Mr. Ennis had us upload our clips to his Dropbox so he’s got them all cued up to project onto the screen. Carly sneaks in later, apologizing that she had to hand in an assignment for another class. Carly is the school queen of extra credit.
The first video we watch belongs to Dave. In it, he’s sitting at his kitchen table reviewing a new Netflix show. His comments are actually interesting, but every other word is ummm, which gets kind of annoying. He goes on and on about how terrible the Netflix show is. Is it weird to say that his horrible review makes me want to watch it?
“Wow,” Mr. Ennis says when the clip is done. “That was one scathing review.”
“The show stinks,” Dave says.
Mr. Ennis asks Dave what else he plans to review and if he’s going to concentrate on a specific genre.
“I just want to find the worst shows and trash them,” Dave says.
“It’s easy to be critical of others but more challenging to create original content,” Mr. Ennis says. “Why not try to be more creative with your show?” Mr. Ennis points to the soda can and bag of chips in front of Dave in the video. “You trying to get some kind of product-placement deal?”
“I want to monetize everything I can,” Dave answers.
Mr. Ennis laughs. “Only a small percentage of the millions of people on YouTube make any money. Believe me, I should know.” He hits play on the next video, which is Matt’s.
“Strap yourselves in for a wild ride,” Matt says.
I wait for the video to GET wild, but it’s pretty much Matt sitting at his laptop doing a run-through of an old Crash Bandicoot game.
Matt turns around to watch the glazed eyes of his audience. “Come on, guys,” he says. “It’s really hard to get to that level!”
I proudly cheer on-screen Matt as he clears another level in the game, although my fake enthusiasm can’t hide the fact that Matt’s content is the worst thing anyone can say about a YouTube channel—it’s BORING.
Mr. Ennis is kind with his feedback, giving Matt tips on how to spice things up a bit.
“But it was good, right?” Matt asks.
Mr. Ennis rubs his head for the hundredth time. “Sure.”
Matt slinks down in his chair. I hadn’t anticipated such a tough crowd either.
The rest of the videos are a lot like the ones we already watch on YouTube. Abby did an instructional video on French-braiding your hair. Barry made a meme generator with animal backgrounds that was hilarious. Candace shows us her advice channel dealing with a new stepmother, but she’s so nervous on-screen, she looks more like someone who NEEDS advice than someone who should give it.
Umberto blows everyone away with his footage of trying to cross the street in his wheelchair when someone carelessly parked their car in front of the sidewalk ramp.
Since being friends with Umberto, I’ve often put myself in his place as he maneuvers through the world, but I’m not sure the rest of the population thinks about all the obstacles someone with a physical disability has to go through every day. His video is a keeper for sure; Mr. Ennis even fist-bumps him before moving on.
I suddenly wonder if Mr. Ennis is taping our videos with the camera on his head as he’s watching them. He wouldn’t make a magic video out of our rough cuts, would he? Or edit them with boos and people throwing garbage at the screen? Between the bald head and the camera, he looks like an overgrown Minion and I decide not to worry about it.
Next up is Tyler, who’s doing a YouTube Poop channel. His clip is a mash-up of Gravity Falls, old black-and-white vampire movies, and a gazelle getting torn apart by a lion to the sound of SpongeBob’s famous laugh. It’s random and gruesome and weird. Everyone loves it, especially Matt, who’s a huge fan of YTP.
“Okay, Carly,” Mr. Ennis says next. “Let’s see what you’ve got.”
Carly gives him a thumbs-up. She’s been very secretive about her YouTube channel, sharing only that she decided to do a vlog.
Maybe I DO have a chance to be number one now.
When the clip begins, I’m surprised at how simple the setting is. My banner and props make her no-effort background look dull. Since Carly usually decorates everything from lunch bags to lockers, it’s strange she decided to go so plain.
“I just got braces,” she says into the camera. “And I HATE them.” She clenches her fists in frustration as she talks on-screen. “I am CONSTANTLY running my tongue over my teeth like there’s some foreign object on them—because there is! I can’t believe I’m going to have this contraption on my teeth for almost two years!” She hurls herself on her bed and throws a tantrum like a little kid.
This is so stupid, I think. Why are you talking about your braces?
But when I look over at my classmates, they’re leaning forward in their seats, laughing.
“That’s how I feel with mine,” Natalie says from the back of the room.
“Me too.” Tyler gives a huge smile exposing his own metallic mouth.
Mr. Ennis has to pause the clip. “Okay, guys, let’s wait until the end for comments.”
Back on-screen, Carly continues. “I hate not being able to eat caramels! They’re my favorite food in the world.”
She starts fake crying and throws herself on the bed again. She looks as cute and smart as she does every day but I just don’t get it—who’s going to subscribe to THIS?
When the clip is finished, the applause is greater than what the other videos got—even Umberto’s, which was awesome.
Mr. Ennis turns to me. “You’re up next, Derek.”
I don’t understand why I’m so nervous. I’m more scared now than I was in that play with Carly last year. I tell myself I worked hard and people are going to love it.
I hope.
WHO’S THE DUMBBELL
