“I told you. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”
I groaned. He had apologized a million times about me falling on the ice, but then would go right back to saying that it was a good thing because I needed to let go. Easy for him to say. He didn’t have a disease or an ex that gave it to him. It was hard to start anything new, let alone let go, when that was always in the back of my mind.
“I don’t even know you,” I said, but regretted the words as soon as I them, no matter how true they were.
What did I really know about the beautiful boy who carried me up the stairs after my surgery? I knew that I was falling, hard. More than I had for anyone else and that scared me. It scared me how much I was willing to do for him. How much he made me forget about what a jerk Robby was to me.
“You know me, Melanie. Better than anyone,” he whispered the last part. “You’re the one that’s a mystery to me. You’re the one who keeps everything inside and won’t let go.”
“You keep saying that. I don’t know what you’re trying to get at. Do you want me to just keep falling on my face?” I looked up, seeing that the professor walked into the room and I kept my voice low. I did intend on passing the class and I had been slacking on paying attention ever since I started sitting next to John.
His hand slid from under his desk and slowly moved up my leg until his fingers grazed my inner thigh. He couldn’t just pull something sexy and think that I’d forgive him that easily.
I grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly, turning my head ever so slightly toward his. “Stop it. We’re not doing this here.”
He pulled his hand out of my grip. “Geez, Red. No need to be so touchy.”
“You were the one being touchy,” I whispered. “And now I need to pay attention to our lecture.”
“Come on, Red. I thought we were good.”
One of the girls in front of us turned her head sharply. “Will you two either quit talking or take it outside? Some of us are trying to listen,” she hissed.
“Mind your own damn business,” I pushed back.
She huffed and then turned around to face the front again.
“Ouch! Feisty and I like it,” John said through a laugh.
I glared in his direction and then packed up my books and put them in my bag. He wasn’t going to stop bothering me during class and I was sure I could get the notes from someone. There was no way I could concentrate, so it was better just to leave.
Once my bag was packed I stood and didn’t even look back as I pushed past other people’s desks and stormed out the front door.
What the hell was happening to me? I used to have everything together. I was Melanie Wilder, good student, hard worker, and the girl that didn’t let people get to her. Then John Walden came into my life and everything became one big train wreck. I couldn’t blame him for the cancer, that wasn’t his fault, but the way that my body felt even more broken when he was around just made it ten times worse. I started my relationship with him thinking I could just have a quickie. To be with someone that wasn’t Robby. Then it all backfired and now I was more confused than ever.
I’d never felt this out of control before. I was ruined beyond repair and nothing was going to fix me. I put my hands on my knees and let the cool December air hit my face, forcing the tears to stay in my eyes. I would not break down in the middle of the quad.
“What was that about?” His voice got louder as I heard his feet hit the pavement, coming closer and closer.
I shook my head, slowly standing up. “This isn’t going to work.”
John’s hand was on my waist, spinning me around to face him. “You can’t get rid of me that easy. I told you that once and I will tell you that every day until you believe me.”
“Well, maybe I don’t want
He winced, as if my words were a slap in the face. He let out a deep breath, his face completely fallen. It was the most vulnerable I’d ever seen it. Gone was his cocky demeanor and instead he was a guy that looked like he was about to lose it.
“Why, John? You don’t need me. You have millions of other girls that line up at the house every weekend for you.”
I wanted to scream it. I wanted him to just give up on me. I couldn’t keep going on with our tug of war game. No matter how sexy I found him, the more I hung around with him, the more confused I got. I needed to just stick to what I knew.
“I don’t want any other girl.” He shook his head and took a step closer, cupping my face in his hands. “I belong with you and you belong with me.”
I tried to move back, but his hands stayed put on the sides of my face. “I’m broken, John. You can’t just fix me that easily.”
“Then we can be broken together, Melanie. I want you to give this a chance. You haven’t given it a fair chance since the beginning. I don’t want this to just be some random pass. I want something real. I want you.”
“John, I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m ready for. This semester has been nothing but a crazy jumble of emotions.” I wanted to let myself fall for the beautiful boy, but I was afraid if I fell too hard then I would just get hurt.
“Then let’s keep going slow. I’ll do whatever you want, baby. I just want to stay with you, in whatever context that is, friend, fuck buddy, or more.”
I swallowed hard. “Okay.”
He leaned in and kissed my forehead. We weren’t completely fixed and I wasn’t sure where our relationship would lead, but I’d never had a guy fight for me like John did. And the more he fought, the harder I fell.
“So, how’d you get the big bruise on your nose? Valerie beat you into submission for not taking pain meds?” Monica yelled over the coffee bean grinder.
“No, John did it.”
The grinder turned off suddenly and it was like a record stopped spinning mixed with nails on a chalkboard. A few people sitting in the coffee shop actually winced.
I turned my attention to Monica, who was staring at me with her eyes practically bulging out of her head. “Did you just say that John did that to you?”
I let out a single laugh, even though it wasn’t funny. “Oh, totally not like that. We went ice skating and I thought he was going to catch me, but instead I fell on my face.”
Monica let out a big sigh of relief. “Jesus, Mel, way to scare me!”
“Sorry, I wasn’t thinking.” Only I was thinking. Thinking of what I was going to text John. He was playing this twenty questions game with me via text. I guess me saying that I didn’t know him really got to him because he kept texting me with random questions about me and then would answer the same question as well. The latest was about our childhood crushes. He told me that he liked me a lot, but he still wasn’t over Zoey from Zoey101 on Nickelodeon.
“What is going on with you and John Boy anyway? Are you two like a couple now?” She asked, sifting the coffee grounds into a filter.
I shrugged. “I’m not sure what we are. I think we’re together, but I don’t think there’s a title for it.”
I looked down at my phone and saw another text from John.
I smiled at that one. It was a silly question, but I answered it truthfully.
