About a month ago, Scarlet had been cast in a play. Something experimental in a black-box theater. Something for no pay. Her character was called Truth. Between her job and the play, I barely saw her despite the fact that we lived together. “Anya!” she said. “Wait.”
“Are you going to try to stop me and tell me what a terrible person I am, too?” I asked.
“Of course not. How could I judge anyone, especially you, my darling? I wanted to say be safe and call me when you can.” She put her arms around me. “Also, wish Natty a happy graduation for me.”
Two years ago, I had graduated in a room with a broken-down air conditioner. In contrast, Natty graduated in a garden on the most perfect day in May. Navy-blue and white ribbons hung from the awnings and the trees. Roses were in bloom and their scent perfumed the air. The church kept peacocks, and there were peacock feathers strewn about the grounds, which I found strange but charming. Natty, who had cut her hair into a short bob, was tall and lovely in her pale yellow cap and gown. Next year, she would be going to the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Her valedictory speech was about water and the importance of developing new divining technologies. I loved watching the way other people listened to her. My sister was going to be someone.
People clustered around her after the graduation was over. I was milling about toward the back of the crowd when I felt a hand on my shoulder.
“Annie,” Win said. “How are you?”
I knew Natty had invited him—they had been friends in Boston, and it did not escape my notice that their friendship had outlasted my relationship with Win—and so I was not surprised to see him. He was wearing a light gray three-piece suit. The pants were cut very slim, and he was as handsome as ever. I offered him my hand, and he shook it. “It is good to see you,” I said.
He was carrying a peacock feather and he smelled like citrus and musk. “How are you?” we both said at the same time.
I laughed. “You first. Your dad says you are still thinking about medical school?”
“I can see exactly what type of conversation this is going to be. Yes. Yes, I am.”
“What would you rather talk about?”
“Anything. The weather,” he said.
“It’s a perfect day for a graduation.”
“Your hair.”
“I’m thinking about letting it grow out.”
“Though I don’t have a vote, I would approve of such a plan.”
I picked up the peacock feather. “What’s this?” I asked.
“I’m not sure. Maybe I’ll write my novel with it,” he said.
“Oh yes?” I asked. “What will it be about?”
“Hmm. Bad girl meets good boy. Ambitious father gets in the middle. Girl chooses business over boy. That kind of thing.”
“I think I’ve read that story before,” I said.
“That’s probably because it’s a cliche.”
“What happens in the end?”
“The girl marries someone else. That’s what I’ve heard.” He paused. “Is it true?”
“Yes,” I said, looking away. “But it isn’t what it looks like.”
“Will it look like you walking down an aisle?”
“It will.”
He cleared his throat. “Well, you have always known what you want. You have always known your own heart.”
“Have I?”
“I think so,” he said. “I … I made a mistake two years ago in trying to tell you what to do. I still think I was right, but the reason I liked you in the first place was because you were so independent, so stubborn, and so much yourself. One cannot change Anya Balanchine’s mind about anything. I was wrong even to try.” He looked at my sister, who was talking to one of her teachers at the podium. “You must be so proud.”
“I am.”
“You did everything right, Anya. I know she thinks so, too.”
“I did my best, but I’m sure I made mistakes. I’m glad we are finally talking like this,” I said. “I’ve missed you.”
“Really? I wouldn’t think you missed anyone. You look straight ahead into the future, and you don’t look back. Besides, I know you haven’t suffered for company these last two years. Theo Marquez, Yuji Ono.”
“You haven’t either! Natty says you have a different girlfriend every time she sees you.”
“That ought to make you feel important. I’m serious about no one.” He looked at me. “You ruined me,” he said in as playful a way as it is possible to make such a remark. “I was hoping I’d see you today. I’ve had something I’ve wanted to say to you for a while, but then the years pass, and things go unsaid. The truth is, I read about your club sometimes.”
“You do?”
“I like to keep up. But that’s the context, not the point. What I wanted to tell you is how very proud of you I am.” He took my hand in his. “I don’t know if it will even matter to you, but I wanted to have said it.”
I was about to reply that of course it mattered to me, but at that moment, Natty joined us. “Win,” she said, “come to lunch with us!”
“I can’t,” he said. “Your speech was great, kid.” He took a small box out of his pocket and handed it to her. “For you, Natty. Congratulations again.”
He embraced Natty and then shook my hand. Natty and I watched him walk away. I was still holding his peacock feather. I almost called after him, but decided not to.
At lunch, Natty unwrapped Win’s gift. It was a small silver locket in the shape of a heart. “He still sees me like a little kid,” she said. She stuffed the box into her purse. “What did you two talk about today?”
“Old times,” I said.
“Fine. Don’t tell me,” she said. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you to Japan? You
“It’s going to be more like a business meeting.”
“That’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“Natty. I’ve decided.” I took out my calendar. “You have camp”—she was a counselor—“and then college. I’ll be back in September to help you set up your dorm room, okay?”
“Annie, I’m worried about you. I don’t think you know what you’re getting into.”
“I do, Natty. Listen, people get married for many different reasons. There are only two things that matter to me in this world, and the first is my family—you and Leo—and the second is my work. I’m not romantic, so getting married for a reason other than love doesn’t matter as much to me as it might to someone else. What’s making me feel bad right now is you looking at me with that tragic expression.”
“You
“I was a teenager then. It was different.”
“You’re still a teenager until August,” she reminded me.
“Technically.”
Natty rolled her eyes. “Even if it is a sham, take pictures, would you? The way things are going, it might be my only chance to see you in a wedding dress.”
XV
I CONTINUE TO EXPERIMENT WITH ANCIENT FORMS OF TECHNOLOGY; DISCUSS THE USE AND MEANING OF LOL
WHEN I ARRIVED IN TOKYO, an entourage of ten representatives of the Ono Sweets Company met me. All wore dark suits. Two women carried signs that said BALANCHINE. After a great deal of
