I shooed him away and sat on the lid, perspiring with the heat that had escalated to a level of humidity where, if you moved your body at all, you sweated. The lid wouldn’t close; there was no room for sentimentality, literally no room. I’d have to be brutal. I pulled Mum’s red skirt out of the case and tried again, just managing to zip the lid shut.
The Catcher in the Rye I managed to squish into my backpack. In the absence of Matt, Holden would have to do. Our relationship was reignited and reading about him would make me feel better about going to the city. He had run away from school, struggled with members of his family, wandered around New York on his own. If he could do it, I could too.
There was also the small detail that my father had not answered my email. This gnawed at my confidence, but I told myself it would be fine; once I left Kelly’s Crossing, once I got there, once he saw me, it would definitely be alright. If I turned up on his doorstep he could hardly turn me away.
The Christmas Hop started at seven and Matt had reluctantly agreed to pick me up at seven-thirty. It was easier for me to pretend to be going to the party, so Kevin wouldn’t get suspicious about where I was. And that way I had a chance to say goodbye to Matt.
Goodbye to Matt. I didn’t want to think about that. The romantic, unrealistic, irrational part of me still hoped he would change his mind, and that we would ride the bus to a new life together.
After combing through what was left of my wardrobe I decided to wear Mum’s skirt. It was comfortable and cool and that way I could still take it with me. Around seven, I heard Kevin’s boots in the hall and moments later he knocked on my door. That was a first. I rushed over to my suitcase and kicked it under the bed. ‘Yes?’
He pushed open the door and leant in. His face was purple and puffy near his right eye and his lip was swollen around the cut. ‘Do you want something to eat?’ he said. He saw the skirt and lifted his head. ‘Oh.’
‘I’m not hungry,’ I said, which was true. My stomach was too churned up.
‘You look so much like your mum in that skirt,’ he said softly.
I flinched and looked down at myself. It must have been weird for him to see me in it again. ‘I, I …’
‘It’s okay. You should have it. There’re lots of clothes in there. You can …’
‘I don’t want any of the others.’
‘Okay. I guess I’ll have to do something with that stuff. Maybe donate it. I’m not sure what I should …’ His face started to crumple.
I changed the subject. ‘I’m going to the Christmas thing,’ I said. ‘I suppose you’re not.’ Of course he wasn’t. Half the town thought he was a killer.
‘No. Actually I wasn’t sure if you’d want to go.’
‘Why wouldn’t I?’
He nodded slowly. ‘Someone’s birthday?’ He pointed to the bed where I’d left the brown parcel containing the shirt, a note tucked under the string.
My heart nearly stopped. ‘Um, yeah. Matt’s. He’s taking me into town. He’s got his Ps.’
Kevin looked at me for a minute then lowered his eyes to the floor. ‘Oh. Right.’
I expected a challenge about Matt. I was ready for it, but he simply backed out of the room and closed the door quietly. He was guilty; that’s why he was being so nice. It almost made me feel a twinge of something for him, but not enough for me to develop any kind of full-blown compassion; it was something I could quickly will away.
When it was nearly seven thirty and Kevin was back out in the garage, door shut tight, I kissed Wolfie and Mervie and stroked the cat.
‘Bye, guys. I’ll miss you.’ I hadn’t thought about what would happen to them if Kevin was sent to jail. Maybe I could come back and get them, take them to my new family.
The coming of night had given no relief to the heat and I sweated as I hauled my suitcase out onto the veranda and down the steps. I wheeled it across the dirt to the gate where Matt had agreed to stop and load it in before Kevin had a chance to see it.
I sensed a presence behind me and turned around to see Mervie’s little shadow trotting along.
‘Hey, I already said goodbye to you, mate.’ I crouched down and scratched him under the chin. ‘Go on now.’ I stood up, supressing the urge to cry. ‘Go home.’ I walked off but when I turned again to check, there he was, following. He stopped and stared at me with the light from the garage glinting in his eyes.
‘Go on,’ I flung my arm in the direction of the house where Wolfie was in his usual spot on the front veranda, a dark shadow. ‘Go.’ Mervie regarded me with the eyes of the betrayed.
‘Mervie, just go, will you, please?’ My voice trailed off.
He settled onto his haunches, lowering his small head. ‘I’m sorry, Merv.’ I rushed back and hugged him. ‘I’m so sorry.’
Matt drove in a few minutes later. I was getting anxious, expecting Kevin to come out of the garage any minute and catch me with the suitcase. I’d hidden it behind a clump of grass just in case.
‘Sorry,’ Matt said, getting out.
‘I thought you weren’t coming.’
He marched over to me and picked up the case. ‘I said I would, didn’t I?’ He opened the van and shoved it in.
As we drove off I stuck my head out
