‘See, it’s easy,’ I’d muttered as Mervie wandered into the kitchen.
Suddenly my tiny sense of triumph had evaporated. How could I be sitting here, making cakes, feeling pleased with myself when Mum was dead? Mum couldn’t make cakes, or fail to make them, anymore. She couldn’t feel happy or laugh or hold someone or love someone.
I’d thrown the slice down onto the plate. Tears had built behind my eyes as I stood, strode over to the bin, pressed on the pedal and slid the whole thing in. Not everyone could make a bloody cake, they just bloody well couldn’t.
The counsellor worked out of a red brick building on the main street of Craigsville. We walked into a small waiting room, the walls of which were plastered with health posters and reminders. Have you had your mammogram? Kevin came inside with me and sat, hands joined in his lap, until they called me. He’d even shaved and put on a clean shirt for the occasion. I bet he thought I would somehow appear less unstable if he wore freshly laundered clothes, courtesy of Leanne.
A woman walked into the foyer and Kevin stood up. I took out my earbuds.
‘I’m Helena. We spoke on the phone.’ She extended her hand.
‘Kevin.’ He shook hands with the middle-aged woman, who was his equal in height. Her grey hair spoke of experience, her sensible black trousers of business, her soft eyes of empathy.
‘And you must be Sunny.’
I felt queasy as she led me away to her office, leaving Kevin twiddling his giant thumbs in the waiting room.
I’d already made up my mind to not give anything away and to appear as normal as possible, but I was having trouble getting it together. I folded my arms across my chest as she lowered herself into the swivel chair opposite me.
Helena started off casually. ‘So, how are you getting on, Sunny?’ She lifted her glasses to the top of her head and rubbed her eyes as if she’d already had a busy day, though it was only nine in the morning.
‘I’m fine.’ If she had reached out to touch me at that moment she would have felt the buzz of my electric fences.
‘Look, this is a bit tricky, isn’t it? I don’t know you and you don’t know me. I can’t imagine what you must be going through right now.’
I shrugged and began itemising the objects on her desk. She had a snow globe of the Great Barrier Reef. A snow globe, really? Little blue, red and green fish had sunk to the bottom and I had an urge to lift it up and shake them back to life, just to see the snow fly. Or was it supposed to be sand?
‘Sunny. I know you don’t want to be here, but if you give me a chance then you can decide whether or not you want to come back.’
I looked up then. Come back? Surely this was a one-off, just to please Kevin and Mr Greenwood. Who was this woman anyway? She’d said it herself: she didn’t know me.
‘You can think about it,’ she continued, ‘after we’ve had our chat today.’
I shrugged and returned my gaze to the Great Barrier Reef.
‘You’re probably thinking I can’t help you, but I’m not just one of those people who think they know how you feel. I admit it. I don’t.’
I looked up at her again. ‘Actually, I’m completely fine. I didn’t need to come here.’
‘Well, I’m glad you’re fine, that’s good,’ she nodded, smiling, and then frowned. ‘Have you got a friend, Sunny? Someone you can talk to? Besides Kevin, I mean.’
It pleased me that she didn’t call him my dad. I awarded her half a point for that.
‘Yeah.’ My mind raced, taking an inventory of my friends. It didn’t take long: Evie and Mia weren’t around, so that left Matt, Leanne and Zara. I didn’t want to be mean, but I wasn’t sure I could count Zara as a real friend, Leanne was in her forties and Matt had a big fat question mark after his name. Anyway, it didn’t matter. This shrink didn’t have to know that I hadn’t confided anything to anyone. I decided to name Matt as my friend.
‘Is he a school friend?’ she said.
‘Actually, no. I just met him, but he’s nice.’
She moved on. ‘Kevin says you have a farm. How are you spending your holidays?’
‘There’s not much to do.’ She looked at me, expecting more. ‘I go to the creek a bit.’
‘The creek.’
‘Yeah, Constant Creek. The waterhole.’
‘Oh, yes. I know it. Beautiful place. Do you go there with Matt or your other friends?’
Friend.
‘Yeah, sometimes,’ I said. I was being careful with the truth again. ‘Can I ask you something?’
‘Of course,’ she smiled, maybe sensing a small win.
‘Will you tell Kevin what I say?’
‘No, Sunny. This is between us. But Kevin tells me you haven’t been your usual self and I want to try to help you with that.’
I have to admit, I rolled my eyes at that point, but Helena ignored it and continued with her questions.
‘I’m doing alright,’ I said, after successfully deflecting her next few attempts.
‘Okay, well that’s good.’ She leafed through some papers. ‘Mr Greenwood mentioned you had seen something a bit strange.’
I shifted in the seat. Bloody Greenwood.
‘He said you thought you saw your mother – after she died.’
My body stiffened. I didn’t know where to look so I crossed my arms, playing the part of the hostile teenager like a pro.
‘Have you had any more visions like that?’
‘No, it was nothing. Must’ve just been my imagination.’
She nodded. ‘Well, in
