I gave a lot of thought to the smashing idea but eventually decided against it. Number one, I don’t feel like cleaning up the mess every time I make a new video for my channel. Number two, it’ll be pretty hard to hide the fact that I’m using Frank in my videos with all that smashing. In the end, I chose a much simpler idea: MONKEY IN A BATHTUB.
Sure, lots of other youtubers jump into bathtubs of Silly String, jelly, paint, slime, shaving cream—anything messy—but on my channel, a MONKEY’s going to do it!
I prop my cell on the counter and crank up the music so my parents can’t hear what I’m up to. But given my mom’s an alien from another planet with extraordinary antennae for trouble, she’s immediately at the door.
“Are you taking a bath?” she asks. “Without being asked?”
I tell her I’m sweaty from PE and making myself sick with the smell.
“That’s a first,” she says. “I hope you’re not thinking about taking Frank in the tub with you.”
Is there anything mothers DON’T know? I tell her I’m not taking a bath with Frank, which is technically true because I don’t plan on being in the tub with him. I wait for her to leave then undo Frank’s harness and continue with my plan.
While I empty every bottle of Mom’s bath stuff into the water, Frank burrows into the dirty laundry in the hamper. I let him play for a bit while I finish setting up my phone.
When I’m ready, I scoop up Frank and suspend him over the tub.
“This is going to be fun,” I say. “You LOVE to swim.”
It’s true that Frank usually loves the water but maybe because this is full of bubbles and smells like a forest, he’s not sold on the idea. He gnashes his teeth the way he does when he’s threatened or afraid.
You don’t need a mom who’s a veterinarian to figure out submerging a capuchin into a bubble bath probably isn’t the smartest of plans, but having stupid ideas has never stopped me before.
“Come on, Frank—the water’s fine!” I check the camera to make sure it’s filming.
“You better not be up to any monkey business in there,” my mother calls from the hall. “No pun intended.”
I roll my eyes and let Frank scramble up my arm and onto my shoulder. If I’m going to make Frank a YouTube star, I’m going to have to film when my parents aren’t home. I pull the plug on the tub and the water starts to drain. Luckily for me, tomorrow is Thursday Night, Date Night.
I’ll just have to convince the babysitter that I ALWAYS film my monkey doing crazy stuff on Thursday nights.
SOMETHING NEW
Even Matt thinks my new plan is impractical—and that’s saying something.
“There’s no way that can work—especially if Brianna’s at your house,” he says.
Matt doesn’t need to remind me of the time we told my babysitter we baked her a cake, when what we really did was pack several sponges into a pan and spread them with frosting to make it LOOK like a cake. Brianna was NOT happy when she took a bite of our chocolate surprise. (My parents weren’t too happy when they found out either.)
“You can film Frank at my house while your parents are out,” Matt suggests. “Tell them you’re sleeping over.”
I shake my head. “Number one, it’s a school night and they won’t let me. Number two, Frank wasn’t too happy about taking a dip.”
Matt holds out his phone and shows me the footage he shot last night for his new LP show. It looks polished, with his face in the corner of the screen, commenting on Steve’s movements in his Minecraft video.
“It’s not original, but I had fun,” he says. “I’m still looking at other ideas too.”
As Matt debates various options, I watch Carly approach us from the other end of the hall. Something’s different about her, but I can’t tell what it is. Then it hits me; Carly ALWAYS smiles—at pretty much everyone. Now her lips are pursed and her eyes are looking downward, which can only mean one thing.
She got her braces.
Before I can tell Matt not to joke around, Carly comes over.
“Don’t say a word,” she says. “My teeth really hurt and I’m not in the mood for wisecracks.”
Matt smirks and starts to open his mouth until he sees the look on Carly’s face, which is so intimidating he immediately shuts it.
She turns to me and slowly opens her mouth, exposing more metal and rubber bands than I’ve seen in one place, outside of the vintage Erector set Grammy gave me several years ago. I COULD make a joke; however, Carly looks so awful, I don’t have the heart.
“I’m sorry it hurts so much,” I say. “The pain should go away soon, right?”
Carly shrugs. “One of my teeth is impacted, so it might be uncomfortable for a while.”
“I wonder how those braces will photograph on your new YouTube channel?” Matt asks.
Carly looks like she’s about to shove Matt into his locker. Instead she takes the high road and just leaves.
“That was mean,” I tell him. “Why make her feel worse than she already does?”
“She’s always so perfect,” Matt answers. “It’s about time she has something we can make fun of.”
When we get to math, Carly’s seat is still empty. She finally comes in just as the bell rings and I can tell she’s been crying again. I shoot Matt a look to make sure he doesn’t make fun of her anymore.
Even if Carly WEREN’T one of our best friends, it’s not cool to hit someone when they’re down.
SKETCHING WITH DAD
It’s a good thing I hadn’t planned on shooting my video while my parents were on their weekly date because one of Mom’s longtime patients—a dog named Kitty—just got hit by a car and Mom is operating to save
