Cassie chats endlessly as we eat and once we’re done, I take in the sauce all over her face. “Someone needs a bath,” I say.
“I can do it,” Rachel says.
“Nah, you go relax. It’s your birthday celebration, and don’t even think about doing the dishes.”
She grimaces as she glances around the mess of the kitchen. “It looks like a hurricane tore through here.”
I move close to her, as Cassie darts down the hall. “Leave it, Rach. Grab a glass of wine and go relax. Once I get Cassie bath and settled in bed, we need to talk.”
“You said that already.”
“I know.”
I leave her in the kitchen and listen to her pour another glass of wine and make her way into the living room. The TV flicks on and I relax as I pour Cassie’s bath, giving her extra bubbles.
“I love bubbles, Daddy.”
“I know you do, kiddo.”
“Daddy?”
Oh, boy. Cassie’s using her serious voice which means this conversation is about to take a turn. “What is it?” I ask as I soak the wash cloth and take it to her face.
“How come Rachel can’t be my mommy?”
How was that for a loaded question.
“You have a mommy,” I say, but deep down, I want the same thing my daughter wants. I just hope after I tell Rachel how I feel, she’ll want it all too.
“But I don’t know my mommy. Grandma said she was coming back, but she didn’t. Does mommy not like us, Daddy?”
“Mommy just had some things she needed to do.”
“Gina has a mommy and daddy.”
“I know she does.”
“I want that, Daddy. I want a Mommy and a Daddy.”
“I know you do, Cassie.” I grab one of her water rubber duckies and toss it in, then I make an engine sound as I race it through the bubbles. Cassie laughs.
“That’s not what a ducky sounds like,” she explains, her mood changing.
“Why don’t you show me then.”
She takes the duck and as she quacks, the front door bell rings. I check my watch. Who the hell could that be?
“I’ll get it,” Rachel calls out.
I crane my neck to hear who is at the door. While I’m curious, I’m not about to leave Cassie in the tub my herself. I hear muffled voices, then Rachel’s footsteps in the hall. Her eyes are wide, her skin pale when she enters the room.
I stand, my pulse jumping. “What’s going on?” She points toward the front door, her gaze hesitant as she looks from me to Cassie back to me. “Rachel?”
“You…ah…you have company.”
She doesn’t need to say more for me to know who’s at my door. I wipe my hand on the towel. “Would you mind getting Cassie out of the tub for me and take her to her room, please?”
“Okay.”
As Rachel tends to Cassie, I take a deep, fueling breath and step into the hall. I take in the slim figure at my doorway, long blond hair that is now cut short, and features that have hardened over time.
“Sarah,” I say as I close the distance. I look into her eyes, check her pupils.
“Hey Jay,” she whispers quietly, seductively, going from one foot to the other as she looks past my shoulders, but no fucking way am I letting her near Cassie until I get some answers. “You look good.”
I take in her sunken cheek bones, the way she’s nervously licking her lips. “Have you been by to see your parents?”
“Not yet.” She shuffles some more. “Can we talk?”
“I think that’s a good idea, but it will have to wait until I get Cassie to bed.”
Long lashes blink slowly over blue eyes. “Can I see her?”
“No,” I say flatly, as anger wells up inside me. My first priority is keeping Cassie safe and well-adjusted. If she thinks I’m just going to spring her one my little girl, she’s got another thing coming.
“I guess I screwed everything up,” she says and gives a nervous laugh as she finger-combs her hair. That’s when I notice the rings on her fingers.
I’m about to ask why the fuck she still has her wedding rings on, when Cassie calls out to me. “I’ll be right there, kiddo,” I say, and wave my hand for Sarah to take a seat in the living room. “I’ll put Cassie to sleep, then we’ll talk.”
She nods and gingerly lowers herself onto the sofa. As she takes in the room, Cassie’s toys on the floor, I hurry to my daughter, a million questions banging around my brain. Rachel has Cassie all tucked in, a book in her hand. She stands when I enter, her hands a bit shaky as she crosses her arm.
“Hey,” she says. “I should go.”
I grip my hair and tug. I don’t want her to go. We need to talk, but I also have to talk to Sarah. We have a lifetime of things to figure out.
She makes a move to go around me and I touch her arm to stop her. “I didn’t know she was going to show up, Rachel.”
“I know.”
“I’m sorry about this.” She sniffs and averts my gaze. “Let me get things straightened out here, then I’ll call you, okay? We need to talk.”
“Okay,” she says, and turns to Cassie. “Bye, Cassie,” she says and disappears out the door.
Bye, Cassie.
Jesus fucking Christ, why would she say it like that—like she’s leaving here—us—for good.
17
Rachel
Numb.
That’s the only word I can use to describe what I’m feeling as I rush down the hall and out of Jaxon’s house, once and for all. In my haste, I fail to grab the mittens they made me, but maybe it’s better that I leave them behind. Wearing them would be a constant reminder of what I can’t have.
I try to sort things through, my thoughts still forming within the scrambling haze. One thing is for certain, I believe Jaxon had no idea his
