‘It was real. I saw it.’
He stared at me, like I was someone he didn’t know. ‘Wait a minute. Let me get this straight. Are you saying you saw something, like a vision?’
‘Yes.’ I grabbed his hand. ‘It was so real, but I didn’t want to tell you because I knew you’d react exactly like this.’
‘Sunny …’
I released my grip. ‘You don’t believe me.’
He looked across the water and then back at me. ‘No, I’m not saying that. I’m trying here. You have to give me a chance to process this.’ He reached out but I waved his hand away.
‘God, I’m so stupid. I told myself I didn’t care if you believed me. I thought if I could just tell you what’s in my head, I’d feel better.’
‘I’m sorry, Sunny.’
‘Don’t apologise. It’s not your fault!’ My voice rose. ‘It’s not my fault either. It’s just not bloody fair.’ The burning of unshed tears was building. ‘I didn’t ask for any of this. And I swear to you, I wouldn’t just make this up! I—’
‘Sunny,’ he looked down at me. ‘Maybe it was just a one-off. You saw something one time and now—’
‘But it’s not a one-off.’ I marched to the edge of the rock, looking across the gorge. I lifted my arm and pointed to the other side with a trembling finger. ‘I saw my mother too, right over there. She’s dead, Matt, dead! But I saw her. Just there, plain as day and that’s why I slipped and hit my head.’ I turned back to him. He stood there pale and rigid. ‘And that wasn’t the only time. I saw her the night I walked home from Zara’s party. She was real, Matt. As real as you standing there right now.’
He searched my eyes. ‘Are you talking about ghosts?’
I stepped toward him and grabbed his arm. ‘Ghosts, spirits, whatever. Maybe it is all in my head. But the point is, my mother is still here.’
‘But why?’
‘It’s obvious, isn’t it? She’s trying to warn me.’
‘About what?’
‘About Kevin.’
‘But …’
‘Oh, just forget it.’ I stormed past him and headed back up the track.
‘Wait.’ He came after me and spun me toward him. ‘I do believe you. Of course I do.’
I examined his face. ‘If that’s true then you’ll understand why I have to leave Kelly’s Crossing. I can’t stay here while the police haul Kevin off to jail. I’ll be alone anyway. I’ll probably end up in foster care or something. I have to go to my dad. I have to see if I can make it work. I can’t wait any longer.’
‘But, Sunny,’ he paused, ‘what if you’re wrong?’
‘I thought you said you believed me?’
He shrugged. ‘I do, but maybe … I don’t know.’
‘I know what I know. Anyway, what would you do in my situation? There’s nothing for me here in Kelly’s Crossing. Nothing except misery and memories.’
‘And me.’
I paused, realising what I had said. ‘I know, but I’ve thought about that. You said yourself you want to go to Brisbane. You’ll be at art school next year.’
‘Yeah, maybe. But what about your dad? Did he reply to your email?’
‘He will. He just needs time. I mean, it’s a big thing your daughter just turning up out of the blue. Besides, I’ll be at boarding school most of the time. And after next year I could even get my own place.’ I looked into his eyes. ‘Maybe … um … maybe we could even get our own place.’
That last part, the mad and ill-conceived part, I hadn’t meant to say out loud just yet. It just came out, mainly because I’d been daydreaming about it as part of my new fantasy life. Matt and I in the city together, me visiting my new family on weekends, getting a job, being self-sufficient. But mostly it was about having someone to love. That was missing from my life and it was wrong. Being alone was like trying to breathe without lungs. Something, someone, had to replace that misplaced part.
‘But, Sunny,’ he said quietly, ‘we’re just kids.’
The look on his face gutted me. This concept was way too much for Matt. Of course it was. He thought it was a terrible idea, the worst idea ever to form in somebody’s head. I had just done some fairly major level jumping, from ‘maybe’ girlfriend – do two kisses constitute a relationship? – to living together. I could see Matt’s mind reeling with scary thoughts of marriage and a mortgage and six snotty kids running around an overgrown backyard in the suburbs.
I looked down and put my hands over my face. ‘You’re right. It’s a dumb idea. I get it. Forget I even mentioned it, alright?’
He came forward and grabbed my arm. I focused on his brown skin, his lean fingers, the fact that his nails were bitten down – I hadn’t noticed that before. I was trying desperately not to cry.
‘I’m really sorry,’ he said.
‘No, it’s fine. We could catch up, then, when we’re both in the city. Meet up for a coffee.’
‘Sunny, don’t be like that.’ His eyes shone softly.
‘Like what?’
‘I want to be with you, but …’
‘I said forget about it. It’s fine.’
He sighed. ‘You can’t just say all this to me and expect me to change my life in a moment.’
I nodded. ‘You’re totally right.’
‘I don’t want you to go.’
‘But I have to. You understand, don’t you?’
He shrugged. ‘I’m not sure, Sunny.’
‘But will you help me? I have to get my suitcase into town tonight.’
‘What about Kevin?’
‘What about him?’
The animals knew something was up. Mervie stalked me from the laundry to my room and back again as I gathered all my clothes together. Wolfie lay on my rug, his watchful, mournful eyes swinging in his head as I
