Thank the lord I have you in my world, Stef. Without you I would quite frankly feel I have next to nothin’ right now.
You and Diego are gonna go the distance, I can feel it, Stef, and my instincts (which have always proven to be incredibly strong) can feel it, too. Stefanie Conoso has a ring to it, Stef. You always wanted bilingual children!
Oh my GOD about Stacey! It’s weird, but I’m not mad at all that I didn’t know at the same time you knew. And Stace still hasn’t told me, but I am NOT MAD! Crazy, right? I think it’s ’cuz we are all friends, and the past is the past, and I trust Stacey and without trust there is nada (that one’s for you, Mrs. Conoso)! She better tell me soon, though! And worry not, BB Minkey, I will act surprised, of course. I think if anyone in this town can “act surprised,” it’s me. (I just thought about how good I would’ve been as Anne Frank. I’ve moved on from that, but I still have my moments, Stef, ya know? DYKWIM?)
I double pinky swear not to do anything about the “possible” Christopher and Kathy affair, and I so dearly appreciate that ear of yours bein’ kept to the ground. We gotta find out, Stef. I mean, I will find out in a very, veery dignified and mannered way.
As for that Matt Bloom kid looking like Keanu Reeves, all I can say is WHATTTTTT? I simply do NOT see it, and I have perfect vision!
Love you as much as tomatoes love SOUP . . .
Tar
To: Matthew Bloom
c/o Matt who has the number
877-4267
(a number that will, come 1992,
vanish from my memory)
Hello Matt.
What an astonishing note to receive from you. Please don’t think by “astonishing” I mean bad or good. I would prefer you not attach any association to the word. Thank you in advance.
If I had asthma I might’ve needed my inhaler after readin’ your note, but lucky for me I’ve got no health problems. Health is definitely not the department I shop for MY problems in, Matthew. Or is it Matt? Not sure what you’re goin’ by these midwinter days.
Yeah, Matt, I know “At the End of the Day” is a song from the smash hit Les Misérables. I know everything about theater, Kid, so don’t you dare attempt to school me on what song is from what show! The nerve of you. I have no idea what the Spring Musical is gonna be, but mark my words, 9th-grader, I will be one of the leads. “Karma (Chameleon)” is on my side ever since that school board canceled The Diary of Anne Frank. Talk about gettin’ “offered” roles . . . I would’ve been so good as Anne . . . Broadway would’ve just OFFERED me a Tony out of respect!
I kindly, generously, and not-needing-to-ly left the ball in your court as sure as my middle name is Maureen (may my Gramma Maureen rest in peace and know always that I carry her name proudly and with it everything—and I MEAN EVERYTHING—SHE STOOD FOR), and I must say I’m stunned how you are playing with it. Again, please don’t attach meaning to me bein’ stunned. You’ve simply no idea how I intend my college-level words to land, Mr. Bloom.
A lot of people have been sayin’ that you resemble Keanu Reeves from the “Rush, Rush” video. I don’t see it. AT ALL. Like, not even a tiny bit!!
I am happy for you that your Thanksgiving was filled with the warmth of family. I think it’s wicked clear that you come from a house that’s filled with love and support. Maybe too much love and support, Matthew (or Matt), as you have an extraordinarily obscene and unfounded sense of yourself.
So your big brother thinks you’re focused, huh? I guess one could argue there’s SOME truth to that, Matt(hew), and I should know, as I basically invented tunnel vision. But do you have STAR-FOCUS, like me? Hmmm . . . I’m gonna take a break from this note and go think on it, k?
Hey, I’m back, Matt. I thought. A lot. And you know what, Kiddo . . . you can tell your brother Tara agrees with him full-stop (that’s British for PERIOD END OF SENTENCE) about you havin’ focus!!
Friends? Us? Matt and Tara . . . friends? I like that. I like the sound of that. I am incredibly happy you ignore Heather Gould now. She’s not to be trusted. I guess we can just toss her into the very crowded bucket of “those who can’t be trusted”—this town is filled with ’em. But not you, Matt. Nope. I knew from day one I could trust you. Knew it! And through that whole mess last month you proved me right. You could’ve pointed fingers and made me the bad guy. I mean . . . it was my note that the Giant found. But you didn’t. You’ve handled all of this so gracefully. Beyond your years, Matt. So proud of you. And I’m thrilled you played street hockey with Christopher. I knew that already since he told me (as boyfriends tend to do—they tell girlfriends EVERYTHING), and you know, good for your brother for lettin’ everybody know you are not to be messed with. I’ll tell you someone else who won’t let anyone mess with you, Matt . . . me! Your friend Tara, your “big sis” Tara has got your back always and 4-eva. K?
Now that I’m thinking about it, I guess you kind of do look a tiny bit from certain angles like Keanu from the “Rush, Rush” video. Do you think you do? I’m not a Keanu girl . . . just not into that kinda look, but I bet some people definitely are.
So . . . as my good friend, Matt, could you do me a Good-Friend favor? Would you mind keepin’ an eye on Christopher’s driveway for me? As you do live across the street I think you definitely have a better
