You left the ball in my court, so I’m gonna ask you if we can go back to where we were before when it was Tara and Chris, Matt and Joy, and me and you . . . friends.
All my best,
Matt
Oh, P.S. My brother and I played street hockey with Chris and his friends Tzoug and Dube, and it was fun and everything seems normal, and my brother kind of let them know that he’s always got my back so no one should really mess with me.
Hey Tara!
What a seriously huge surprise to get a note from you! Like, HUGE SURPRISE! So random, too! Anyway . . . my skin says thanks, ha ha ha.
My Thanksgivin’ was average. Nothin’ interesting. Thanksgivin’ blows anyway ’cuz my dumb family eats turkey all the time, so what’s the difference?
Yuh, it’s wicked true I’m not goin’ to college. Why pay to learn how to get a job when I already have one! I get great discounts at Coconuts and can hook you up like you hooked me up when you worked at TCBY. How good is that white chocolate moose yogurt?!
“Rush, Rush” is such a awesome song, and don’t you think that Freshman kid Matt Bloom looks like Keanu kind of? You know the Freshman I’m talkin’ about, right? David Bloom who graduated last year’s brother. Not that I believed that whole rumor about you guys ’cuz I don’t believe nothin’ I don’t see with my own two eyes, but I know you did Grease together ’cuz I saw it. You were wicked good in it, and the girl who played Sandy was unreal. She should be famous. You actors. I wish I could have the guts to act but I don’t, and I sing like a farting frog gettin’ eaten by another farting frog.
You know me, I’m not into havin’ a boyfriend. Hate bein’ tied down. But if you know of anyone who’s cool maybe I’ll think about it. And I gotta be real, I’m not really a Prom girl. Don’t get me wrong—I’ll go to the after parties, duh, but I don’t know about the actual Prom.
Yeah, I don’t think I can hang out ’cuz I work so friggin’ much. But thanks a ton for the offer. Maybe I’ll see ya’ at an after-Prom party or something.
See Ya Wouldn’t Wanna Be Ya,
Kath
To-est Soup!
You know I have the best instincts ever. Yep, me and my perception-compass. I know you think I’m wrong, but Stef, I am almost positive Kathy and Christopher are hooking up! Oh my god, I am freaking out! I saw her car in his driveway on three different days over Turkey Day break! Unless someone else drives a Pinto with a license plate that says: LV R TOWN #1, I can guarantee you Kathy is having an affair with MY BOYFRIEND. Do the math, Stef! I saw her grab his ass, and he played it off like she was just being the slut that she is, but I know better. The thought of Christopher touching her makes me literally wanna puke. She said she wishes she could sing, but her voice sounds like “a farting frog eating another farting frog.” What girl with any ounce of dignity says “fart”? Or “frog,” for that matter? And she had the audacity to say Joy Rebecca Bernstein should be famous! Do you feel as violated as me that once upon a time we were actually friends with such horrific people? As we’ve grown and evolved these people have just stayed frozen in time. Unreal.
What do I do?
Need You Now More Than Ever,
T-Murphs!
P.S. Not that I care AT ALL, but do you think that annoying Matt Bloom kid looks anything like Keanu Reeves from the “Rush, Rush” video?
To-est Tar,
While Kathy can be gross, and yes, the whole farting-frog thing is appalling, I need you to stay calm!
We don’t know for sure that Chris is cheating on you. We just don’t know! And unless we have evidence, I do not think it’s in your best interest to call him out on it, especially after the November incident. I think you and everyone involved are finally healing from that whole debacle.
So, please take a deep breath, okay? I will keep my ear to the ground, and if Chris is cheating on you we will find out. I really hope he’s not. There’s no way he is, Tara. He loves you. Everyone knows that.
Jesus, I feel like things are nuts right now with everyone. I mean, here I am about to go on my second date with Diego Conoso, and you think Chris is cheating, and Stacey, who is gonna tell you herself so act surprised please, got dumped by Justin. She is devastated even though they’ve broken up, like, what . . . 6 times! She said she can’t do this anymore even if he begs her to come back. But she will tell you all of this herself. Oh, and to add salt to her wound, she lost her jean jacket. Stacey Simon without her jean jacket just . . . well, it just doesn’t even make sense. Wow! We all really need each other more than ever right now, Tara.
Do NOTHING about the Chris sitch. Promise?
Love you, BB MINKEY,
Soup
P.S. Oh, and I can see the Matt Bloom/Keanu resemblance. Actually a lot. Both have long hair and almond eyes.
To-est Mrs. Conoso (tee-hee, tee-hee),
