'God, that was hard. I had no idea just how much that little girl had gotten inside, you know?' She turned to me. I nodded.
'Indeed, I do.'
Haley shelled out a couple hundred dollars to have all of her stuff shipped back home to meet her when she flew out in three days.
Tuesday. That was the day. It was Saturday night, and I felt like I was being held in a vice, not able to move or act, or react.
We headed to my mom’s. I had taken Haley home off and on over the past few months, and my mom had been delighted to see her every single time. I think of anyone in the world, she would have loved to see Haley stick around. I hear you , mom.
'Mom?' I called as I let us in the house.
'In the kitchen, hon,' she called out. We made out way in there to see that she was cutting up some chicken for dinner. She quickly washed her hands, and turned to us. She smiled, but it was sad. She made eye contact with me, silently asking if I was okay. I nodded, leaning against the wall with my arms crossed over my chest, watching.
'So this is it, huh?' my mom asked Haley, who nodded.
'Yeah.'
'When does your flight leave?'
'Tuesday at three.'
'Do you need a ride to the airport, honey?' My mom tossed the dishtowel she’d been drying her hands with, aside, and walked over to Haley.
'No. I’ve been using my dad’s old car this last year, and so I’ll drive myself, leaving it at the airport. My brother will pick it up later.' My mom nodded.
'You tell your mom and dad if they need anything, if your mom needs a break, or whatever, she better give me a call.'
Haley smiled, nodding. She walked over to my mom, taking her in a large hug, laying her head on my mom’s shoulder.
'Thanks,' she said, her voice quiet. My mom leaned in and whispered something in Haley’s ear. Haley nodded, and smiled at my mom.
'You take care, honey. I’m going to miss you, and I know that one will, too.' She nodded toward me.
'I’ll miss you, too, and I will definitely miss that one.' Haley looked at me, her eyes filling.
The drive home was a quiet one, again. I don’t think either of us had much to say. Haley cried off and on, her tears silent, but there. I left my hand on her leg as much as possible, trying to give her any sort of comfort I could. Why are you doing this, Haley? Why? I wanted to scream this over and over again, but I knew the answer, and figured there was no reason to torment her soul any more than it already was.
I pulled up into her driveway, and left the car running. I turned to her. She was already looking at me.
'Um, I think I’m going to go home tonight. I need to be alone.' She looked at me, stunned.
'Oh, okay. Um, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, then?' The hope in her voice nearly killed me. I nodded.
'Yeah.'
'See you then.' She brushed her fingers across my face, looking at me, as though she were trying to soak it all in, burn my image onto her brain. She leaned in, gently kissing me, then let herself out of the Jeep.
I cried on the entire trip home, then cried myself to sleep.
In some ways time seemed to drag on, and in all the wrong ways, it flew by. It was Sunday, and I had promised Haley that I would help her clean the townhouse before she left.
Dressing in a grungy pair of sweat shorts, and tank, I pulled a baseball hat on my head, grabbed some old rags from the garage, and headed over, for what I knew would be the last time.
I waited on the front porch, my first knock unanswered. Finally I heard footsteps inside, and the door was pulled open. Haley met me, her eyes red and swollen, a glass of juice in her hand.
'Hey,' she said, her voice rough from too much crying. I could relate.
'Hi. The cleaning crew is here.' I gave her a weak grin. She stepped back, allowing me to enter. I could smell the cleaning products as soon as I entered, seeing that the place was spotless. 'I thought you wanted help?'
Haley shrugged, walking over toward the kitchen, setting her glass down on the counter.
'I had to have something to keep me busy last night.'
'I’m sorry I couldn’t help.' I watched her for a moment, her back still to me. With a sigh, I walked up behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist, feeling her fall gently back into me. I closed my eyes, my chin resting on her shoulder.
'It’s okay. This way we can just spend some time together. If you want.'
'I do want.' I looked around, seeing how empty it all was. 'This place looks so big with nothing in it.'
'I know. That’s why I bought it. Lots of space.'
I tensed as I could feel the emotion rise in my throat. I was so damn tired of this. Why couldn’t I be the stone cold bitch I had been for year? Nothing affected that woman, and no one affected that woman.
Damn you, Haley Corregan.
I squeezed a little tighter, really feeling the tears come, now. Seeing this empty place, knowing that all of Haley’s things used to fill these rooms. Haley used to fill these rooms, and she never would again.
A sob tore from my throat, and my eyes squeezed shut, the hot, burning tears making their way down my face, one after the other, my throat choked up as more sobs fought to get out.
Haley turned around in my arms, hugging me to her, holding me close, my shaking body.
'Don’t go, Haley,' I sobbed. 'Please? Stay?' I looked up at her, trying to make sense of her image through my wall of tears. I could feel her body shake as she, too, began to cry. She shook her head.
'Don’t do this, Andi. Please, don’t do this,' she begged.
'Why can’t you stay? You can find a place around here to practice. You know the hospital will take you back in a heartbeat!'
'Don’t, don’t, don’t,' she whispered, her forehead against mine, our tears falling until I didn’t know whose belonged to whom, the salty taste upon my lips.
I cupped her face, and pulled her to me, taking her mouth, desperate, hungry, needing to feel her, to connect with her, to let her know how much I needed her. All the things I couldn’t say with words.
Haley’s arms wrapped themselves around my neck, pulling me to her, crushing me to her. Our mouths fought for what, we didn’t know. All I knew was I needed her. And I loved her.
The tears kept coming as the kiss deepened, the passion of the moment, matching the depth of our pain, making us try and devour each other.
After long moments, I pulled away from her, sniffling, and taking her hand. I turned, leading us toward the stairs, neither of us saying a word.
In what had once been Haley’s bedroom now stood only the rabbit hutch, and the frame of the bed, a single mattress resting on it. Everything else, including the headboard, had already been moved out.
I turned to Haley, both of us standing at the end of the bed, the dying sunlight streaming in through the one window. Haley looked at me, her eyes filled with so much, it was hard to discern. Love, fear, sadness and desire.
I kissed her gently on the lips, then pulled away, my hands going to her tee, slowly lifting it from the bottom. She obediently lifted her arms, and I pulled the shirt over her head, and tossed it to the floor. I could see her nipples were erect through the material of her bra. I took a step closer to her, wrapping my arms around her, my fingers working with the hooks of it.
As I worked at it, Haley lowered her head, and caught my lips, her hands moving to my tank, sliding up underneath to caress my back. The kiss was slow, neither of us in a hurry as we tasted, felt, explored.
The bra came loose, and I brought my hands up to her shoulder, fingers touching the strap of it, gently pushing them down off her shoulder, and down her arms. She closed her eyes as her breasts were exposed to me.
