickly between sadness and anger I could barely keep up. Something snapped and my brain-to-mouth-filter turned off. “So I guess when you find out your girlfriend isn’t as pure and sweet as you thought, tarnished with a sad pregnancy story, you become a fucking mess.” The anger in my voice was raw as I repeated Asher’s words.

He looked at me with disbelief. “He told you?”

Told me? “Told me what? I have no idea what you’re talking about. Remember, he doesn’t tell me a freaking thing.” I crossed my arms against my chest trying to ease the burning pain. “I don’t get it, why won’t he talk to me?” Hot tears filled my eyes.

“Lili, you should talk to him. I’m not comfortable saying any more. I really should stay out of your relationship.”

“Relationship? He left me, Asher, when I needed him the most. He dropped me off and left.” A tear slid down my cheek.

He placed a hand on top of mine and squeezed.

“Lil, you’re upset, and I’m not sure what went down between the two of you, but he’s in a fucked up place right now. Just talk to him,” he pleaded.

I wiped my wet cheek, smoothed my skirt and politely said goodbye. Asher had a bleak look in his eyes, but he was right. I needed to find him.

The empty void deep within filled with a swarm of bees. And within minutes I was on the fifth floor staring at the posted operating room schedule. Chase had cases all day. Back to back. I found Kate in the recovery room right away.

“Lil, you look ... I mean, is everything okay?”

I wasn’t exactly sure what I looked like, but I was guessing it wasn’t good. Kate sympathetically ran a hand down the side of my hair.

“Have you seen Chase today?” My voice was melancholic. I should have been angry. He blatantly lied. But I just needed to see him, make sure he was okay.

“He’s been operating all day, trying to make up for the week off, I guess. I haven’t seen him.”

He always accompanied his patients to the recovery room. My patients, my responsibility.

“Oh.” My eyes quickly scanned the room searching for him, even though I knew he wasn’t there.

“He hasn’t been wheeling any of his patients in today, only Guy or Jack, but he still has one case left. I don’t think it started yet. Do you want me to tell him anything if I see him?”

“No, don’t say anything. Actually, can you do me a favor?”

“Sure, anything. You know that.”

“Can you text me when the last case is over?”

“Okay, no problem.”

“Thanks, Kate.” I turned to leave, but she grabbed my arm.

“Lil, I saw him with you. I mean when you guys were in here last week. I saw how he looked at you ... how he touched you.” She smiled softly. Heat hit my cheeks with visions of him claiming my ass. “It was really sweet ... I hope everything works out.” She wrinkled her brow and shrugged.

“Thanks,” I whispered, almost choking on my words.

At the far end of the room, the OR suite doors pushed open and Chase looked anything but a fucking mess. My gut wrenched at the sight of his new case manager flanked at his side. She was a new hire I had only met once or twice in passing, but she was staring up into his eyes, my eyes, giggling and hanging on every word he spoke. She had probably just sat in on an awake case. The amount of jealousy I never knew I possessed came to a brimming head. It took everything in my power to not run over there and rip that giggling, flirty mouth right off her face. But what killed me even more was the smile he had for her.

The next thing I knew Kate was dragging me into the supply closet.

“What in the world are you doing? Kate, stop,” I hissed.

“No, you stop, You practically had fumes coming from your ears. I thought you were gonna try to rip her hair out.”

That obvious, huh?

“I was close. What the hell is that all about?”

“Lili, she’s on his team now. Stop jumping to conclusions. He was probably telling her about the next case. You need to take your own advice and go home and cool off. Stick to your original plan. I’ll text you when he’s done, promise.”

Crap. I took a deep breath. She was right. Who was I kidding? I wasn’t going to make a scene in the middle of the recovery room like an unstable jealous girlfriend without any facts, but damn I was so tempted.

“Lili, just go.” Kate pushed me toward the exit.

Walking away I repeated, “Sweet.” We were sweet. I was his sweet.

I paced back and forth, back and forth. My nervous energy was wearing away the sheen on my hardwood floor. Kate’s text couldn’t come soon enough. A little bit before eight o’clock my phone chimed.

He’s done.

GL :)

Hmmm. Kate wished me good luck. Is that what I needed, luck? No, what I needed was for him to listen, to hear me out. He needed my truth. And I needed the same in return. His flirty new case manager was the least of my worries. My irrational reaction to her today, on the other hand … that was an issue. It just confirmed how attached I was to him. He was mine.

In the rain, I hailed a cab and headed directly for the Franklin Towers. The swish of the windshield wipers put me in a trance, only to replay our future conversation. After a silent elevator ride to the sixteenth floor and