It takes everything in my not to hit something. “Like you, I wish Sarah was in our lives, but she’s not and we’re doing the best to make a go at it,” I say, refusing to discuss Rachel with her. Rachel deserves better than that from me.
The stairs creak, a splitting little sound that races down my spine. I jerk my head around and catch sight of Rachel’s ankles before she closes the upstairs door.
“Jaxon,” Karl begins.
“If you want to see Cassie, take her out for a few hours, I’m sure she’d love that.”
Two sets of eyes stare at me in shock. I rarely push back, after all, they lost a daughter in all this, but I’ve just about had enough of their bullshit.
“We’d love to spend the day with her,” Karl says, then lowers his voice and adds, “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” I say. Clearly, on some level, they understand I could keep Cassie from them if I wanted. But I’d only be hurting my child, and I’d never in a million years want to do that to her.
I hurry up the stairs, and go down the hall in search of Cassie. She’ll be happy to know her grandparents are here. My steps slow when I hear voices coming from her room.
“Rachel,” Cassie begins quietly, in that mature voice reserved for when she has something important to say. I want her to remain an innocent child for as long as possible, but there are times I realize she’s more grown up than I’d like.
“Yeah, kiddo,” Rachel says using my nickname for my daughter. It brings a smile to my face.
“Grandma and Grandpa told me my mommy is going to come home.”
Rage goes through me. Fuck, man, they had no right to say that to her, or get her hopes up in any way. I make a mental note to have a little talk to them when I go back downstairs. I’m about to enter the room, but stop when Rachel stills, and I get the sense she stopped breathing.
“I…heard. That’s great news, Cassie.” I catch sight of my two girls sitting on the bed, Rachel combing out her hair.
Cassie scrunches her face up the way she always does when she’s deep in thought. “But I want you to be my mommy, Rachel.”
15
Rachel
As November bleeds into December, there has been no sign of Sarah and I’m not sure how I feel about that. Cassie said she wanted me to be her mother, but Jaxon flat out said to his in-laws that he wishes Sarah was back in their lives. My mind races back to that day on Cassie’s bed, when she made that statement. I was shocked by her words, maybe even more shocked to glance up and see Jaxon in the doorway. He had a strange look on his face, one I’d never seen before. I must have had that same look on my face, because the one thing we didn’t want happening was, well…happening. Cassie was growing close to me, looking at me as a mother figure, and that was something we’d been trying to avoid.
But I want that.
Jaxon still loves his ex.
My stomach cramps at that. I am so freaking stupid. This was just supposed to be an affair. I wasn’t supposed to fall for this man or his daughter.
I flip the page on my textbook, and try to concentrate, but the house is quiet, too quiet. A loud bang sounds outside—something like a trash can tipping over—and I glance up from Jaxon’s kitchen table. It’s mid-week, and there are no parties going on at my place. I laugh at that. My place. I’m paying rent for a room I barely use. I walk quietly across the floor and glance out into the darkness. My heart jumps into my throat when I see movement near the bushes. I leap back, and take a few deep breaths. When will I ever stop worrying that my ex has found me?
Probably never.
I take a few quick breaths to calm myself and check the clock. It’s nearing seven, but with the days growing shorter, the nights are that much longer—and darker. It’s a school night, which means Jaxon and Cassie should be back soon. They’ve been disappearing a couple times a week. Daddy/daughter things, Jaxon explained, without telling where they’ve been and really, is it any of my business?
Heck, maybe Sarah is back and they are sneaking out to see her. As old insecurities and fears creep their way back in, I push them down. Jaxon is a good man. He’d never do something so devious. Right? Besides, Cassie would come straight out and tell me that she’s been seeing her mom. That little girl doesn’t have a dishonest bone in her body. But then again, she’s been acting a bit strange and secretive too.
A lump forms in my throat, and warning bells urge me to end this now. To stop playing house with Jaxon and his daughter. Yeah, I should close my books, pack up my clothes and head next door. Once there, I should give my room to one of the other girls to avoid seeing him moving around in his room shirtless.
So why aren’t I doing any of that?
God, I am so pathetic.
I should leave. I should leave right now.
A car door slams followed by Cassie’s voice. “Daddy, that was fun.”
“It’s our secret, remember?”
My heart falls into my stomach. Why do they have a secret? What is it that they don’t want me to know? I’m not sure, but as a chill goes through me, I fold my arms across myself and hug.
They entered through the front door, and the second Jaxon sees me, he goes into warrior mode. “Rachel, what is it?”
God, what do I tell him? That I’ve fallen for him and his daughter. That I’d like to make what we’re doing here permanent. I can’t say those things. Jaxon asked me to stay on as the nanny and never
