Trying to ignore the doubt that gnawed uncomfortably at the edges of my mind, I sat back in my seat. ‘I need to drop something off at the Koslovski’s mailbox,’ I said.
Matt’s silence betrayed his disapproval. But he turned left and we pulled up at the end of the Koslovski’s driveway. I opened my backpack and pulled out the package.
‘Is that what I think it is?’ Matt said.
‘Yes.’
‘What are you doing, Sunny?’
‘I’m doing the right thing.’ I jumped out and opened the back of the oil-drum letterbox that had ‘Koslovski’ written on the side in white paint, and shoved in the package.
‘If it’s his, then they’ll know what to do with it,’ I said, climbing back into the van.
Matt shook his head, and the engine roared as he pulled away.
‘What’s the matter?’ I said.
‘Nothing.’ He crunched the van into second.
‘They won’t find it till tomorrow,’ I said.
‘Great,’ he said. ‘So, you’ve set the timer and the bomb’ll go off when you’re not even here.’
‘What would you do?’
‘Have you even talked to Kevin? Given him a chance to explain?
‘He doesn’t talk, Matt. I’ve tried. We don’t talk. We can’t. It’s physically impossible, believe me.’
‘Have you told him you’re leaving?’
I hesitated. ‘No.’
Matt remained silent.
‘What?’ I snapped. ‘If I tell him he’ll only try to stop me. He had his chance to talk to me about this and ask me if I wanted my real father in my life, and he chose to keep it secret.’
‘As long as you have it all worked out,’ he said.
We drove past the hall where the Christmas Hop was in full swing. Country music blared in a distorted cacophony. The car park was packed and the street was lined with utes. As we passed, I saw Zara and Kayla with a group of kids standing under the mango tree. Zara turned her head mid-conversation and watched us drive past.
The bus was already there, parked just down from Leanne’s shop. Matt pulled in behind it. I pushed open my door, anxious to get on as soon as possible.
Matt sat back in his seat, staring at the back of the bus. ‘Are you sure you want to do this, Sunny?’
I glanced down the street toward the hall. The noise from the party filled the street, small groups of people stood in the car park chatting and laughing – I would have felt closer to them if I had just arrived from Mars. ‘Yes.’
Matt turned to look at me. ‘You sure?’
‘I’ll miss you,’ I said, my heart lurching.
He nodded slowly, looking down at the keys in his hands.
‘That’s the part where you’re supposed to say you’ll miss me too,’ I said, getting out and closing the door.
I went around to the back of the van and pulled out my suitcase. As I slammed the door, I noticed Zara staring at me from across the street. She lifted her arm to wave. ‘See you, Sunny,’ she called.
I waved back and dragged my suitcase to the bus. Matt didn’t appear until after the driver had taken my ticket and loaded my luggage.
‘Can he come on for a minute?’ I asked the driver as he took his seat.
‘Sure,’ he said, picking up a newspaper. ‘We leave in ten minutes though.’
Matt and I climbed onto the empty bus and took a seat at the back. ‘Like the naughty kids,’ I said.
Matt tried to smile. ‘Yeah.’
‘You don’t have to wait. I’ll be okay.’
‘Always the tough guy.’ He turned to face me, taking my hand in his. ‘It’s not too late to change your mind.’
‘Stop it, please,’ I said, looking down.
He leant over and kissed me. Third kiss: still warm, still soft, still great. Goodbye kiss.
‘Why don’t you just come off the bus? Things will work out.’
The seat squeaked as I sat back against it. Matt’s lips certainly had powerful persuasive skills, but lurking below the amazing feelings I had when I was with him was an underworld of darkness and gloom. I had tried to find my way out, think through the maze, kill the sorrowful beast that lurked there. I might have even made it back to the surface, to the real world, if Mum hadn’t come back, if Dylan hadn’t died, if Kevin …
I gazed at Matt’s hopeful face and knew that I couldn’t do it anymore. I had endured all I could and despite this beautiful, warm resident of the real world sitting next to me, holding my hand, begging in his own reserved way for me to stay, leaving seemed like my only option.
‘Things can’t work out here, Matt. I’m sorry.’
‘Sunny,’ he whispered. ‘Please don’t go.’ Why was he doing this to me? I couldn’t take much more. ‘Just give it a bit longer, maybe …’
‘I’ll see you in a few months. I’ll call.’ My eyes filled with tears.
‘It’s not just that, Sunny. I think you’re making a mistake.’
‘Well, if I am, it’s a mistake I have to make. Let me make it, Matt.’
A series of louds beeps sounded and the engine vibrated beneath us.
‘Time to say goodbye,’ the driver said over the intercom, like a narrator in a book.
‘Okay then. I suppose I’d better get off.’
We both turned at the same time when we heard a loud voice outside the bus. A few seconds later, Kevin appeared at the top of the steps.
‘Sunny,’ he said. ‘What the hell do you think you’re doing?’
It took a moment for the reality of Kevin’s appearance to sink in. I couldn’t think how it had happened. My mind sorted through the most likely scenarios. Had he followed me? Had he been spying on me? Then the answer hit me squarely between the eyes. Zara. She must have called her
