I tried to hide my surprise at this. It had a name. Greenwood had been onto something after all. ‘Well, it hasn’t happened again,’ I said. ‘I’m not one of those “I see dead people” people.’ I held my fingers up in air quotes.
Had I actually said that?
She didn’t smile and continued asking questions, trying to open me up, but I have to admit, I was pretty good at that game. I’d had lots of practice.
‘Well, maybe we can talk again,’ she said finally. ‘I’d like that.’
‘Maybe,’ I mumbled.
‘Look, I am going away for the Christmas holidays, but I’ll be back in a few weeks,’ she added. ‘We can make another appointment then, if you’d like. Just let the receptionist know on the way out.’
‘I’ll think about it, just like you said.’
She called Kevin in and they spoke while I waited in the foyer. I hated that they were in there talking about me. Neither of them had a clue what was going on in my head and I had no intention of sharing it. I hoped she kept her promise about the whole thing being between us. I didn’t want her mentioning anything about Matt to Kevin.
She was better than Greenwood, I’d give her that. When Kevin came back into the foyer, he said, ‘We can go back in three weeks, if you want.’
‘If I want?’ I said.
He nodded.
I wasn’t going back. There was no need. But I thought perhaps Kevin should think about making an appointment for himself. By the look on his face, he was barely holding it together.
On the way to the car, I thought about what the counsellor had said about the ‘perceptual distortions’. It gave me some relief to think that it was all in my imagination – the visions of Dylan, the visions of Mum. Maybe it didn’t mean anything at all; it was just my mind playing tricks. But I also felt strangely deflated. Because another part of me must have been thinking that Mum really was there keeping an eye on me.
But what if she wasn’t?
When I heard my phone ping on the way home, my heart did a little leap. Maybe it was Matt finally replying. I knew he wouldn’t hold a grudge; he just wasn’t like that. All I needed was a chance to explain things to him. I didn’t want to drive him away by shutting him out. But my heart promptly settled back into place when I saw the name on the screen.
‘Who’s that from?’ Kevin asked.
‘Zara.’
‘About her party tomorrow night?’
I read the message. ‘Yep.’ Oh God, tomorrow was Thursday. How was I going to get out of this?
‘I’ll take you. The counsellor thinks you should get out more. She said it would be good to be around people your own age.’
‘Call her what she is: a shrink,’ I said.
‘There’s nothing wrong with getting some help, Sunny. Things have been hard for you.’
‘It doesn’t matter. I don’t want to go to the party. I had a friend, remember? A real one.’
‘Zara’s your friend.’
‘Not really.’
‘It’s her birthday. I think you should go.’ I knew that tone. It was like with the search. He was going to dig in his heels again, the shrink’s words echoing freshly in his ears. She needs to get out more.
I had no desire to go. Zara was alright, but I didn’t know her family and I’d never really socialised with Kayla; she was Zara’s friend. It would be awkward. I wanted to argue and say that I wouldn’t go, but I had momentarily lost the will to fight him. Suddenly I felt more alone than ever.
I glanced at Zara’s text again.
Don’t forget tomorrow night. Bring Matt if you want. Mum’s invited half the town anyway. 7pm.
The next night Kevin drove me to the Walker place. It was only a couple of minutes up the road but they had a long driveway, like ours, that wound through the forest and over some creek beds. Kevin was quiet, his mind somewhere else.
‘Let me know when you want to get picked up,’ he said when we pulled up outside what can only be described as a homestead.
‘You’re not staying?’ I said.
‘No.’
I looked at all the cars parked in the driveway and on the grass near the house. ‘Oh.’
‘I’m not really in the mood,’ he added, rubbing a finger across his upper lip.
‘But I have to go? You do see the hypocrisy here. I mean, you’re not in the mood but I have to …’
‘I’ll come back at ten.’
‘That’s three hours. Can’t you come and get me in an hour?’
‘An hour?’ Kevin was staring through the windscreen again. ‘You might enjoy it.’
‘Two then?’
‘Okay.’ He pointed to the lights coming from the back garden. ‘They’ll be round the back.’
‘Seems to be a lot of town people here.’ I indicated the four-wheel drives.
‘Yeah. Seems like it.’ Kevin leant across me and opened my door.
After he drove away I stood for a moment taking in the heavy summer night. The Walker property reeked of money, from the double-storey Queenslander with wraparound verandas to the carefully arranged spotlights lighting up the giant gum trees in the front yard.
I walked through the landscaped gardens to the backyard. Sprinklers hissed among the bushes, creating the damp smell of long-forgotten rain. On the patch of grass beyond the perfectly rectangular lawn, a bonfire whipped at the sky. The adults were gathered in a paved area behind the house while a group of kids were sitting around one side of the fire, no doubt driven back by the heat that I could feel on my cheeks as I approached. It was summer, after all, and still about thirty degrees even though the sun was long gone.
‘Sunny!’ Zara jumped up and ran over to me.
‘Hi.’ I handed her the small gift I’d bought at the antique store in town: a little jewellery box.
‘Thanks,’ she said, grabbing
