“And what the hell kind of texts are those?” I turned around to see that Monica was looking over my shoulder.
“We’re just playing some weird question game. It’s silly.” I slid my phone back into my pocket.
“Text flirting isn’t silly.” Monica blinked. “You know the guy’s completely in love with you. I know I wasn’t sure about you two together, but the way he looked at you when you were going into surgery, it was raw. He has some deep feelings for you.”
“Really?” I raised my eyebrows. He did come to my surgery and I knew he liked me, but I still had my doubts. The guy cared about me, that was for sure, but I was afraid that if I gave my whole heart to him then he could possibly shatter it completely.
“Come on, Mel! Like you don’t see the way he looks at you? Guys like him just don’t casually start hanging out with a girl, without the promise of sex, for no reason. He’s obviously very into you.”
“How do you know we aren’t having sex?” I challenged.
Monica smiled. “Because I got bored waiting for you to get out of surgery and read your discharge papers. You can’t have sex for another three weeks, so obviously neither of you are getting any.”
I looked around the coffee shop and made sure no one was listening to our conversation. It seemed almost every customer had a book out and was studying. Finals were coming up and everyone was trying to cram everything from the entire semester into two weeks. It made for a lot more customers at least.
I leaned in closer to Monica, keeping my voice low just in case anyone popped up. “Okay, so we aren’t having sex. Do you think that’s a bad thing?”
She shook her head. “You don’t need sex in a relationship for it to be real.”
“Even when you’re dating a manwhore who you can’t stop thinking about naked?” I raised my eyebrows.
“I don’t even know how to answer that one.” She leaned against the counter, crossing her arms over her chest. “Are you saying that you’re afraid to have sex with him? Or that you can’t wait to have sex with him? Because I’m really confused.”
I let out a big breath of air through my nose. “This probably isn’t a great conversation to have at work.”
“Well, we already started it, so we might as well finish.”
I groaned and motioned for Monica to follow me toward the kitchen area. There was a swinging door that separated the kitchen from the front register area and I figured less people would be able to hear us back there. Besides, we could still see the customers.
I started talking as soon as we were by the door. “Okay, so it’s weird and probably completely crazy, but I just feel busted.”
“Like your body? Your nose?”
I sighed. “All of me. I’ve always had everything under control in my life, or at least I thought I did. Then all of a sudden I find out about this cancer and I feel like I’m completely shattered and that every time I try and put the pieces back together, they just fall apart again.”
I couldn’t believe I actually voiced the words out loud. I’d been thinking about them for so long, especially after ice skating with John. The truth was, I wasn’t as angry with him as I was with myself. With him, I felt myself lose control and part of me liked the feeling of letting loose. But the other part felt like everything was crumbling and needed to get it back together as soon as possible.
Monica took a step closer, her eyes serious. “You aren’t broken, Mel. I know where your mind is right now and I’ve been there. I also know that you were there for me when I needed to be put back together. Without you and Trey I would still be in that dark place I was in a few months ago and I don’t want you to go there.”
“So what do I do?” My hands and knees were shaking like they were about to give out. All of the emotions were flowing through me at once. If I wasn’t careful I would shatter right there in the middle of the coffee shop.
“You need to get help, Melanie. You can either find a support group or just talk to someone. Talk to me, talk to John. Don’t hold it all in. That’s the worst thing you can do.”
“I know I can talk to you about anything, but it’s different with John.”
Monica shook her head. “It shouldn’t be. If you really care about him and he cares about you, then you have to live with each other for all the dark and the light parts. Relationships are tough, but if they’re real, then they’re worth fighting for.”
Chapter 21
With finals just around the corner, I needed to pick up new shifts at work since the other employees had taken off work to study. This left me little time for anything but sleeping and classes. Between work and studying, I rarely got to see John. It was always in the back of my mind that he was finding another girl to occupy his time and I had to constantly push those thoughts away.
I was sitting in my apartment after a day of work and classes, just hoping to get all of my studying in before midnight, when my phone rang. No one actually called me except my mom and sister, so I considered letting it go to voicemail. But after the second ring I thought it might be the doctor’s office. Sure it was late, but there could have been some news that couldn’t wait until the morning. I sprang up from the couch to answer it.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Red, long time no see.”
I let out a puff of air through my nose and then plopped back on the couch. “Oh, hey, John.”
“That’s all I get? I barely see you outside of class all week and I just get a ‘hey?”
“I’m sorry. I’m just tired and work and studying has been kicking my ass.”
“Then how about a late night snack?”
I blinked. “Um, what?”
Then a knock came at the door. I didn’t even respond to John’s question before I leapt up and answered the door. There he was, standing in my doorway, with a brown paper bag in one hand with the cell phone still up to his ear.
“I have to go, a man with food is at the door,” I said, keeping my eyes on John before I hung up and slid my phone into my pocket.
John held up the bag and put his phone down. “Hungry?”
“It’s nine o’clock at night and I have to work tomorrow.” I stared at the brown bag and realized that my stomach was growling. I actually didn’t remember eating dinner or lunch for that matter.
“I’ve missed you, Red. I was just sitting at the house and thinking about you, then I got hungry.” He stepped into my apartment, shutting the door behind him. “So I decided to grab myself some food and if I was going to leave the house anyway, figured I might as well get enough for both of us and come here.”
“You’re too good to me.” I stood on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek.
“I brought gnocchi from Mario’s.” He set the bag down on the coffee table before he took a seat on the sofa behind it.
“That’s more of a meal than a snack.” My stomach rumbled so loud that it sounded like it was about to fall out of my shirt.
“And it sounds like you’re hungry, so I’m glad I came with provisions.” He pulled out a round foil container and then another foil wrapping shaped like a tube, which I guessed held Mario’s famous bread.
I plopped down on the couch next to him. “I guess it’s good that you like to feed me.”
He opened the top of the container and the smell of oregano wafted in the air and my mouth watered. “Are you feeling okay? I’m not saying that you look bad, but kind of tired.” He handed me a plastic fork and I immediately took a bite of the potato pasta.
I swallowed the piece and then stuck my fork in another. “Gee, thanks. You look tired, too.”
He didn’t look tired. He looked great as usual. Even in his NorthFace jacket.
“Ouch, Red. You hurt my heart.” He put his hand on his chest.
