through the pages of your akashic record, that is, your memory records of the past, she did not select a lifetime which the two of you had shared.'
'Why not?' I asked.
Carol answered, 'Don't you realize that if she had shown you only the happy moments of completion between the two of you, there would have been no micro challenges to overcome?'
'You mean,' I said, 'like my problem of giving up my desires for you?'
'Yes,' she replied. 'After all, if she had helped you to relive only moments you had shared with her, you would not have remembered your past life with me and you would not have this overwhelming desire for me.'
'My God!' I exclaimed. 'She knew that she was intensifying my desires for you. She deliberately set up this problem.'
'Let's more accurately say that you set it up in order to help yourself overcome the difficulty you have-in letting go of micro situations and relationships,' Carol answered. 'Lea knew that if she didn't help you overcome this problem you would not be able to achieve level-three awareness and you would be separated for at least another lifetime. And remember, she can recall the joy of Macro immersion with you, a twin soul. Yet she chose to give this up so that you might attain a greater goal-union with her and the Macro society for the rest of this lifetime.
'And if I don't achieve level-three awareness,' I responded 'she'll have sacrificed herself for nothing.'
'Not for nothing, Jon. For growth.
'And not herself. Just a few days, weeks, or months of one lifetime. She knows that there are many more- or, converting it from our simultaneous-time concept to your linear-time concept-there will be many more. Besides, every failure is a success, and I'm sure that Lea doesn't forget that very often.'
I nodded. 'Even if I fail, she'll be able to accept it as bringing me that much closer to success. However, unless I have attained a rather high level of awareness, I won't be able to accept my failure in spite of the fact that I intellectually know I should.'
'Tonight as we go to sleep,' Carol suggested, 'let's ementally reaffirm our plan for our growth.'
'All right,' I said. 'I understand that we get what we really inwardly want most, so I guess it makes good sense to be specific about our intent.'
'First,' Carol began, 'we will be joyously accepting of what is, knowing that it is our own perfect creation.
'Second, we will, in our daily activity, walk with an open hand-that is, we will 'hold on to' nothing.
'Third, we will accept every opportunity for growth and do our best to learn the lesson it offers.
'Fourth, we will live constantly in the joy of our macrocosmic oneness with all-or, stated within your concept of time-all that is, all that was, and all that ever will be.
'Let's keep these intentions, these paths, lightly and joyously within our essence as we drift off to sleep.'
As I was falling asleep, I hoped that Carol was having better success than I in convincing myself that I had the strength and understanding to resolve our problem. I wanted it resolved, but I didn't want to pay the price. No matter how I argued with myself, I couldn't give up my anxiety about losing Carol.
Finally, exhausted from the struggle, I fell asleep.
CHAPTER 11: Neda
I awakened to the sound of Karl closing the door as he left for his class: It was early, only 7:45. I lay back in bed and wished that Carol was beside me. I wished that I had the power to pull her through time 174 years to the now of my apartment.
I had to smile at the thought of what a sensation Carol would make if I took her to the student union-her magnificent six-foot-three-inch body, her face of incredible classic beauty, and her tremendous joy and vitality would really stir things up. Talk about riots! I could see micro man fighting savagely just to get close to her.
And how would I feel? Well, I thought, from my limited micro perspective, I wouldn't want to share her with anyone, so I wouldn't even let her step out of the apartment!
I finally decided that it was a good thing I couldn't transport Carol to 1976 because 1976 wasn't ready for her, and while I was in 1976 I probably wouldn't be ready for her, either.
This last thought made me wonder what would happen when Carol and I went to Micro Island. Of course, the inhabitants would be used to seeing members of the Macro society, but they often tried to kill these visitors. How would I react if someone tried to kill Carol? I didn't have to think very long about my answer-I would fight and even kill, if I had to, in order to protect her.
Oh, that's great, I thought, now I'm going to Micro Island to perform like a medieval knight errant fighting for the life and honor of his fair lady.
I shook my head in amused frustration. Where Carol was concerned, I was developing some very micro feelings. I decided that I had better practice my Macro powers with micro people today and see if I could do better, than I had at the supermarket. Maybe I could learn how to comfortably deal with micro people before I went to Micro Island. After all, 1976 offered me an ample supply to practice on!
By the time I was through eating I had decided that when I finished writing in my journal I would go looking for threatening situations and see if I could learn to handle them.
Three hours later I was sitting at a table in the seemingly always crowded student union cafeteria drinking hot chocolate and trying to telepathically tune in to the people about me.
At first I picked up the usual micro concerns such as fear about semester. exams, excitement over this evening's basketball game or date, money worries, or frustrations at not being more successful with others. This last frustration was often sexual, particularly from the table full of men near me who were wistfully eyeing the girls as they passed by. It was their scornful sneers at one of the girls who passed that caused me to look up to see the object of their contempt.
She was a tall, thin girl, so gaunt that she appeared almost emaciated. Her hair was long and straight without any luster and hung in untidy disarray about her shoulders. Her face with its bony nose was one of the most unappealing I had ever seen. Her clothes were too loose, too long, and so nondescript that they seemed to hang on her like burlap bags.
I reached out and made contact with her mind and quickly withdrew. Never had I experienced such sadness, such misery, such bitter hopelessness. I shook my head to clear it of the repugnance, then looked at her again.
She was sadly looking about for an empty table where she could be somewhat away from others. It was close to noon and almost all the tables were filled except my small one, which had space for another person across from me. I decided to have her sit at my table. I reached out with my mind and willed her to look at me. She did and I smiled at her, gesturing at the empty seat across from me. She looked behind her and to her side to see if I wasn't addressing someone else, then looked at me with a bewildered and pathetically uncertain gaze. I sent out a flood of warm, confident, accepting thoughts. The change in her expression was slow in coming, but when it came I saw the beginnings of an incredulous look of hope.
I got up as she approached my table and helped her with the tray upon which she was precariously balancing a bowl of soup and a glass of milk. She thanked me in a low whisper, seated herself quickly, and proceeded to occupy herself with her soup, using it almost as a barrier to hide behind.
I continued to bombard her mind with the most loving and accepting thoughts that I could generate.
After about five minutes of my intense struggle to overcome her mental despair and chronic suspiciousness I began to achieve some success. She was feeling much more comfortable with me and was beginning to steal occasional glances at my face. It was then that I decided to try talking with her.
'I'm Jon Lake,' I said. 'I'm working on my doctorate in psychology.'
She looked up at me with a startled expression. I could feel her uncertainty as to how to respond. I smiled my most engaging smile and said, 'I guess you're not sure how to take my talking to you when we've never met
