“Sorry, you asked for it,” I said between bites.
“But seriously. How are you feeling?” His eyes met mine and they looked even bluer in the dim light of my apartment. I only had on a lamp and the light from my computer so it wasn’t exactly the brightest place, but his eyes lit up the whole room.
My shoulders fell. “Honestly? Like shit. It’s like ever since break started I’ve been going nonstop and I just want a time out or something.”
“Then take one.”
I rolled my eyes. “It’s not that easy. Finals are coming up and work has been super busy. I’ll get to take a break during Christmas.”
He put his hand on mine. “Let go, Red.”
I tried to pull my hand away, but I couldn’t. It was the same thing he had been saying to me since the ice skating rink:
He took my other hand in his and held them up to his lips, kissing my knuckles gently and then just held my hands there. “Melanie. I’m serious. I care about you so much. I’ve seen how tense you always are and I just want you to be able to let go. Just relax once in awhile. Let the weight of the world off of your shoulders.”
“John...”
He shook his head. “Whatever you’re going to say, I don’t need to hear it. I just want you to relax for once. Just try to enjoy my company, even though you think I’m a pain in the ass, you still like me.”
I couldn’t help but smile at that one. “You really are a pain in the ass, but you’re right.” I leaned in and placed a small kiss on his lips. “I do still like you.”
He put one hand on the back of my head and pulled me closer, his tongue sliding between my lips and deepening our kiss. My dinner was soon forgotten and I dropped my fork to the floor before straddling John’s waist. His hands trailed down to my lower back and he pulled me against his chest. Even through his jacket, I could feel the hard contours of his muscular arms as they pressed against mine.
I unzipped his jacket and he helped by pulling it off the rest of the way, never breaking our kiss. His mouth trailed down to my neck, nibbling at the sensitive skin where it met my shoulders. I gasped and raked my fingers through his hair, tugging it back and forcing his chin up so that his lips met mine again.
He broke our kiss slightly and whispered into my lips, “I like it when you’re forceful, Red.”
“Shut up and kiss me, John Boy.” I crushed my lips against his with such a force he tipped backward slightly but then caught himself, his hands sliding on my back and then down to my butt, cupping it in his hands.
I didn’t want to think. I wanted to do exactly what he wanted me to do: Let go. I wanted there to be a world in which I didn’t worry about cancer or finals or other girls that might want him. Just get lost in John’s kiss. I didn’t want to think of the other girls he’d been with or if he really was at home studying and not getting a lap dance from other girls.
But of course, it would be my body that betrayed me. It sent me a wakeup call that I definitely wasn’t well enough for sex yet. My stomach grumbled against John’s and he stopped kissing me.
I opened my eyes to look directly into his. He had his eyebrows slightly raised. “Was that your stomach growling?”
“Would you believe me if I said it wasn’t?” I ran my fingers through his hair, hoping that would make him forget about my stomach.
No such luck. He shifted underneath me until I was forced to move off of his lap and sit beside him. “I can’t sit here and make out with you when I know you’re starving. So, eat.” He handed me back my fork.
“Fine. Meanie.” I took a piece of the gnocchi and stuffed it in my mouth, making a face like an angry toddler.
“You’re kind of cute when you don’t get your way.” He smiled and took a bite of the gnocchi.
I pulled the container closer to me. “My gnocchi.”
“Ouch, getting feisty now.”
“Shut up and hand me some bread.” I pointed to the rolled up foil.
“As you wish.” He stood up, putting his coat back on.
“Wait!” I put my hand on his arm. “I didn’t mean it. You don’t have to leave.”
“As much as I’d love to stay here with you, I should probably get back to the house.”
“Why? Is there something more important there?” I wanted to ask if there was another girl, but I was afraid of the answer.
He shook his head, taking my hand and lacing our fingers. “Red, there is no one more important than you. I need to leave because if I don’t, I’m not sure if I can control myself. Neither of us will get any studying done and it’ll just end up with you on your back all night.”
“But what if that’s what I want?”
He leaned over, gently kissing my lips. “As much as I want to give you everything that you want, I’m going to have to decline. For now.” He stood back up and walked to the door. “Happy studying, Red.”
And then he left. Leaving me alone with my gnocchi and the need for a cold shower.
Chapter 22
Finals are the excuse that colleges use to torture students. They say it’s to test them on everything they’ve learned for the semester, but really it’s just to find something to either make or break students.
The classes in my English major had final papers, so no tests for them, but I still had three other classes that required final tests. I’d always been a good student, but I’d started missing a lot of classes with everything that was going on physically. The distraction of John also didn’t help.
His texts were even more frequent. I wondered if this meant we were exclusive and if he considered me his girlfriend. I knew I didn’t want to be with anyone else, but I couldn’t tell him that. I was still trying to keep everything in check. I was falling way too hard.
I picked up my Spanish book. My final was Saturday morning at eight. Whoever thought of that was seriously nuts, but all of the foreign language finals were scheduled on a Saturday, which also meant that I had a little over a week to finish all of my online homework and then hopefully understand enough Spanish to pass a scantron test.
My phone buzzed again and I expected it to be a text from John, but instead Monica’s face was smiling back at me. I unlocked the phone and answered it.
“Hey, people actually still have conversations on these things?”
Monica laughed at the other end. “Yeah, yeah. I’m driving and I didn’t want to text and drive.”
“Should you be talking and driving?”
“I’m doing it aren’t I? Don’t argue with me, I’m calling to see if you want a study date.”
I put my worksheet in my Spanish book and closed it. “You aren’t going to study with Trey?”
“Have you ever tried to study with Trey?” Her turn signal beeped in the background. “Don’t get me wrong, I love the guy, but we either end up arguing politics or making out and I actually need to get something done. That’s why I’m calling you because you’re the best motivator.”
I wished I still had the motivation I used to. At the beginning of the school year I did nothing but go to classes and work. Now all I thought about was John and cancer. I still had another biopsy after finals and I was eager to get the results and just get back to normalcy. Well, as normal as I could be.
“Yeah. I guess we can motivate each other. Where to?”
“Wanna just hit the library? I’m heading back from the grocery store, so I can meet you there in like half an
