Untangle Me

Thanksgiving. I climbed off the ladder as I heard my phone chirp.

Kayden: I’ve been told to stop working... I just got a call from the main office.

Me: What? Why?

Kayden: They said there was an issue with my drug test or background check, I didn’t really understand. It’s bullshit. Let me call some of the guys and see what’s up. BRB.

Nothing had changed since his employment with the company began. His past was finally coming back to haunt him even though it had been a year and a half since the incident with his ex-girlfriend, Lisa. There had to be some mistake or a mix-up with the paperwork.

Kayden: Okay… five other people pulled off the job too. Headquarters came in, did an audit, and found an error in my file. I’m fucked, Sophia. I was told they’re cracking down on background. I may not have a job anymore. Fuck.

Me: There must be a mistake. They’ll straighten it out. Don’t panic yet.

I wanted to puke; I became ill with the thought of his world unraveling.

Kayden: I don’t know what I’ll do without work. I need to make some more calls and grab dinner. I’ll call you when I get home, okay?

Me: Yes, love. Take your time.

Sitting on my bed, I chewed my nails, staring at the wall.

What the fuck is he going to do? Where would he go? He lived in company housing after all, would they kick him out?

The thoughts swirling through my mind only heightened my anxiety. I needed to release some stress and decided to go for a run.

Kayden called me hours later.

“Hey,” I said answering the phone.

“Hi, baby doll. I’m making dinner and talking to the guys.” I could hear a chopping noise in the background and loud male voices. “I’ll text you around nine to Skype. We’re talking about work, trying to figure out what the fuck is going on. Is that okay?”

I wrinkled my nose annoyed that I was being brushed off. “Yes, don’t forget about me.”

“Babe, how could I ever forget about you? We’re just having a couple drinks and bullshitting. I’ll text, promise.”

“I love you, Kayden,” I said, wishing I could touch him in this moment.

“I love you, too, baby doll. Talk in a bit.” The line went dead.

I tried to keep myself busy reading books and watching television, but nothing took my mind off the Kayden. He hasn’t sent me a message in hours. I flipped my phone in my hand, debating on sending him a text first, but I couldn’t resist any longer.

Me: Hey it’s almost nine. Are we going to Skype tonight, lover?

Nothing. What the fuck? Kayden has never ignored me. I texted him again, pacing around the room panicking. Silence.

Maybe his cell phone battery died. I sent him a message to his tablet; I called his phone, letting it ring over ten times since he didn’t have voicemail. No answer. My heart sank. What happened to him? We hadn’t missed an evening since we met. He never disappeared. I felt lost and helpless with the distance between us.

My anger started to grow and I needed to calm my nerves. Where was he? Who was he with? I couldn’t let my mind wander and question his faithfulness. Why did I have to be so insecure when it came to Kayden?

I mixed some vodka with whatever else I could find in the fridge, anything to make it slide down easier. I’ve never been a drinker, but I need the edge dulled. I swigged a mouthful of the fruity concoction, closing my eyes, and swallowed. The liquid slid down my throat, warming my body from the inside.

“Hey.” I jumped, startled by Suzy’s voice.

“Jesus, you scared the shit out of me,” I said, almost choking on my drink.

“What’s wrong?” She asked.

“Kayden… He may have lost his job,” I said taking another sip of my drink. “We were supposed to Skype tonight, but he’s disappeared.”

“Wait. What? He lost his job?”

“I just don’t know anything right now. I can’t get in touch with him. I’m going crazy, Suzy.” Suzy sat at the counter and watched me. “He was talking with the guys and making dinner last time I heard from him. That was over three hours ago.”

“I’m sure he’ll call you, Sophia. Kayden adores you, don’t freak out… yet.” She tried to console me.

Her words didn’t help, only making my anger grow. Kayden knew how important seeing him every night had become to me, didn’t he? I’ve slept with my webcam on for over a month, always able to roll over and see him or talk to him… not tonight. I felt unimportant.

Kayden and I had sent songs to express our feelings to each other throughout our relationship. I wanted to hurt him like he hurt me tonight. I selected a song that I knew would be a punch to his gut. I sent him the link to ‘Never There’ by Cake. It’s a brutal song, but conveyed my feelings at the moment perfectly. Let him choke on it for a bit. I hit send.

“Fuck it. I’m going to bed, Suzy.” I couldn’t tell Suzy what I just sent to Kayden. I already regretted it.

“Okay, but he’ll call, it’ll all work out,” she said with sadness in her eyes.

“I’ll see you in the morning. Thanks, Suzy.” I walked towards my room staring at my phone, wishing I could cancel my last message.

I crawled into bed, cocooning myself in the blankets, shutting the world out. My eyes grew heavy from the never ending tears.

I tossed and turned all night, unable to stop my mind from thinking the worst. I checked my phone over a dozen times, but Kayden never replied. I must have drifted off at some point, because the next thing I knew ten a.m. displayed on the clock.

I forced myself to get up; I needed caffeine. I felt numb and my mind hazy. I heard my phone chirp from the kitchen. I turned my attention away from the brewing pot to the hallway. I wanted to run to see if it was Kayden, but I didn’t want to seem too eager. He’s turned me into a crazy person in a short time. I’ve never acted like this before with anyone. I walked slowly to my room and grabbed my phone unable to resist the urge to talk to him any longer.

Kayden: Morning, beautiful. Sorry I fell asleep last night.

How should I respond to him? I didn’t know what to say, or how to deal with someone like him.

Kayden: WTF with the song, babe?

I swallowed hard because I knew it was a scathing song. I knew it would hurt him. When I sent it, I didn’t give a fuck.

Me: It fit how I felt last night. I’m sorry.

Kayden: It’s mean… It starts out sweet, but it was like a slap in the face.

I felt like a total piece of shit. He had a shitty day and I was being a bitch.

Me: You didn’t just fall asleep last night, Kayden.

Kayden: I know. We were talking and drinking and I came in my room to call you, but I must have passed out or fallen asleep.

Me: Why didn’t you call this morning instead of text? Have a hangover?

I knew my remark sounded snide, but I couldn’t stop myself. I wanted to be the one he turned to, he leaned on.

Kayden: A bit. Let me get up and get myself straight and I’ll call you in a bit.

Me: Fine, but don’t forget about me this time.

Kayden: I could NEVER forget about you.

I already felt left behind, forgotten.

Me: Felt like it last night.

Kayden: I’m sorry, Sophia. I’ll make it up to you.

Me: Call me in a bit, I’m going to have some coffee and I have things to do.

Kayden: Ok, baby doll. I’ll talk to you in a bit.