I pushed the lab door open to see Samantha already at work. She glanced over at me, and smiled.
'Hey, doc. Are you feeling better?'
'I’ll survive.' I said, heading for my office. I brought my keys out, and unlocked the door, flipping on the light, and stopping in my tracks.
On the desk sat a Koosh ball, sitting on a piece of paper. Slowly I walked over to it, setting my keys down, and sitting in the chair, my eyes never leaving the Koosh.
Taking a deep breath, all my carefully placed reserve cracking with each ticking of the clock, I grabbed the toy, feeling the familiar spines, knowing the last hand they had touched had been hers.
Placing the Koosh aside, I picked up the folded piece of paper, and read it:
I will always love you. Here’s a small piece of me to carry around with you.
Toward the bottom of the note was carefully printed,
I had hoped for a different outcome.
I lowered my head, taking several deep breaths, my hand blindly reaching out to grab the Koosh.
'Andi?'
I looked up when I heard the soft voice. Samantha stood in the doorway, her hands in the pockets of her lab coat. I said nothing, blinking as I tried to push the tears back down into their little compartment away from everything else.
'Yeah?'
'I just want you to know, if you need to talk, I’m here for you. Okay?'
I smiled, nodding.
'Thanks, Samantha. I’m fine.' I stood, grabbing my own lab coat, and slipping it on. 'Come on; we’ve got work to do.' I began to head out of the office, but grabbed the Koosh, slipping it into my pocket.
The morning went on, and I slipped back into the world I knew so well, and pulled off without a hitch, losing myself in my work, letting the science take me over. It was a great thought deterrent.
The research was back online, and we were starting to make progress again.
'Samantha, I’m going to grab some coffee. Want anything from the cafeteria?'
'Yeah, grab me one of those banana muffins they have.'
'Will do.'
I headed out, whistling softly to myself as I did. It was nearly lunch time, eleven-thirty, but I knew I wouldn’t be taking any lunches today. I had a lot of work to catch up on, and today I planned to make history for me. I wanted so badly to finally get what I’d always been after, and unlock the mysteries of the body. We were so close now.
The cafeteria was buzzing with pre-lunch voices. There were only maybe a dozen people there, between visitors and staff. As I looked to my right, toward the food part, I stopped, seeing the sign with the lunch special of the day: tuna on rye.
Suddenly I felt the weight of the Koosh in my pocket, and the facade came crashing around me.
I headed toward a table, plopping down hard, my hand going into the pocket of the lab coat. I brought out the Koosh and the note, placing the page in front of me on the table, the Koosh in my hands. I read the words again, bowing my head. I felt my chest tighten, my eyes begin to sting, until I felt a hand on my shoulder.
I whipped my head around, my heart in my throat, then I saw the brown eyes.
My hopes crashed, and I turned back to the Koosh.
'Are you okay, Andi?' Erin sat next to me, her hand on my arm. I nodded, but said nothing. 'I don’t believe you. What happened?'
'She’s gone,' I said quietly, my hurting even worse to say the words.
'Who’s gone?'
'Haley.'
'Oh. I wondered. I always used to see you guys together.' I felt her move closer as she read the words on the page. 'I’m so sorry, Andi.' I felt the hand on my arm squeeze. 'What happened? Where did she go?' Her words were so soft.
'Back to California.'
'Why?'
'She has a life there.' My head fell again, and I felt my throat tighten. 'I love her, Erin,' I whispered.
'Does she love you?' I nodded. 'Then why don’t you go with her?'
'She asked. I can’t leave here. I can’t leave my work, I can’t leave, I just can’t leave.'
'You know, Andi, at one time it would have helped my own heart to see you like this, but now I’ve truly found happiness, and I know what it can be, what it can feel like. I care enough about you to want you to have the same thing.'
I looked at her, a tear falling down my cheek.
'Oh, honey,' She reached out, and wiped it away with her finger. 'Sometimes certain things are worth fighting for, Andi.' She whispered, then stopped, grabbing her pager. 'Damn. I have to go. I’m sorry.' She stood, but hugged me from behind. 'Good luck, Andi.'
As she walked away, I looked at Haley’s Koosh in my hands, and suddenly I knew what I had to do.
I shoved back from the chair, shoving the toy and the note in my pocket, and turned toward the door, running as if I was being chased by a lonely past, chased by the ghost of a woman that I couldn’t let go of.
'Go get her, Andi!' I heard Erin yell as I ran past her.
Bursting through the doors that would lead to the parking lot, I found my Jeep, and clicked the doors open, inserting the key with shaky hands. God, what was I doing?
I glanced at the clock on the dashboard, seeing that it was ten after twelve, and I knew that Haley would already be on her way to the airport. It was an hour drive to the nearest one, so I had to really haul ass.
What would I do once I got there? Why was I going? What would I say?
The highway stretched out before me, and my heart pounded with every mile, blood racing through my head making me feel lightheaded.
I pushed the speed limit to the absolute outset, just trying to avoid getting pulled over or killing anyone. I had to see her, just one last time.
Eventually the highway gave way to a narrow, two-lane road that would take me straight to the airport’s driveway.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw a familiar-looking car. I whipped around to see it, and then pushed hard on the breaks, looking around frantically to try and find the car again. There it was.
My tires squealed as I did a U-turn in the middle of the street, the car behind me honking as he drove by. I didn’t care. Pushing my foot to the gas, I sped toward the car, trying to get past the other cars that were between us, trying to get directly behind.
I could see her eyes in the rearview mirror, her car loaded with suitcases.
I began to pound on the horn like a madwoman, needing to get her attention. Blue eyes looked back at me, then widened in surprise. The small car put on the breaks, me nearly ramming her, as she pulled off of the road, a huge cloud of dust swirling up around her car.
I followed suit, turning the engine off, and throwing my door open, running to the other side of the car where she was, nearly being bowled over by Haley.
I held her to me, both of us crying.
'What are you doing? Are you crazy?' I almost yelled, the adrenaline pounding my heart to the point of near explosion. Haley looked at me through red eyes.
'I can’t leave you, Andi,' she cried, both hands on either side of my face. I looked at her, confused.
'What? What are you saying?'
'I’m saying I can’t go. I don’t have a life back there,' She pointed toward the airport. 'My life is with you. I love you!' She shook me to emphasize her point. I pulled her to me.
'I love you, too.'
Linda’s voice trailed off, her eyes closed, the microphone held out to the side. The audience jumped to its
