A sense of dread mixes with the filth of why I’m lying in this hospital bed. A sour taste blooms on my tongue as it dawns on me that everyone is going to find out my secret. I reach for the pink cup of water near my side, but Nick gets to it first. Johnny-on-the-spot that one, titling the straw to my eager mouth.
“I’m sorry, Honor. Who’s this man that’s claiming to be your mate?” Sean asks, nonplussed. He’s been in my life for many years, and this is the first he’s hearing of him. I should have told him about Nick sooner, but I didn’t know where it was going. I had no idea he’d want to be with me. As in, the relationship type. And now here he is, holding my hand, petting my cheek, taking up every ounce of personal space I have.
“Um…he’s Nicholas Salerno. My uh…” I let the sentence fall off because we haven’t exactly had that discussion.
“Like I said, I’m her man. Now can you update me on her prognosis?” he demands flippantly, his eyes never leaving mine for a second.
Sean narrows his gaze and then looks to me. His shoulder falls, and he frowns. “I’m afraid I can’t do that. Honor will have to discuss with you what happened on her own terms. Dr. Alexander? Are you done?”
While the men were verbally battling, the good doctor promptly and rather efficiently changed my soiled bandages.
“Thank you,” I murmur, wishing she’d just leave. Wishing they’d all leave so I could wallow in peace.
Sean and Amber exit the room and close the door.
“Fuck, babe.” Nick sits in the chair by my side and brings his face close, kissing me. The gentle press of his lips is worshiping, reaffirming. His kiss speaks of intense relief and concern. When he pulls away, he doesn’t go far, only a few inches from my face. “How did this happen?”
I swallow, firm my resolve, and decide if he knows the truth, maybe he’ll be so disgusted he won’t bother with me anymore. It’s as good a plan as any. He deserves to know what kind of woman he’s committing to.
Using up every ounce of courage I have, I say the words I’m sure he wouldn’t ever expect to hear.
“I cut myself. I’ve been hurting myself for years. This is just the first time it went too far. Apparently, I passed out last night on the floor in my hotel. The maid found me in a pool of my own blood. She must have called an ambulance.”
Nick clenches his teeth, his jaw firming into what looks like chiseled granite. I continue undaunted. If it gets him to leave me alone, free himself of the nonsense that he should be with me, then all the better.
“Sean Tillman, the doctor who was here, is my dead brother’s ex-boyfriend. He used to be family. Now I don’t know what he is. So that’s it. You can leave now.” I inhale slowly. “Nick, you don’t need or deserve any of this.”
He scowls before responding. “How’s about you shut it and let me decide what I need!” His voice is hard, firm, and without a hint of where he’s headed with his thoughts on what I’ve just said.
To say I’m frightened to hear his reaction is an understatement. I’d rather have holes drilled in my teeth than listen to him tell me how horrible I am or see the pity in his eyes. It’s a look I’d recognize anywhere because my mother gives me the same one anytime I’m within touching distance. Whatever he has to say and throw my way, I’ll take. I deserve whatever disgust and disappointment he’s going to spew anyway. I’ll store it all inside. I’ll need it in order to let him go.
“What led to what took place last night?” His question is calm and direct. Not a lot of emotion, which I appreciate.
I lick my lips and focus on his gaze, trying to make sense of his question. “Each time is different. Last night went too far.”
“That’s not what I asked, Dove, now is it?” His words this time come in a bear-like growl. “I asked what happened yesterday to spur this action? The night before you were fine. We talked on the phone. You said you had an appointment in the morning and would come to the gym to start work. You didn’t show. I worried. You didn’t answer your phone. I had no way to contact you. I was out of my mind, Honor. I knew with my entire being something was wrong and had no fucking way to fix it. Do you know what that’s like?”
If the bed wasn’t holding me up, I’d have fallen through the ground. “Nick…I’m sorry. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind.”
He curls his hand around my neck and swipes at a tear falling from my cheek. “I get that. But the only way I found you was by calling every hospital until one of them had a patient with your name. Do you have any idea how fucking scared I was? Do you, Honor?” This time his voice is full of emotion. Fear, anger, concern, and a little of something I can’t begin to define.
“Nick…”
He cuts me off before I can genuinely apologize.
“No, Honor. I want to know what happened before you hurt yourself. The straight-up truth.”
Tears cloud my vision as I think back to yesterday. I started the day out happy. Excited, even. “I, uh, went to see my psychologist. Dr. Hart.”
He tips his chin up and sets a heavy hand to my thigh and the other to my shoulder. It’s as if he can’t stop touching me. “Monet Hart?”
I close my eyes and take a
