“What could we do? Please tell me.”
“Your friend will have to take care.”
“What would they do to him if they knew he had written to me?”
“Most certainly make a eunuch of him. They may do that in any case.
That is the fate of a number of young men who are sold to the pashas.
They are put into the gardens and there for a while they are normal young men, but if they are needed to work in the harem . well, how could he trust a normal young man among so many women? Hence the eunuchs. It would very likely be the fate of your friend. He will not be in the gardens for ever. Eunuchs make good servants. They can go among the harem women without temptation. “
“I cannot see what can be done.”
“You will do what you are told to do. You must remember that if you start this … you may be discovered and if you are … anything would be better.”
“I wonder if Simon will be ready to take such risks. When I think what might happen to him …”
“If you are going to escape,” she said, ‘you must not dwell on failure. Soon Rani will send you to the Pasha. Remember that. “
I was silent, wondering how I could endure such a fate. Moreover, Nicole was talking in riddles. What plans could there be?
She was vague. Sometimes I thought she was talking so to comfort me.
As the days passed, my apprehension naturally grew greater. I told myself that I must in due course face the inevitable.
The Pasha was back. I noticed Rani’s eyes on me, speculatively. She rubbed her hands together with a certain satisfaction and I knew the time had come; and when the Chief Eunuch visited Rani that evening I knew my fate had been decided.
As was the custom, five others were selected with me, for it would not do for Rani to choose for the Pasha; he must make his own decision as to which one he would honour.
Among the five was a very pretty young girl whose name I discovered was Aida. She must have been about twelve years old slender but just budding into womanhood; she had long dark hair and big eyes which managed to combine an impression of virginal innocence and dawning knowledge which I imagined would be very attractive to a man whose senses might well be jaded by excess.
I was interested in Aida because I was pinning my hopes on her. I felt certain that she had a good chance of being selected. The girl was so excited; she danced round the gardens, making no secret of her glee.
Fatima grumbled that she was already giving herself airs.
I said to Nicole: “She is very pretty. Surely he will prefer her?”
Nicole shook her head.
“Pretty, yes … but so are hundreds of others … and very like her.
All the same hair . eyes . delight . eagerness. You will stand out among them. And the Chief Eunuch says the Pasha is very interested in England. He admires the English Queen. “
All of which depressed me and I felt sick with fear. What was the Pasha like? He must be fairly young. He had only recently become his father’s heir. He spoke a little English, so Nicole had learned from the Chief Eunuch. Perhaps I could talk to him . interest him in England, become a sort of Scheherazade, holding him off with my interesting tales of English life.
That day seemed endless. There were moments when I almost convinced myself that I was dreaming. How could this be happening to me? How many girls living quietly conventional lives in England had suddenly found them selves transported to a Turkish harem?
Then I told myself I must prepare for my fate. The Pasha would notice the difference in me. First I must pray that he did not choose me. If he did not, it might be decided that I was unfit for the harem. What then? Perhaps I could persuade them to let me go. Aida was so pretty.
She was so suitable to this way of life, and moreover she enjoyed it.
Rani came to me. It was time for the preparations to begin.
She smoothed my hair with her hands, almost crowing over it. She seized it and pulled it slightly; she stroked it. Then she clapped her hands and two of her girls appeared.
She stood up and beckoned.
I was taken to the bath and submerged under jets of perfumed water.
When I was dry I must lie down while the unguents, smelling of musk and patchouli, were rubbed into my skin. My hair was scented. The smell of it made me feel sick and I knew that I should never smell it again without recalling that numbing fear I felt at that time.
I was dressed in lavender silk garments with the wide trousers caught in at the ankles with jewelled bands. Over the trousers I wore a tunic which fell to the waist. It was in silk with a layer of fine gauze over it. Sequins had been sewn in profusion over the silk and shone mysteriously through the gauzy material, giving a subtle sheen. I had to admit that the costume had great charm.
On my feet were sandals with curled points at the toes. They were in satin and bejewelled.
Then my hair was combed so that it fell about my shoulders and a garland of mauve flowers was put on my head and others about my ankles. My lips were reddened, my eyes carefully lined with kohl so that they looked enormous and a deeper blue.
I was ready for submission.
Wild thoughts came into my mind. What would happen if I refused to go, or if I tried to escape from the harem? How? The gates were locked and guarded by the Pasha’s eunuchs . big men, all chosen for their size. How could I escape?
I had to face the truth. There was no escape.
Rani took my hand and shook her head at me. She was admonishing me for some reason. It must be because I looked so miserable. She was telling me to smile, to show happiness and appreciation of the great honour which might well be mine this night.
That was something I could not do.
Nicole was standing by. She was one of those who had helped to dress me. She said something to Rani, who appeared to consider.
Then Rani nodded and gave Nicole a key. Nicole left us.
I sat on the divan. I felt quite helpless. I had been brought so far for this. I had a vision of myself . chosen by the Pasha . bearing a child who would be the rival of Samir and Feisal. I had a father who was an important man, a professor attached to the British Museum. I wanted to tell them that, if the Pasha attempted to treat my father’s daughter as though she were a slave girl, there would be trouble. I was English. The great Queen did not allow her subjects to be treated in this way.
I was trying to give myself courage. I knew I was talking a great deal of nonsense to myself. What did these people care who I was? They were the rulers here. I was nothing.
Perhaps I could tell him how eager the other girls were to share his bed. Why not take one of those who were so willing, and let this one go? Would it be possible to explain to him? Would he listen? And if he did, would he under stand?
Nicole came back. She was carrying a goblet in her hand.
“Drink this,” she said.
“You will feel better.”
“No. I won’t.”
“I tell you it will do you good.”
“What is it?”
One of the other girls added her persuasion. She wrapped her arms about herself and swayed to and fro.
“She is telling you that it will make you want love. It will make things easier for you. In any case, it was Rani who ordered it. She thinks you are not eager and the Pasha likes women to be eager.”
A sort of aphrodisiac, I thought.
“I will not,” I said.
Nicole came close to me.
