‘Where are you when I need you? Can’t you just give me a sign? Something? I mean, one minute you’re appearing in front of me and then when I really need you, you’re nowhere.’
Mervie stared at me with that puzzled ‘You talking to me?’ look dogs get when they’re not sure what you’re saying. I shifted on the love seat and a hot gust of wind sent an eddy past the front steps of the house. It unravelled and the dust fell to the ground.
‘Mum?’ I said, looking at the steps.
I covered my face with my palms. ‘Jesus, Mary and Joseph.’
I woke to the sound of the washing machine on spin cycle, the floorboards vibrating as though the house was about to blast off.
‘Morning,’ Leanne called from the laundry as I stumbled past, still blind with sleep. ‘Thought I’d throw on a load for you. Can you find a bucket for me, Sunny? I need to soak this shirt of Kevin’s.’
‘Okay.’ I was not surprised to see her still there. This was her thing; she was in her element. I squeezed past her in the laundry. ‘I think Mum kept one under here.’
‘Grab it for me, would you? I’ll hang these out.’ She picked up the laundry basket full of wet clothes. ‘Kevin’s still asleep. I hope he hasn’t got concussion,’ she said as she went out through the kitchen.
‘He’ll be fine,’ I said, ducking down and opening the cupboard under the sink. A bucket was shoved in the back, dusty and covered with cobwebs. I reached in and pulled it out, dragging with it a shirt that was snagged on the handle.
I didn’t recognise the shirt, though it was one of the chequered flannelette types that Kevin often wore. As I lifted it up, it refused to unfurl, stuck together at the front with some dark, crusty stain.
It took a moment for my brain to register that it was blood. The shirt appeared small, too small for Kevin, so I pulled the front apart and checked the size.
Boys 14
On the back of the tag in black marker, carelessly written as though he had done it himself, were the initials: DK.
‘I forgot the pegs,’ said Leanne, coming back into the laundry.
I shoved the shirt into the cupboard and slammed it shut. ‘Here.’ I stood up, holding the bucket out to her.
‘Thanks.’ She took it, studying my face. ‘What’s the matter?’
‘Nothing.’ I grabbed the basket of pegs. ‘I’ll hang out the wash.’
Mum had given me a sign after all. A damning sign.
I paced my room, waiting for Leanne to leave. But it seemed that for once she wasn’t too worried about Russell and was in no hurry to get back to him.
Finally, around ten, I heard Leanne and Kevin talking in the kitchen and I tiptoed down the hallway. Kevin was thanking her in mumbled tones.
‘You need to look after yourself,’ Leanne said. ‘And Sunny. I know things have been tough for you, Kevin, but Sunny’s your responsibility now.’
‘I’ve always been responsible for her.’
‘It’s more than that. She needs you.’
Kevin grunted. ‘Sunny needs me?’
‘Yes, of course she does. She’s a sixteen-year-old girl.’
I pressed myself against the tongue-and-groove wall and the cat, who had followed me out of my room, curled around my ankles, purring. I gently kicked him away, but he returned like elastic to my legs.
‘I’m not so sure about that,’ Kevin said.
You got that right.
The floor creaked as Leanne moved around. ‘She’s just a child, Kevin. You’ve got to pull yourself together. If they arrest you, you have to get your story straight. You have to be in control.’
Cutlery and crockery crashed as Kevin slammed something onto the tabletop. I was thinking it was probably one of those huge hands. ‘There is no story to get straight! They can arrest me. I don’t care.’ I heard the chair scrape loudly as he got up. ‘I don’t know what happened to that kid, okay? I don’t bloody know!’
I thought of the bloodied shirt in the laundry.
Yes, you do.
Reggie continued to wind around my legs and I froze when I heard Kevin’s boots on the floorboards.
‘Where are you going?’ Leanne said.
‘To the garage. I need to think,’ he said. ‘And Leanne,’ I could hear him trying to calm his voice, ‘I know you’re only trying to help, but we’ll be okay. You don’t have to keep coming around, doing the washing and making food and all these things … Really, you can go.’
When hearts break, it’s generally a silent thing. And I’m pretty sure that’s what happened to Leanne in that quiet moment before Kevin walked out. He didn’t know how she felt about him at all. He had no idea. I heard footsteps and the screen door bounce shut. A moment later Leanne came down the hallway. She saw me and tried to gather her crumpled face into a normal expression.
‘Sunny. I’m heading home now.’
‘Okay.’
As she approached I could see the tears in her eyes. She tried to cover it up with a bright smile. ‘Everything is going to be alright. I know it,’ she said, placing her arm around my shoulder and giving me a squeeze.
‘Leanne,’ I said, as she walked off down the hall.
She turned. ‘Yes, love?’
‘Bye.’
After she left I went back into the laundry to look at the shirt, thinking that maybe it wasn’t blood after all. I dipped a corner of the material into the bucket where Leanne had Kevin’s shirt soaking. I squeezed it with my fingers until some liquid came out: a distinctive rust red. I lifted it to my nose. My stomach sank. The stain was definitely blood.
I leant back against the sink, the shirt crumpled in my hands. We had Dylan’s bloodied shirt in our laundry. No, make that hidden in our laundry. I knew what this was – evidence – and I knew that it was important. My head spun and I closed my eyes
